Here We Go (Again..)

Hey everybody,

I’m 23F, 5’4”, SW: 101kg, CW: 99kg, GW: 55kg

It finally happened, after being really on the ball earlier this year and getting down to 90kg, I stress ate and ignored my health all the way to 100kg. That is very close to morbidly obese for my height and I really have had enough.

Back story: I was a pretty normal-sized kid, I hit puberty early and so had curves sooner than other kids in my class but was a healthy weight until I was about 16 years old. My parents don’t believe in weighing yourself so we never had scales at home and I honestly have no clue how much I weighed in my late teens, I only really have photos to go off. I know from a hospital stay that I was 70kg at 16yo, slightly overweight but carried it well, but also already had crippling self-image and binge eating issues then. My weight then sky-rocketed and I weighed 100kg at 18. This was my highest weight.

Over the next few years I gradually lost weight without really trying. I definitely still ate and drank more than I needed, but lived a very active life and so gradually got healthier. By 19 I was 87kg, and then over the next year, having moved into an apartment on the 7th floor with no lift, I lost another 12kg taking me to 75kg at 20. I then had a really nasty bout of chickenpox where I dropped to 67kg - still slightly overweight but the healthiest weight I’ve been at in my adult life. I maintained that weight for a year with almost no issue, and then two years ago I moved back home to pursue my degree. Since then I’ve pretty steadily been putting weight on, despite short periods of successfully calorie counting and losing/maintaining.

Being at home seems to be really problematic for me mostly because it triggers my psychological impulse to binge, and with the pandemic my activity levels have dropped massively. I don’t do much in the way of sport, but in a normal no-pandemic day I would easily hit 10,000 steps and generally be quite active.

Having hit 100kg has been the shock I think I needed to really focus and get on with weight loss. I don’t want to go through my whole life being the fat friend, I don’t want to have health problems, I want to be able to document this really exciting part of my life without being afraid of the photos. My big motivations currently are my graduation next summer (I want to take some hot ass photos that I’m proud of) and to be able to run a 10km race (currently can stretch to a 5km, but would love to be fitter).

Currently I’m eating at 1600kcal a day and making sure I hit my 10k steps. Not cutting out any foods yet as want to keep it as simple as possible, but am fasting 16:8 which comes pretty naturally to me anyway. I’m also working on the body weight fitness recommended routine but mostly for strength rather than weight loss. Frustratingly I’ve done this all before on a smaller scale, and so I know that it works, it’s just the perseverance I struggle with. I’m a bit scared that I’ve ruined my body forever by letting myself hit such a high weight twice - I have loads of stretch marks on my stomach which have appeared over the last year, and I’m sure I’ll have loose skin on my arms and stomach when I hit my goal, not to mention really saggy boobs. I know this is all trivial alongside the health benefits, but it does freak me out. Any tips, tricks or wisdom to pass on would be heartily welcomed.

So yeah, that’s it basically. Posting mostly for accountability so thank you for reading this far, fingers crossed I can finally stick to healthier habits! 🤞🏻

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