Hey, all.
I know how this sounds. I also know how motivating the idea is that weight loss will make us more attractive. I feel conflicted about thinking these thoughts, but here it is.
I have been fat my whole life. I gained weight for the first time when my grandparents died when I was 12. Parents divorced, money problems, coming to terms with being gay, etc. And I dealt with these struggles with food. At 18 I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder, and struggled so much. I hit my heaviest weight at 325lbs at the age of 16. At 19 I was able to get down to 270 but bounced between 280-290lbs in college. I told myself I was okay as long as I didn't teeter over 300lbs.
I was 22 when I made a change. I was miserable and I hated myself. I hated how people looked at me. I had never dated or had sex - I'd asked out two people who declined, one saying "you're just not the kind of person someone would want to date." Fuck that dude. I felt I was missing out on life, and my depression was only getting worse and keeping me from going to class and being successful in life.
I changed. Running with CICO and some water fasting. I didn't believe it was possible. Seeing a loss of only 2lbs some weeks made me believe I would never be able to do this. Now I'm 25 and sitting here at 186lbs. I haven't been this weight since middle school (I'm tall).
It's an adjustment. I went from being someone no one ever looked at, to someone random people at the store want to stare at. It makes me very uncomfortable to be honest, I liked feeling invisible when I wanted to. People flirt with me for the first time ever - it's so strange. I'm not used to speaking that way, or feeling like I'm the type of person who someone would want to love (yeah, I still have issues I'm working on).
Going from being physically unattractive for the majority of my life to being on the more attractive side of the spectrum is so strange. I really wasn't sure if this was all in my head, and my friends are nice to me, so I posted a photo in a "rate me" sub on my main account. People out of my league get a score of "8", so I was nervous. Every comment said I was a 10. It's really hard to believe, but there it is.
This is an adjustment. The idea that someone is being nice to me because they think I'm attractive is repulsive to me, but at the same time I feel like I'm finally being treated like a person. The way larger people are treated in my culture is disgusting. People used to ask me to move because I was so large. Now people stand uncomfortably close to me in lines, touch me a lot, and random strangers say "hello, boss." I'm not your boss, go away.
So...NSV, I think.
Gotta say, I do love my legs now. I'll say that I think they're hot, and that my time on the leg press is paying off.
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