I've peeked in on this subreddit many times, but never subscribed until today.
I'm 23 and male. I've been out of college since May 2017 and have been working at a sedentary office job since February.
I'm over 350 pounds. Or at least, that's what I've been estimating since June 2015. That was after I'd torn my ACL in high school (2012/2013) and added fifty pounds over the course of the two years. I made it as low as 327 in November of that year, according to my MyFitnessPal history.
But since then, I've gone up and down. Fighting with weight is difficult when you're in college and mental illness is looming it's ugly head. The lack of urgency that comes with having a stable relationship during that time (we started dating in 2012) doesn't help either.
Over that time I've fluctuated between 320 and 350+. I haven't weighed myself in over three years, but I feel fatter than I was at that time, so I'm probably closer to 370. I'll find out soon, once I've picked up a scale.
But, I'm tired of it. I'm just so tired of being the fat guy. I'm tired of seeing a person and wondering how much they're judging me. I carry my weight well, I guess, but I know that people are still thinking about how fat I am.
I'm tired of being the guy who's athletic or attractive "for a fat guy." Nobody's ever said that to me, but that's something I've told myself for years, to rationalize why it's not a big deal. I'm tired of being the guy who carries his weight well. I have had people shocked when I tell them my weight. But I'm over it. It doesn't do me any good.
So, I'm making a change. I'm not going on a diet, because those are temporary. I'm making a life change. I'm tired of the MFP app sitting on my phone, doing nothing besides being a token of my shame, simply reminding me what a piece of shit I am. I don't want to be that piece of shit anymore.
I have to lose somewhere between 150-200 lbs to get to my goal weight. I don't know how long that will take me, but I plan on being aggressive.
Part of the problem, I think, was that when you're in college, it's harder to see the bigger picture. With tons of due dates and presentations/exams/essays looming, it's hard to see past them. You envision things in the short term. I knew how much weight i needed to lose, and I knew how long it would take to do so in a healthy way (only 2lbs a week, are you kidding?). I think, maybe, that's why I struggled and gave up so many times.
But I've been working the same job, with no due dates, just a daily grind that stays the same. The 10 months I've worked here have breezed by in the blink of an eye. If I'd started then, I'd already could have lost 80 lbs. But, the second best time to start is now, I suppose.
I've succeeded in making changes in the past. I used to be a soda junkie. In high school, I would down six cans of mtn dew in a night, on the regular. The amount of sugar I consumed via liquid makes me sick, looking back. But I managed to cut it clean out of my life. I also cut out other forms of shitty sugar. Things like poptarts, mini muffins, other treats like that used to be my go-to snacks. I succeeded in removing those from my life, so who says I can't cut carbs out of my life? I'm not saying that (at least, not anymore).
It's been quite a whirlwind of a week, with multiple things serving as an impetus for the change I'm making, hell, I've already made. I visited a buddy of mine over the weekend in Chicago. We went out and had some drinks and talked. His girlfriend had gained some weight since college and started on a keto diet to lose it. He and I talked about doing that for me. I'd seen the keto diet on reddit and it was intriguing, but I'm unfortunately a huge carb lover (my big problem) and I figured I would fail if i tried it, so i never did. He and I (drunkenly) put together a half-assed meal plan while standing at the bar. His girlfriend encouraged me and we talked about how she was doing it.
I came back that Sunday and decided officially that I wanted to do it. I wanted to be the guy that he knew I could be. That I know I can be, someday. I threw out the bread and buns I'd just bought. I immediately began a plan. I didn't throw out everything I bought, but most of it, to prove to myself that I was serious.
But for the past three days, I've been eating very little, and very low carbs. Not low enough to spark ketosis, thanks to the frozen burgers, but close. In that short time, I feel better. I'm exhausted at times. Headaches come and go. And I get diarrhea at night. All from the lack of carbs, which I'd been stuffing my face with for the past... 20 years.
But there are other benefits. When I'm not tired, I feel like my focus is better. I'm already less bloated. I poop less. Holy shit, so much less. I used to poop 3-4 times a day. First thing in the morning, twice at work (one in the morning, one in the afternoon), and sometimes a fourth time in the evening. I haven't had to in the morning since I started this. I've only done so at work once a day, rather than two. And then the runs kick in when I get home. So 2-3 times now, only one legitimate.
Those changes alone have a made a world of difference, even if most of it is probably imaginary. I feel very encouraged. Posted about weight loss on an /r/science post today and had a lot of support and even encouragement to come here. I also saw the guy's post a day or so ago where he lost 115 lbs in 6th months, which is incredible. I saved that and look at it now and again, as inspiration.
So, here I am. I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this. Bored at work a little, i guess. Just want to officially state my intentions, more to myself than to anyone. To put my thoughts on paper for posterity. I don't know.
I think one of the biggest causes of me wanting to lose weight is because I'm writing a book. That may not make sense, but I feel so lethargic at times. Most of my writing has been done at work, but i get lethargic and unfocused most days so progress has been slow lately. I only started in September and I'm at 29,000 words, but I'm slowing down. I've never made this much progress on a personal project like this before and I want it to be as good as it can be.
The energy and focus benefits of losing weight and getting into better shape are my main reasons for doing it at this point. The better I feel, the more energized and focused i am, the better my book will be and the more progress I'll make on it.
The other reason is vanity. I want to look good. I have a girlfriend who I've been dating for six years, but I want people to be attracted to me anyway. I want to be able to post a picture online and for people to see it and like it, not because we're friends or they think the object of the pic is good, but because they're like, "Damn, he looks good." I think about all the people from high school that I'm friends with, that haven't seen me in years. I want to blow their minds when I make enough progress for a progress pic. Maybe that's shitty? Probably, but I don't care. I have to be honest with myself why I'm doing this or I'll have failed before I even begin.
Here's my plan:
Right now, I'm going to focus on my dietary changes. This week, I've just been focusing on reducing my carbs as I ease into things and finish up all the food I bought for myself before going on the trip and making this decision.
My weekly meal plan is this:
Breakfast may change, but for now, I'm going to eat an Atkins brand chocolate peanut butter bar. It only has 2g of sugar and 23g of total carbs (12 of which is fiber). That alone will probably put me too high for ketosis, so we'll see how it goes for a few weeks. In theory, I would get to the point of making eggs, and maybe some bacon, in the morning, but as of now, I just don't have time to do so with my long commute. Although, if my lack of need to poop first thing in the morning stays regular, that'll change things.
For lunch, I'm planning on putting together a caesar salad on sunday and portioning it out for the week and bringing it with me. There'll be my own variety of greens involved, because i hate the crunchy stalks that comes with a salad and prefer the leafy greens. I like spinach, so i'll be adding that in there, too. No croutons of course, which i don't like much anyway. I only need them for the stalks, without them, no need for croutons. Probably some chicken, too.
For dinners, I'll keep it simple. Meat of some kind and a TBD veggie. I'm not big on them (part of the problem) so I'll have to figure out what I like. Snacks will be limited to 1-2 servings of mixed nuts (lightly salted) per day. They're pretty calorie dense so I have to be careful with them. No more than 1 serving over the course of the day at work, if i even feel the need. No more than a total of 2 for the day.
The weekend will probably have some more variety, mostly meats and veg, but who knows.
I'll stick with that meal plan for awhile, until it becomes second nature and my body gets acclimated to it. Once that happens, I'll sign up for the gym again. Probably around the time of a plateau, definitely after the new years resolution crowd drops off (I don't like people lol).
Then, I just have to maintain this for the rest of my life. My life goal would be to write a book that people adore, one that's popular enough to turn into a big-time movie, then I could quit my day job and focus on more writing (which in turn would make eating right and exercising easier, and making life less stressful).
Anyway, if you've made it this far, thanks. It's a long post. I can be pretty long-winded at times, which bodes well for my aspirations of being a legitimate writer, haha. Hopefully, this time next year, you'll be looking at my progress pic after losing 100+ pounds!
