Hello, I don't really know how this is going, I have never published anything, but what does it matter.
For as long as I can remember, more or less, I have been a little overweight, even so in my childhood and adolescence I was not much more than a few extra pounds, even so I always had my parents and my family telling me that I was gaining weight, which caused me terrible anxiety, it hurts to admit it but I developed an anxiety problem because of which I ate when I felt like this, in fact I remember in my last years of adolescence waking up at night with a panic and going to eat something. I admit that in the In the last four years the problem has increased, and it has gotten out of hand.
Because of this, I have a hard time remembering a time when I wasn't on a diet or watched by my parents as to what I ate. About six years ago, I started going to nutritionists and doctors, despite the fact that this caused me more anxiety, my parents ignored it and kept taking me to these places.
I can understand that it is difficult for my parents to know how to deal with my anxiety, as much as I tried to make them understand that things were not going to go well like this, they kept pushing with the weight loss.
Three years ago I started university a little far from them, about 30 minutes by plane, at the same time I experienced a toxic relationship for two years, with bullying and psychological abuse included, the death of my paternal grandfather and my sister sick with something that We didn't even know what it was, to this day it's not clear what it is exactly but they keep her stable and we have treatment, all this away from my family, as if that wasn't enough with the anxiety, I ended up not being able to leave the student residence and without attending class because of agoraphobia.
This last year, I have begun to improve, I can now go to classes almost without any problem, I left the one who is now my ex-boyfriend (even though after leaving him he harassed me for six months) in terms of weight, after all the ups and downs it was bad, I am overweight and I know it is a serious problem that I have to solve, in two months I have lost 11 pounds, it is useless for my mother, it is nothing, I still remember the first thing she told me the first time I came to visit her since college : "you are like a cow"
comments like this no longer affect me, I've heard each one... in a way I appreciate it, now I'm bulletproof, that your family makes comments like this makes you this.
My family is not as bad as it seems, they have given me a roof, food, love and affection...
I think the only thing they've done wrong is the weight issue, and getting to the point where I wanted to get to, I've been under threat from my mother all summer that if I don't lose at least 22 pounds I won't go back to university.
I understand that I have to do something but I am coming out of the recent bad streak, for a long time I have accepted being injected with weight loss drugs, extreme diets, intermittent fasting... even though I have tried to stop eating, which is not correct, I am unable because anxiety makes me eat instinctively whether or not I'm hungry.
I really don't know what I expect by posting this, I don't want to make you think that my family is bad, it's not, they have supported me many times, I usually keep quiet about my things, I tend to think that mine doesn't matter and more since my sister's, But I don't know how to act, or what to do to be able to leave.
One thing is clear to me, I know that if I stay and do not go to university, it is most likely that I will develop a deep depression and that they want to lock me up somewhere so that I can lose weight.
In short, I don't know what I should do or how to manage things…
