Hello, folks! I could use some support or some advice here on how to deal with a person raining on your weight loss parade.
I'm a 27-year-old woman and I occasionally post photos to my Instagram story to show off my progress. I know it's a little bit attention-seeking, but damn it, I like the way I look for the first time in my life, and it's not the end of the world to want a little attention for it.
I wasn't losing a huge amount of weight to begin with, and I'd say I'm down almost 20 pounds. My weight loss was more for aesthetic goals than health-related ones, and I know that sometimes that can make people roll their eyes at you. I don't try to pretend that I'm something I'm not, I make it really clear that I was always a pudgy kid and I'm just excited to not be pudgy for once in my life.
However, now I have some people in my life who I think have politicized this to a degree I'm not comfortable with.
It started with our Facebook group chat, where my friends and I often share accomplishments, whether it be professional, financial, hobbies, home life, etc. I shared a photo of my skinny jeans being super loose on me with the caption, "I've never been more excited to go to Old Navy" implying that I need to get new, smaller clothes.
One of the people in this chat, a woman with whom I've never been particularly close (let's call her Dasha), has started using this as an opportunity to bring up fat-shaming and body positivity. A quote from the chat:
Like I think it's great that you're getting healthier but the focus on pictures of your body all the time is a little unnecessary. It's one thing if you don't accept the way you look and you want to change it, I think there's some self-loathing in there that you could probably deal with, but on top of that to make it the thing you talk about constantly makes it seem like you're encouraging other fat women to start viewing their body critically
and then
Nobody takes a "before and after" picture without implying that the after is the better version, so it's like any of the people who identified with you because you were chubby & confident now are seeing a version of you where it's like "no i'm so much better now that i fit in with societal standards"
I tried to counter this as much as possible but she took me really off guard with this stuff. Very few other people chimed in with anything, except a friend of mine who had also lost a ton of weight at one point saying, "No, trust me, she's not encouraging anyone to view their body critically. I'm sure WittyRutabaga is doing this for herself and isn't judging anyone else's choices," which I liked and kind of helped slow the roll of the conversation.
The second incident was on a post I made on Facebook denouncing all the snake oils and scam products that advertise weight loss, deliver zero results, and trick women out of money. I had a different girl comment on it, accusing me of fat-shaming because, and I quote:
For some people, those products are the last ditch effort they have for getting the weight off, and it's really disheartening that you would shame those women for having to use something outside of diet and exercise to help them reach their goals.
I tried to explain that I was only denouncing scam products which don't actually work, but she was having none of it.
Unfortunately, it's outside the realm of the internet now. It is now in The Real World.
The final incident occurred at a potluck the other night on what was also my cheat day, I went in on some Fettucine Alfredo (the carbs sing to me). I sat down at a table with some friends of mine, and one of my male friends sat down next to me. This guy is similar to me, we both grew up in Italian houses surrounded by carbs, and now we both are more healthy than anyone in our respective families.
Jokingly, he goes, "Woah! Cheat day?"
I giggled and held up the plate. "Cheat day." He laughed and referred to the fact that he didn't have a cheat day but he was going to eat all the chicken he could find.
Dasha, sitting on the other side of the table, loudly goes, "COOL." Utter silence at the table for the next 30 seconds until we found something else to talk about. Later on in the night, I overheard Dasha, her bf, and a friend of theirs talking about 'how cool it was to throw body positivity out the window at a food party.'
I don't know, of course the proper answer is to ignore it, but I know this won't be the last time I interact with someone who has this much of a sticking point around things. Have I become the ambassador of fat-shaming somehow? Is there a way to talk about your weight loss journey in public and avoid these types of things, or is it just inevitable? Any assistance or advice would help.
TL;DR - Weight loss celebration is being interpreted as fat-shaming by a few people I know. Is this worth doing anything about or changing anything, or should I keep on keepin' on?
