October Goals Planner–free printable monthly goal setting worksheet

Hello! It’s a new month and a new week! I love when Mondays time up with the 1st of the month – is that weird?

I have a round up of highlights from September coming up but I wanted to share this monthly goals sheet for October right away! If you’re chasing down a goal before the end of the year – make a plan!

Whether it’s to run faster, run a race, clean up your diet, get your life together or ‘insert your goal here’ – you are more likely to rock it if you write it down and make a plan.

We only have about 90 days left in the year so – do it today.

Monthly Goal Tips:

• Prioritize your goals.
• Choose 1 main goal to focus on this month.
• Break it down into weekly goals.
• Remind yourself of why you want to accomplish it.
• Keep yourself accountable.

Pro Tip: Check in on my daily Run Report on @RunEatRepeat ‘s instagram  to stay accountable!

* You can download the pdf of the October Goals worksheet here. *

 

And stay accountable and motivated by checking in on today’s Run Report on my instagram now! 

 

The post October Goals Planner–free printable monthly goal setting worksheet appeared first on Run Eat Repeat.

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How to Bounce Back from a Bad Diet Day

Fell off the diet wagon? Here are five ways to bounce back from a bad diet day and get back on the right path to diet success.

DON’T #1: DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP

Why: It just doesn’t help. To succeed in weight loss, you need support—and that starts with supporting yourself. Self-flagelation will only increase your unhappiness and stress you out even more. And that stress can hurt your progress: Stress is associated with an increase in cortisol—a hormone that causes your body to retain. And in multiple studies, stress has been associated with weight gain. In one paper from Ohio State, dieters who were stressed burned 104 fewer calories in the seven hours following a meal than did those who self-identified as stress-free. DO THIS INSTEAD: CONGRATULATE YOURSELF Congratulate yourself on the progress you’ve made and the discipline you’ve had when you are adhering to the program. Many weight loss experts recommend a rule of 90-10 or 80-20—that is, if you’re sticking to your plan 80 to 90 percent of the time, you’re doing well and will see results.

DON’T #2: DON’T TRY TO STARVE YOURSELF TO MAKE UP FOR YESTERDAY

Why: Starving yourself does just what it says—it puts your body into starvation mode, which activates your stress hormones—which makes you store fat. Starvation mode also makes your body slow down your metabolism to conserve fuel—meaning you’ll burn fewer calories. And according to researchers at Boston College, any diet with fewer than 1,500 calories can make it difficult to get the nutrients you need. DO THIS INSTEAD: GO BACK TO YOUR PLAN. A healthy weight loss plan creates a healthy calorie deficit. That is, you burn more calories than you take in, but not at a deficit that puts your body on starvation alert. Experts recommend a deficit of around 500 calories per day, which should yield one-two pounds of weight loss after a little more than a week.

DON’T #3: DON’T OVER-EXERCISE TO BURN OFF YESTERDAY’S BONUS CALORIES

Why: You might make yourself hungrier, and worse, you could get hurt. In a 2007 study in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, exercise among overweight teens was associated with an increase in ghrelin, a hormone associated with appetite. And in another study from 2012, researchers found that obese people were adversely affected in mood, anxiety and hunger by an intense bout of exercise—all three of which are associated with eating. An overzealous exercise session also just isn’t that effective—exercise burns calories, but far fewer than most dieters imagine. And overdoing it means compromising form and moving outside your comfort zone—which could backfire and result in injury, during which you won’t be able to exercise at all. DO THIS INSTEAD: EXERCISE NORMALLY
By all means, you should exercise after your cheat day of eating. But the key, as with diet, is moderation—do exercises, intensities, and workouts that are within your skill range and in accordance with your plan. You’ll burn some calories, reduce stress levels—which reduce fat-packing cortisol—and get back to the business of your plan.

DON’T #4: DON’T LET A BAD DAY TURN INTO A BAD WEEK

Why: Because it often does! And with good reason: “Cheat” foods like pizza, french fries and chocolate are physiologically addictive. In a study published in February 2015 by PLoS One, foods with the highest glycemic load—that is, many foods with refined carbs that are quickly absorbed into the body—were the most addictive to dieters. So once you’ve got a taste of these addictive foods, you want to go back for more. This could explain why many dieters who have a bad day get discouraged, throw up their hands, and go into a progress-wrecking downward spiral. DO THIS INSTEAD: CHANGE YOUR FOCUS Instead of blindly adhering to the short-term pleasures of addictive foods, remember why you were moderate with them for so long—return to the motivation and emotional sources that created the discipline you had before your off-day. Re-affirm your goals so that your next meal is associated with the pleasure of success instead of the pleasures of excess. And when you sit for that next meal, concentrate on the actual food you’re eating. In multiple studies, “mindful eating” techniques, in which dieters focus on the food they’re eating and the act of eating it, has helped people lose as much weight as plans that drilled lessons on nutrition and calories.

DON’T #5: DON’T SLAVISHLY TRACK CHANGES IN YOUR WEIGHT

Why: While stepping on the scale daily has been associated with great weight loss results in scientific studies, jumping on when you expect to weigh less is just asking for stress. Your weight may be up, but it’s not because of extra fat—things don’t happen that fast. You’re probably just carrying extra water from the extra food. In fact, the scale can be misleading at other times. In a Canadian study, women weighed in heavier on the first day of their menstrual cycle due to water retention. As one study put it, your weight is subject to “normal cyclic fluctuations” that can be frustrating. DO: TRACK WHAT YOU EAT The day after a big cheat is a great time to reset and keep a food log. This can help you keep from falling into addictive, habitual overeating and can create a reference point you can flip back to the next time you falter—you’ll see that bouncing back is possible, because you’ve done it before. This can also be an opportunity to track other, non-weight related measures of progress. Buy a cloth measuring tape and measure your thighs, waist, chest, calves, and arms. When one of these measurements decreases, you’ll have something to celebrate—even if the scale’s not budging. And if you haven’t already measured, check a piece of clothing. If something that used to be tight is loosening up, you’re making progress. Use that progress to motivate yourself to return to what’s working.

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Day 1? Starting your weight loss journey on Monday, 01 October 2018? Start here!

Today is your Day 1?

Welcome to r/Loseit!

So you aren’t sure of how to start? Don’t worry! “How do I get started?” is our most asked question. r/Loseit has helped our users lose over 1,000,000 recorded pounds and these are the steps that we’ve found most useful for getting started.

Why you’re overweight

Our bodies are amazing (yes, yours too!). In order to survive before supermarkets, we had to be able to store energy to get us through lean times, we store this energy as adipose fat tissue. If you put more energy into your body than it needs, it stores it, for (potential) later use. When you put in less than it needs, it uses the stored energy. The more energy you have stored, the more overweight you are. The trick is to get your body to use the stored energy, which can only be done if you give it less energy than it needs, consistently.

Before You Start

The very first step is calculating your calorie needs. You can do that HERE. This will give you an approximation of your calorie needs for the day. The next step is to figure how quickly you want to lose the fat. One pound of fat is equal to 3500 calories. So to lose 1 pound of fat per week you will need to consume 500 calories less than your TDEE (daily calorie needs from the link above). 750 calories less will result in 1.5 pounds and 1000 calories is an aggressive 2 pounds per week.

Tracking

Here is where it begins to resemble work. The most efficient way to lose the weight you desire is to track your calorie intake. This has gotten much simpler over the years and today it can be done right from your smartphone or computer. r/loseit recommends an app like MyFitnessPal, Loseit! (unaffiliated), or Cronometer. Create an account and be honest with it about your current stats, activities, and goals. This is your tracker and no one else needs to see it so don’t cheat the numbers. You’ll find large user created databases that make logging and tracking your food and drinks easy with just the tap of the screen or the push of a button. We also highly recommend the use of a digital kitchen scale for accuracy. Knowing how much of what you're eating is more important than what you're eating. Why? This may explain it.

Creating Your Deficit

How do you create a deficit? This is up to you. r/loseit has a few recommendations but ultimately that decision is yours. There is no perfect diet for everyone. There is a perfect diet for you and you can create it. You can eat less of exactly what you eat now. If you like pizza you can have pizza. Have 2 slices instead of 4. You can try lower calorie replacements for calorie dense foods. Some of the communities favorites are cauliflower rice, zucchini noodles, spaghetti squash in place of their more calorie rich cousins. If it appeals to you an entire dietary change like Keto, Paleo, Vegetarian.

The most important thing to remember is that this selection of foods works for you. Sustainability is the key to long term weight management success. If you hate what you’re eating you won’t stick to it.

Exercise

Is NOT mandatory. You can lose fat and create a deficit through diet alone. There is no requirement of exercise to lose weight.

It has it’s own benefits though. You will burn extra calories. Exercise is shown to be beneficial to mental health and creates an endorphin rush as well. It makes people feel awesome and has been linked to higher rates of long term success when physical activity is included in lifestyle changes.

Crawl, Walk, Run

It can seem like one needs to make a 180 degree course correction to find success. That isn’t necessarily true. Many of our users find that creating small initial changes that build a foundation allows them to progress forward in even, sustained, increments.

Acceptance

You will struggle. We have all struggled. This is natural. There is no tip or trick to get through this though. We encourage you to recognize why you are struggling and forgive yourself for whatever reason that may be. If you overindulged at your last meal that is ok. You can resolve to make the next meal better.

Do not let the pursuit of perfect get in the way of progress. We don’t need perfect. We just want better.

Additional resources

Now you’re ready to do this. Here are more details, that may help you refine your plan.

• Quick Start Guide - Build your foundation!
• Loseit Compendium - Frame it out!
• FAQ - Answers to our most Frequently Asked Questions!

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9 Parfait Recipes Perfect for Every Palate

The word “parfait” is a French word meaning “perfect,” which is fitting as that’s how many people would describe these delicious treats which traditionally layer yogurt with other tasty ingredients. Of course, the health factor of your parfait all comes down to the ingredients you choose. There are many ways to make yogurt parfaits both flavorful as well as healthy when you select ingredients like nonfat Greek yogurt, healthy granola, fruit and nuts.

12 Mouthwatering Pudding Recipes to Savor

Read More

No matter what flavors you prefer, we’ve rounded up nine different yogurt parfaits with unique combinations so that there’s something for everyone to try!

1. Apple Pie Parfait >

To kick off our list of yogurt parfaits, this parfait offers all the taste and none of the guilt of a delectable slice of apple pie. It’s got the rich flavors of apple, cinnamon, nutmeg and walnuts combined with the creamy goodness of Greek yogurt. You can also feel good knowing you’re getting a host of antioxidants and flavonoids as well as dietary fiber from this recipe’s use of a whole apple. While it certainly tastes decadent, this parfait only clocks in at 186 calories and counts as one SmartCarb and one PowerFuel on the Nutrisystem plan. That means it will satisfy your craving for something sweet without getting you off track from your healthy eating.

2. Savory Tahini Yogurt Parfait >

Another classic on our list of yogurt parfaits, this rich and nutty parfait might be different from the sweet parfaits you’re used to—but give it a shot and we think the savory flavor combination just might blow you away. It uses an array of delicious and healthy ingredients like rolled oats, sesame seeds, pine nuts, cucumber, garlic powder and of course Tahini. Tahini, which is a staple in the Mediterranean and Middle East, is a paste made from sesame seeds, sometimes referred to as a “seed butter.” It is packed with nutrients and has a tasty nutty flavor. Certainly unique, this parfait is both hearty and filling and whether you enjoy it as a breakfast, lunch or snack, it will be sure to leave you feeling satisfied. A serving is 215 calories and counts as one SmartCarb, one PowerFuel and one Extra.

3. Chunky Monkey Yogurt Parfait >

Combining the flavors of peanut butter, banana and cacao with rich and creamy Greek yogurt, this parfait is both fun and delicious. And considering it layers in healthy ingredients like potassium-rich banana and nutrient-packed Greek yogurt, it’s a parfait you can feel good about enjoying. Instead of traditional chocolate, this recipe uses cacao nibs—essentially an unprocessed version of chocolate that is incredibly rich in antioxidants. It also calls for a drizzle of honey to add even more sweetness. But at just 205 calories, this is a treat you don’t have to feel guilty about. It counts as one SmartCarb, one PowerFuel and one Extra.

3 Delicious Donut Recipes You Can Enjoy on a Diet

Read More

4. Pumpkin Parfait >

If you’re a fan of all things pumpkin spice, then you’re going to want to try this parfait. It involves making a pumpkin-flavored yogurt using plain nonfat Greek yogurt combined with canned pumpkin puree, pumpkin pie spice, some Stevia and some vanilla extract. The yogurt is then layered with a homemade granola mixture that is also packed with healthy ingredients like rolled oats, pumpkin seeds and more pumpkin puree! While the pumpkin spice drinks and baked goods found in abundance during the fall months are packed with lots of unnecessary sugar, this is a pumpkin recipe you can feel good about eating. Pumpkin puree has healthy benefits such as fiber, iron and potassium. While this treat tastes like an indulgence it clocks in at only 264 calories and counts as one PowerFuel, one SmartCarb and one Extra.

5. Vanilla TurboBerry Parfait >

Nothing quite goes together in a parfait treat like the flavors of vanilla and berries. This parfait recipe is simple but delicious. It combines Greek yogurt with a Vanilla Nutrisystem Shake and then layers in some blueberries and strawberries. It’s all topped off with shredded coconut for some added sweetness. Blueberries have long been called a “superfood” thanks to being packed with antioxidants and flavonoids. But they’re also high in potassium and vitamin C. In addition, strawberries are also packed with vitamins, fiber and particularly high levels of antioxidants known as polyphenols. Combined, this parfait has some serious nutrition power. It counts as one SmartCarb, two PowerFuels and one Extra.

6. Morning Mango Parfait >

Another delicious recipe on our list of yogurt parfaits, this fruit-filled classic has a tropical twist that you can’t resist. Its key ingredient—mango—is not only incredibly delicious, it’s really good for you, too. Mango contains more than 20 different vitamins and minerals which help make it a superfood, according to Mango.org. One cup of mango is high in vitamins A and C, as well as folate, which is especially important during pregnancy. While mango might be the star of the show in this recipe, it also layers in some Nutrisystem Granola Cereal and some sunflower seeds for a delicious crunch. Drizzled with honey, this is a parfait that tastes indulgent, but isn’t a threat to your healthy eating regimen. One serving is 296 calories and it counts as one Nutrisystem Breakfast, a half of a SmartCarb, a half of a PowerFuel and two Extras.

10 Banana Recipes You’ll Go Bananas For

Read More

7. Candy Corn Fruit Parfait >

Whether you’re hosting a Halloween party or just want to make the kids—or yourself—something festive that won’t totally derail your nutritious ambitions, then this is the treat for you. It’s got the layered look of candy corn without the empty calories of the syrupy candy. The tell-tale layered look of candy corn is created using diced pineapple, mandarin orange and cottage cheese. Served in a mason jar, it’s an adorable treat with a feel-good factor attached to it. Both pineapple and mandarin oranges are rich in vitamin C while cottage cheese boasts lots of protein and minerals like calcium. This parfait clocks in at 169 calories and counts as one SmartCarb and one PowerFuel.

8. Berry Delight Yogurt Parfait >

You can’t go wrong when layering yogurt, berries and nuts, as this delectable parfait does. It calls for a cup of mixed berries (like fresh strawberries and blueberries), a cup of nonfat Greek yogurt and some slivered almonds, which contain healthy fats, fiber, and protein. It’s the classic combination and makes a great flex meal that will fill you up and leave you feeling satisfied after breakfast. One serving is 355 calories and counts as one SmartCarb and two PowerFuels.

9. Carrot Cake Overnight Oats Parfait >

With this unique parfait recipe, you can indulge in the taste of carrot cake for breakfast without any guilt whatsoever. The one-of-a-kind carrot cake flavor comes from the combination of vitamin-rich shredded carrots with some flavorful cinnamon. This recipe also mixes in oats, almond milk, walnuts and some sweet honey for a taste that’s out-of-this-world. It’s a make-ahead treat that you can enjoy as a flex breakfast or snack. Despite its indulgent flavor, one serving of this parfait is just 248 calories. It counts as one SmartCarb, one PowerFuel, a half of a Vegetable and one Extra.

The post 9 Parfait Recipes Perfect for Every Palate appeared first on The Leaf.

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Maintenance Monday: It's hard not being a Loser

It's been 141 days since my weight dipped below 80kg that one time and I officially considered myself in maintenance. That's 20 weeks and 1 day, or 38.63% of 2018 (the internet is so smart).

38% of the year I've been in maintenance, and I still struggle with not losing. Not struggle as in 'oh my god this is so hard' - maintenance has been fairly easy for me to be honest - but if there's anything I do struggle with, it's that. It's seeing my 30 day trend go up by 0.1 kg (0.2 lbs) today and thinking OH NO I'M EATING TOO MUCH I HAVE TO LOWER MY TDEE. While rationally, having a trend line that's been dropping ever since 141 days ago isn't quite maintenance but just really, really slow weight loss.

I find it hard to not freak out too soon (I'm definitely freaking out too soon) because I'm so terrified of this being the start of a slippery slope. I do not want to be fat again.

It ties in with something said by u/MollyMollie in the Maintainers feedback thread a few days ago.

I would love to hear from people how they stay motivated once they've reached their goal. I was so excited to get down to my goal weight, but now i'm here it's a little boring. The fun of seeing the numbers on the scale down is gone.

There was some response in the thread, but I'd love to hear how everyone deals with this. When's the right time to freak out?

---

Anything else on your mind pertaining maintenance? Is your diet going effortlessly, or have the last few weeks been more of a struggle? All questions, remarks and worries are welcome topics of conversation!

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The Last 515 Days

This is a follow-up to my other posts:

https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/6m554b/the_last_75_days_long/

https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/723a72/the_last_150_days/

https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/7hqpzq/the_last_225_days/

https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/7z3rak/the_last_300_days/

https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/8kx6q1/the_last_365_days/

I apologize, as it's been a while since my last update. I completely forgot about my 440 day update, as I was busy with changing jobs, and by the time I'd realized, this update was only a few weeks away.

The Weight Management Program continues to go well - I decided to repeat Stage II at the beginning of July, and will repeat the 36 week program of alternating weekly group and dietitian sessions. While I don't feel that I learn much in the week-to-week sessions, I try to go for the accountability, as well as the weekly weigh-ins and blood pressure readings. Additionally, I feel that I still have too much to lose before I transition to Stage III (geared more toward maintenance).

For a while, my loss slowed down (to ~1-2 pounds per week), due to my being lax with sodium intake, but I've been doing better the last month or so as I'm in the final weeks of my HealthyWager challenge. At my last Doctor's appointment, he agreed to let me try foregoing my 10mg Lisinopril prescription. After several months of not taking a blood pressure medication, my blood pressure continues to be lower (<110/~68). I say blood pressure medication because I'm still taking 80mg Furosemide/10 MEq Potassium every day, and I know they act to lower blood pressure as well. At my next appointment near the end of October, I'm thinking about asking about titrating down to 40mg Furosemide, getting to be one step closer to off of those medications. Granted, I'll remain 90mg Vyvanse for the foreseeable future, but I'm hoping to work my way down on the Metformin as I continue to lose (and am not diabetic/pre-diabetic). With regard to Vyvanse, it's interesting to see how far I've come, working to break the habits that developed during my binges - so much so that I find that while I still get some cravings, it's now been months since the thought of binging has crossed my mind.

In addition to the Weight Management Program and Doctor visits, I continue to attend weekly physical therapy appointments for lymphedema treatment, focusing primarily on the lobes on my thighs. Progression has slowed, somewhat, but I still occasionally have ~whooshes where I'll lose ~200-300mL of volume in my legs. I've begun noticing muscle and skeletal definition (in both my hands/arms, as well as my feet/legs) that I've never had previously, and I often find myself tracing along a vein or bone just because it seems so foreign.

I'm on a 515-day streak with MyFitnessPal, and I continue to shoot for ~1400-1500 calories every day. I tried to keep a balanced macro-nutrient profile (40% Carb / 30% Protein / 30% Fat), but the only things that I track closely are overall calories, protein, and sodium. Overall calories speaks for itself (using CICO), the protein is mostly in an attempt to maintain lean body mass (as well as providing some additional protein for working out), and the sodium is to moderate water retention as I'm doing several weight loss challenges. I continue to meal prep weekly (generally 6-8 meals), supplementing with other meals during the week for variety.

At the end of May, I signed up for a gym, and worked out solidly for ~3 months before life got in the way with a new job. The new schedule threw a wrench in my routine, and I'm still working my way through the timing of everything, but I will probably be waiting another ~3 weeks before I begin working out again. I found that my weight loss slowed more than I had originally expected (I know this was due to extra water retention for muscle repair from lifting, and an increase in blood volume from cardio, and that both are good things), but I want to complete my HealthyWager before I resume. Once October is over, and I've received ~2000$ from completing the challenge, I will gladly push myself to get back to the gym. I know that I have a lot of fat left to lose, but I was interested in working out after my 2nd DEXA scan in April because I thought it would allow me to see a larger difference in body composition (as the 1st and 2nd DEXA scans were done with diet alone, versus the 2nd and most recent DEXA scans being both diet and lifting).

Since my DEXA scan in April, I've gone from 53.1% to 47.5% body fat (383 to 325 on the scale), which I have to admit was somewhat surprising. With diet alone, I dropped ~5.7%, and with the introduction of working out, I dropped ~5.6% - though, I fully understand what while the number with working out is technically lower, it represents a larger percentage change overall. Overall, my body fat percentage has gone from 58.8% to 47.5% (437 to 318 on the scale), with only a ~5.4 pound loss in lean muscle - I'll count that as a win. I have to wonder if the lower loss of body fat was due to the fact that I was only just getting to the point of lifting heavier weights when I had the DEXA scan performed. With the lifting protocol, I started with just the bar, and was working my way through the linear progression, having only barely made it to the point of truly struggling to lift the weights. Either way, after my HealthyWager completes at the end of October, I look forward to getting back into the gym - as while I've noticed strength gains, I hope to get some more newb gains with still having a good amount to lose, and leading to an increased change in body composition at my next DEXA scan in another ~50 pounds lost.

Most of the money I've won thus far has been going toward the purchase of clothes. I continue to watch for sales and discounts in an attempt to be frugal, as well as continuing to stagger sizing so that I have a limited amount of clothes as specific sizes. A few weeks ago, I had donated a suit that I wore when I'd graduate college because it was far too large, and noticed that Men's Wearhouse had a set of khakis for ~10$ - so I bought ~5 pairs (from 50 all the way down to 42), as I don't really know what size I'll be in the end. There have been a lot of size changes over the last ~17 months, as I've gone from 6XL shirts to ~2XL depending on the maker, and from size 72 pants to ~52. It's become a little bit of a game for me when I'm shopping for clothes, looking at the different price points based on the size of the item - it gives me a new goal, knowing that when I lose a little more, I'll save another 2-3$ when I reach that next sizing bracket.

I'm continually surprised with the progress that I've made thus far, with how much easier movement, tasks, and life have become. In these last 515 days, I've become less than half the man I was, managing to lose 317 pounds (50.5% of my original weight). I still want to lose another ~100 pounds (mostly just to say that I've lost 400), and because I have no idea where I want to end up, as the last time I was any of these weights, I was in Junior High and/or High School, and my weight never stopped increasing.

tl;dr (515 days) 31M / SW: 628 / CW: 311

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From obese to a healthy BMI: A confidence journey

Hi Friends! I have been contemplating my journey to a healthy BMI in 9 months. I started at the end of January at 187.1lbs at 5'1.75” (yes I tmeasured to a quarter of an inch).
I

n previous posts, I've talked about my crossfit journey and how I chose my diet, so in this post I'm going to focus on how my confidence has grown since beginning this journey. Firstly, I had to figure out how I got overweight. I wish I had some stunning epiphany to tell you. While there are certain things that have contributed to weight gain throughout my life, including depression, sexual assault, and stressful school/work environments, the main contributing factor that I could pin-point to my childhood was that I was never taught to eat a well-balanced healthy diet. Seconds? I was a cute little growing girl... I was allowed thirds and fourths if I chose. We always had Pizza on Friday nights, maybe Chinese food on Saturday, and if I was lucky some dessert after Sunday night dinner. My family had pasta dishes, fried chicken, and everything you shouldn't have throughout the week. This is not counting the ton of junk food we had in the house. We were all overweight.

I was different from the other little girls at school, and I'm not just talking about my weight. I was the only black kid in an all white school. Not the class. Not the grade. The school. Ok, ok... there was one other little black girl the grade below me. The other kids weren't necessarily racist, but they do target whoever is different. Hitting puberty at the age of 10 didn't help either. Having horrible acne, hyper-pigmentation, and later facial scars sucked... and I was just overall socially awkward. Yep... I was a prime-bullying target. If Netflix made a show called “Fat Awkward Nerdy Kids of the USA”, I would be on the pilot episode.

Despite the fact we were all overweight and obese in my family, looks were never emphasized in my family. I was taught kindness, compassion, and morality. Traits I still have today. Legit, my co-workers and friends tell me I'm one of the kindness people they've ever met. Hell, I reconnected with one of my ex-boyfriends a couple of weeks ago after no-contact for many years. We were discussing the good times, and he said it was so hard to break my heart and leave because he didn't know what to do with such a nice person. I had musical talent, so in my teenage years I was a competitive pianist, played clarinet, and sang in the school choir. Also, I was intelligent. In high school, I was that kid who slept through like every class. That didn't stop me from getting A's and some B's, and very large scholarships to state schools and some very nice private schools. But goddamn I was awkward looking in my teenage years.

When I got to Jesuit school for college, I was still socially awkward, shy, and just nerdy looking. I gained a ton of weight past the freshman 15, and two girls on my dorm floor tried to bully me. That was the first time I've ever experienced about 10 other girls stand up for me. For the first time I felt like a person of worth. I began to drop weight through Weight Watchers, but Jesuit school still focuses on your character and your insides, so while losing weight the first time was a victory, a part of me didn't care to keep it off. Gosh, I guess it sounds like a bad thing to focus on your character. The problem was I was told that being overweight/obese doesn't matter as long as I'm a nice person. I guess, from a dignity POV yes, but your health should not be neglected just because you're a nice guy or girl.

During my 20s I slowly put 50lbs back on. This was through grad school, through stressful jobs, through abusive romantic partners. I didn't eat to escape or not deal with my feelings. I don't think I'm a stress eater. Just eating healthy was put on the back-burner. So, this January, my current adventure in weight loss began. I dropped down from my management position to a less stressful position that allowed me to get more sleep, focus on crossfit and eating right. I don't think a lot of people took me seriously at first. It took about two or three months to lose 5-7lbs, but fuck I was proud. I wasn't gaining. My crossfit gym had a partnered weight loss competition. They had a different diet than the one I was using. This diet was a better fit. That was excellent. I had a particular problem though. My partner in the challenge took the time to talk down to me and just behave passive-aggressively. I didn't cry, I didn't smack anyone, and I remained “nice”. We didn't win, but I lost around 10lbs in a month. I think my partner stayed the same. I'm not sure, she defriended me on Facebook immediately after the challenge. This taught me I could handle uncomfortable people during my journey. We know they come out in droves when any of us try and better ourselves.

A month after the competition, my friends began to encourage me to start dating. I hadn't seriously dated since I broke up with my abusive ex-boyfriend about a year and a half prior. I've had causal relationships, friends with benefits, and one night stands. But to actually date? Be intimate long term again with a person who could manipulate me, hurt me, and rape me? The thought of it made me want to hide under a rock. But alas, I tried... I knew it was time.

Let me tell you, the dating world is the biggest mixed-bag of nonsense I've ever encountered. There were some terrible experiences, but some good ones too. I've met some people off r/r4r, some people from okcupid, and some people from real life. During this time, I continued dropping weight. Each person I dated, whether one date or two-three months, taught me sometimes new. At the beginning of August, I had dropped over 40lbs and I finally felt like I was worth it... For the first time ever, at the age of 29, I finally believed I was just as beautiful as the pretty blonde girls who bullied me and called me ugly throughout my childhood.

I began to invest in myself, in a different way. I got my skincare down, I'm investing in make-up, I'm believing in myself. For the first time ever I can look in the mirror and I don't notice my hyper-pigmentation or my acne scars. I see a beautiful woman with a great smile, perfect eyebrows, perfect eyelashes, and NO WRINKLES to speak of. Interestingly enough, I cannot see any difference in my body when I look in the mirror. I can, however, see it in pictures. I am now over 50lbs down. I'm going to keep going until I get to the body-fat percentage I want to be at. Every pound I can feel my confidence increasing. On the day I turned 30 I was sitting in a bar with my sister. We took a selfie together. No filter. I didn't recognize myself. A beautiful modelesque woman who looked much younger than 30 (but old enough to be at the bar) looked back at me. I was still overweight by 2lbs. This picture immediately got posted to facebook. People began to DM me calling me “the skinny one” in the picture.

Since mid-August, I've been dating a really nice guy. A teacher at a local school. Well-traveled, well-educated, and super-cute. We've been on one-two dates a week, we've had sleepovers, he calls me every night we're not together, but he says he's not ready to commit. Ok, fair enough, as it's only been a month and a half. Some people like to take things slowly. This week, I hit a healthy BMI and couldn't have felt better. On Saturday, he cancelled our date saying he had a sinus infection and wanted to rest. Alright, cool. I get sinus infections too and I literally cannot with them. He told me to call him Sunday night (tonight). Sure, sounds good. We txted in the morning, but when I called him at night he didn't pick up. Quite unusual of him, but he's sick.

My anxiety riddled mind wanted to go “OMG he's ghosting you! This is worst case scenario!!” My depression riddled mind wanted to go to the same negative thought parade I've been having since I was 13 years old: “You're ugly! You're worthless! Maybe if you were pretty, blonde, and skinny like the other girls in your class he would want to date you!”
Honestly, all I need to do now is look at my profile picture and to know I am worth it. I enjoyed my night. I admired all the new make-up I bought, and the healthy part of my mind says he'll txt me first thing in the morning. If he doesn't? I'm so beautiful now he's a fool if he ghosts me. I'll have no problems finding another. I'm the total package now: I'm kind, I'm talented, intelligent, an awesome cook, and now I'm at a healthy weight and hot as fuck. Really? You have to be a damn fool not to want to get on board.

So, keep going. Keep losing weight. Keep building your confidence. Keep dating. Keep working on you. You are so worth it! Stay beautiful, stay nice, stay kind. Love others, and most of all, love yourself! You can do this too! Good luck!

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