(Edit: "I'm" not "I've hot", I can't proofread apparently and I am not sure what I meant to write lol)
I've been lurking here for a while and I am grateful this forum is here. I like, want to share this with everyone but I am also so embarrassed. And I have quit a lot of social media over the last year and like it that way now. I'm just so silently excited inside to his 50 lbs.
I'm 44F, 5' 5" SW 272, CW 222 GW ??? 50 lbs! About a year ago, deep into the pandemic, I hit a scary high for me, 272. I was at the dr for GERD-related issues and was dumbfounded, mortified, and it just sank me.
Like a lot of people, the pandemic led me to a period of binge drinking away from the horrible of the world. I had serious anxiety and panic attacks at the start of the pandemic and then just, sank into a deep depression. And I was already drinking more than a person should, I think but not really any more than my social circles did, a little too much wine on the weekend sort of thing. The wine mom trope, terrible. But it was bad last year, kids go to bed, 4 out of 7 nights I'd have a drink or three and just tune out the world. wake up feeling like garbage. So I gained like 22 lb in 5 months.
It was a come to Jesus moment. I had already hit a scary high about 5 years prior when I hit 250. I've been heavy my whole adult life but always stayed in the 200-220 range and 220 was my scary high for the longest time. I've been dealing with some work, and move/life-related trauma for the last 6 years. Lost a job I loved in a nasty way, moved away from all my friends, had a second baby, moved again. The second pregnancy changed my body and weight. I still am working on physically coming back from that pregnancy too. Mentally from the job loss and move away from my support network. But this was hitting bottom I think.
So I quit drinking, found a therapist, and started a higher dose of my antidepressant. Started meditating, trying to do yoga at home (I really prefer classes), and just generally TRYNG to be and feel better. My goal wasn't weight loss. It was mental health. But turns out my depression drinking and ennui meant I was not just drinking extra calories but eating more too.
And now I look back at my pre-parent days of going out every weekend and eating out all the time and realize maybe this has been my issue all along. I used to bike like over 3000 miles a year, I lived without a car and all my social life revolved around biking really. I ate all super healthy when I cooked for myself and I've never really been a breakfast person or a snacker. I never really understood why I couldn't lose weight. I was super fit but never got below 200 lb.
Now I am a part-time couch potato but I have slowly lost that 50 lbs of depression pandemic drinking weight of the last 6 years. And I am guessing I will keep losing? I don't know how to feel about that.
It's exciting but scary. I hope I do! But it's scary to think of being outside my comfort range of 200-220, even if it's less.
I didn't start out with the goal of losing weight. I wanted to quit drinking and slowly killing myself, live to be a crotchety old lady. But now it is a goal. A part of getting mentally and physically healthy. I feel like I can go into the next year, turn 45 and feel so much better about myself.
And I am looking forward to finding new ways to get back in shape, I can't really bike like I used to. But I am going to try to afford a personal trainer next year and do some strength training.
I am not sure if I will try to add back in any drinking at some point or if it will just be too tempting and delicious. I don't miss it much. I use
Thanks for being here as a motivating place to hear everyone's stories. It's been a great help. Thanks for listening to my little hurrah. =)
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