How do I learn to be patient?

Hi everyone! For context I am F20, 5'1 and 145lbs (GW: 120lbs)

I was overweight most of my life, and last year during the lockdown in my city, I lost around 44lbs and got to around 132lbs. I basically did low carb and didn't track anything, it seemed like the weight just fell off, and I suddenly had to learn how to accept compliments about my appearance etc. I actually found the change in perception from other people of me slightly disturbing, but flattering nonetheless. I think I went into my weight loss journey super naive. I did a lot of walking but didn't exercise a lot and I didn't know how much I was eating. In reality, I was probably eating anywhere between 1200 to 1800 calories a day. I started a new semester of university this term and started working a full-time job. I found I was so much more hungry than before and was binging after work as I hadn't eaten enough during the day. I did my best to eat to a low carb diet but also neglected my chronic health issues (I'm a type one diabetic). basically, I was just neglecting myself totally and felt so out of control. When I was first losing weight I had nearly perfect BGL control and slowly my numbers crept up my last test was flagged with a doctor for potential complications down the track. I put a large chunk of the weight back on- I think around 15lbs (can't be sure as I only weighed myself this week after losing a bit)

I have been researching calorie deficits, macros etc and I find it quite clear and obvious that its the best option for losing weight, I think in the last 4 weeks or so I've lost about 5lbs (I've gotten over my fear of the scale so will be more accurate now, I have a feeling it might be a bit more lost with accounting for water weight). But the main issue I have had is fear of overeating. I am using the loseit app to track my calories, and my goal is approx 1500 calories per day. I exercise a fair bit- I run 3 times a week and go to the gym as well as walking a lot. My TDEE says my maintenance at my height and weight is 2143, so 1500 is a 643 calorie deficit. But I am eating sometimes under 1200 calories a day, mainly because I am scared that my tracking is inaccurate and I'm overeating. I find it really difficult to trust the process, eat enough and not fear the result. I weigh most things but I still find it so hard to trust what I'm doing. I think I am scared that people will notice I have put some weight back on and I want to lose it as fast as possible, but that neglect put me in this situation anyway!

I am glad to be back on track and on a positive path to being healthy, I just neeeeeed tips to help me be patient and trust the process.

Thanks for reading, I know it's a long post but you're all so smart and have so much to say that i need to hear.

Thanks :))

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