I'm a 36 year old guy. I'm 6 ft 1 and weigh around 140kg. I am single, trying to date but it's very clear no woman wants a man who weighs this much.
I always had an issue with my weight, I was molested when I was 8 years old and my family's staple of high carb diet didn't help at all. I always ate till I was overly full, there was no moderation. Some of my earliest memories were my friends laughing at how much I ate and my uncle telling my mother he thinks I eat far too much for my age.
I hated sports till I reached my 20s. During my early to mid 20s I was full of rage as the memories of what I had to go through started affecting me more and more. At university I studied medicine and I decided to take up boxing. I loved it and did very well in the sport, my grades were very good too but one day unfortunately I was standing in front of a group of girls in the gym , doing squats as a warm up and one of them groped my rear. I was too terrified to speak out but I still remember I was in a hazey, numb state for a good 2 weeks. I immediately quit the sport and my grades plummeted to where I went from being first of the class to getting kicked out of university. That was the last time I ever hit the gym.
Since then I have been yo-yo dieting. There were times in my life in my late 20s when I would work out at home obsessively almost to the point of near passing out but that sort of lifestyle is never sustainable so I'd give up, gain a whole bunch of weight and start again. Since covid though, despite all my efforts I haven't been able to slim down.
Im quite frankly tired of lying to people who show concern about my health. I have gotten to the point where I eat lunch alone at work, as a manager I attend dinners with other colleagues where I'd order a salad to show everyone that I'm very fat but I'm eating healthy but then immediately go to KFC on the way home and order a 10 piece bargain bucket all to myself and eat the chips the next day. I still live at home (I'll be moving to my new apartment in a month) and to bypass my mother who keeps a strict inventory of food in the kitchen and pantry, I usually snack at 2am when everyone's gone to sleep by ordering McDonald's at the 24 hour drive through.
This fat is not only killing me, it's made my life so much harder. Having to constantly hide myself from eveyome is exhausting. When I go to the office I am the only one who takes the lift, I go earlier than everyone so no one sees me avoid the stairs and how much the lift dips when I step on. I can't urinate properly, I have to sit down to pee and that involves fumbling around all the fat to find my pathetic manhood. I can't wipe my rear properly either, my arms aren't that flexible anymore. I'm tired all the time as I can't sleep properly and I went from looking young to looking like I'm at least early to mid 40s. I don't look at myself in the mirror and I avoid all glass reflections.
Today was the last straw when I was at a funfair with my friends kids for their birthday (they're twins) They wanted to go on one of the rollercoasters and as my friend recently had a knee surgery he was in a wheelchair so I decided to go. I couldn't fit on the ride, the staff there said the kids couldn't ride without an adult and I wasn't allowed to ride because I was too fat so we ended up going home. I tried arguing with the staff there but they weren't having it. The kids were extremely disappointed , they were crying for most of the journey home and as soon as I got home I burst into tears and have been unable to stop crying for a good hour. This is my lowest point , I can't believe I let things get this far. Even now, I ordered a large stuffed crust pizza out of desperation and hurt. I went From running half marathons with a pace of being under 5mins per KM to being unable to walk up one flight of stairs or fit in a rollercoaster.
Is it too late for me? I know weight loss gets harder when we reach our mid to late 30s but is my life now completely ruined with no hope?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/NgAlsi5
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