I (F 55) posted a few weeks ago about trying to be motivated to lose weight, while struggling with chronic depression and the desire to die.
I had recently been diagnosed with cancer and had surgery to remove it but was still struggling with feelings of wanting to check out ahead of schedule.
Trying to lose weight seemed pretty damn pointless, despite understanding that it would help with a whole host of weight-related health problems I have - osteoarthritis, degenerative disc disorder, high blood pressure, labs that indicate a high risk of heart attack, and sleep apnea.
A few days after that, I got results from genetic tests that revealed that I have something called Lynch Syndrome - a hereditary cancer disorder. People with LS are vulnerable to a variety of super gnarly cancers. People with the disorder can develop cancer multiple times over their lifetime. There are things that can reduce your risk of developing cancer in the future: a healthy diet, exercise and weight loss.
So in the last few weeks, I've started cleaning up my diet. Instead of red meat & vegetables drowning in cream sauces (my husband's favorite type of food) I'm eating lots of steamed vegetables, fruit, lean chicken and fish, lentils, quinoa and steel cut oats as well as staying away from processed foods and takeout. I just bought a scale so that I can start to monitor my weight more closely.
My next step is to try and develop some sort of exercise routine. My weight loss goal is 50 lbs (currently 204 lbs, 5ft 7in) - that will put me solidly in a healthy BMI range.
I don't think I'm ever going to be the type of person who is brimming with joie de vivre. I think it's always going to be a struggle to see the world in color instead of grayscale.
But dammit, I don't want a bad death. I don't want to be miserably ill and slowly losing my strength and ability to function year after year. I don't want my family to have to nurse me through an ugly and painful illness, possibly multiple times.
If I have to be on this planet for a few more decades, I want to be in a body that works well, with as little discomfort and illness as possible. Looking good and being able to wear straight sizes again is the cherry on top.
So, there you go, motivation - not the type I wanted but definitely the motivation I needed.
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