I've been "trying to lose weight" for over a year, but really haven't done anything that lasted longer than a week or two in that time. I've been maintaining and had gotten complacent.
About 2 1/2 weeks ago I went in to my OBGYN to switch my birth control. I had a hormone implant in my arm that was close to expiring and wanted to switch to the pill. My husband and I are getting closer to making a decision on kids and I wanted something less permanent in case we wanted to start trying to conceive.
After checking in, a nurse took my blood pressure, got a concerned look on her face, then left the room and told me to try some deep breathing while she was gone (I instead proceeded to freak out). She came back with my gyno, took it again, and I was told my BP was "REALLY high." At that point I was starting to cry and didn't even ask what the numbers were. My gyno was great, helped me calm down, and told me I needed to make an appointment with a primary care physician to start blood pressure management. She said most types of BC pill were bad for high blood pressure, so we talked through other options. We talked about me getting healthy before trying to get pregnant.
I left my appointment feeling horrible about how unhealthy I had let myself get. I felt like my high blood pressure was some sort of personal failure, like I was lesser and I had ruined myself. Fortunately, therapy in the past taught me how to break out of these negative self talk spirals and I was able to give myself a reality check after an hour or so, but it was rough. I now recognize that my genetics play a large part, but there is a ton in my control that I can do to make myself healthier.
Once I got out of my shame spiral I immediately got to work. Looked up a few primary care doctors through my insurance and called around until I found one that was accepting new patients and had an appointment in a couple days. Same thing to find a therapist who I would work with to better manage my anxiety and to help support my weight loss from a mental health angle. Finding a therapist has felt impossible for the last few months, but someone at one of the large practices near me spent almost half an hour with me finding someone who was available, covered by my insurance, and seemed like a good fit for my needs and personality. He was seriously such a rock star and I could not thank him enough.
I love my new PCP. She laid the facts out for me and it really feels like we are a team working on my health together. I'm on BP medication now and it's working very well. In two weeks my BP went from the very top of the hypertensive stage 2 range to a healthy range. I've started therapy and white it's still early days I feel very hopeful about what's to come. In the short term, I'm using the See How You Eat app to be more mindful of what I'm eating. I am currently working towards food freedom/intuitive eating, but recognize that at some point in my weight loss journey I will likely need to focus on eating to a tracked caloric deficit. I'm trying to ease into changes slowly so I don't get too overwhelmed and burn out.
I'm feeling more motivated than I ever have. I want to be able to manage my blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood sugar with as little medication as possible. I want my body to be healthy enough to have a safe, low-risk pregnancy. I want to feel like I'm in control of my eating and not like I'm controlled by my cravings. I want to feel proud of how I'm managing a somewhat scary and unexpected diagnosis for someone my age. My latest blood panels are out for testing and there's still a chance for more bad news (such as prediabetes or high cholesterol), but I know I can take action on any bad news to keep myself safe in the long run.
I tend to dive in deep to new habits and routines and really over do it early on, which means I burn out quickly and quit. This time feels different. I'm so stoked to make improvements, but I'm forcing myself to take it slow. I'm only allowing myself to track 2 new habits each week, and they have to be small. Even though my measurable progress is minimal so far, mentally I feel further along in my weight loss journey than I have in months. It's great knowing I have support and accountability from my therapist and PCP.
If anyone has experienced (or is experiencing) something similar please feel free to reach out! I'm always looking to connect with others to form relationships and support each other on our health journeys.
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