Trouble with weight loss while eating at a deficit

So I'm 31F, 166cm/65kg (5'5, 143.3lb), started on September 15 at 75kg (165.3lb). I looked at myself in the mirror and decided it was ENOUGh.

I quit alcohol cold turkey, stopped eating anything even remotely fun (sugar, sweets, pizza, fried food, etc, you get the idea), kept under 1200 kcal every single day even if I worked out (hiking uphill, weight lifting), and even though on most days I lay wrapped in a blanket on the floor, bawling my eyes out because I wanted a cider and a pizza and a ton of cake, I never caved. Some days I even ate under 1000kcal. Not the safest or healthiest of weight loss but I was really really really determined to fit into smaller pants by the time my birthday rolled around and I managed to do it.

I dropped down to 63 kg (138.9 lbs) by November 11, and I couldn't have been happier. My old clothes fit again, my pants don't hurt anymore and I don't feel repulsed by what I see in the mirror.

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BUT - then I had a sort of a breakdown mid november and went on a eating rampage which ended with me barfing up food in the middle of the night because I simply ate too much (if I could choose I wouldn't throw up but at that moment my body decided for me).

Since that day I kept under 1200 every single goddamn day and not only that I stopped losing weight, I even managed to crawl up to 65kg (143.3lb). I calculated my TDEE with several online calculators and all put me at around 1600kcal TDEE to maintain weight and at 1150 to lose weight, which I have been doing.

I log everything I eat into MFP. I weigh every single goddamn thing. I even weigh my lettuce and the oil I put on it, I weigh the butter I use to cook with and I weigh my meat raw. I even weigh my veggies and I don't use any condiments/sauces with hidden sugar. I use vinagrette on my lettuce. I drink my coffee black.

Now can someone please help me understand why THE HECK am I gaining weight ?! I wouldn't have minded if I have been eating properly these past 14 days but I remained in deficit and didn't eat any fun foods, only stupid white turkey meat and veggies and occasional rice, everything weighed and recorded, 95% of times I even overestimate just in case.

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What is going on :( I am slowly losing the will to continue and it's making me miserable, especially since I get to watch my partner eat huge amounts of actual fun food and be skinny AF. It's just not fair. :(

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Any advice would be welcome.

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I just accepted that my husband isnt at the same place I am with weight loss

I've really been dedicating myself over the past couple weeks to counting calories and being conscious about food. Took the day off for Thanksgiving to just enjoy, but it actually ended up bringing my estimated daily calories to 1500 which isnt bad at all! (Cutting is 1200, 5 foot sedentary F).

This morning I had cereal with milk and measured it while he had thanksgiving leftovers. I was eyeing the Tim Tams on the table and he encouraged me to have one to ease my way out of thanksgiving, and I ate it because hey, I can definitely fit that in. Went through the day eating normally, and then we went out. There was a special release at a brewery near me and we stopped in. I didnt really realize it at the time, should have been paying attention, but I drank about 20 oz of dark beer from all the tastings. We started talking about dinner and he asked how many calories I had left and I estimated around 500 but gestures at beer should probably go home and eat something light.

He waved his hand and said dont worry about the beer, it doesn't count.

Well....it does. It really, really does. Went out to dinner, came home, and I'm drafting a gentle rule list for myself to keep myself accountable because he just isnt in the same place mentally that I am.

I do not have to eat the same meals as him and can make myself something different in my calorie goal.

Since dinner seems to be the culprit of sending me skyrocketing, if we go out, appetizer or salad as a general rule.

No alcohol, unless my cheat day at the end of the week has room to account for that.

Since healthy snacks throughout the day are what my body seems to enjoy, I'll keep the house stocked with them and send him to work with a "regular" lunch.

I don't have to eat if I am not hungry when he is and I dont have to eat as much. I need to listen to my body and my caloric needs rather than feel that I should be following his lead.

Pausing to say, this is completely reflective of my unhealthy relationship with food, not on our relationship. I'm bringing it up with my therapist and all that good stuff.

I also came up with a fun game to make calorie counting a little more fun. At the start of the day, I get 12 buttons, each representing 100 calories. When I eat 100 calories, button goes away. If I exercise and burn 100 calories, button comes back. At the end of the day, leftover buttons go into a "cheat" jar that I can dip into on cheat day to see what I have achieved that week and make a wiser decision about what I'm going to splurge on. I think the visual is really going to feel rewarding and encourage me to be more active to earn those buttons back!

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I want to do it the right way

I've been overweight since I can remember, but since the beginning of 2019, my mindset with my health and well-being changed. I lost about 40 lbs this year, going from the 180s to 140s in a span of few months through healthier eating, counting calories, working out, and fasting. I've tried to lose weight in the past, but this year was when I actually took it seriously. And I felt great! My self esteem and confidence has never been higher in my entire life in the beginning.

However, I slipped into disordered eating and body dysmorphia. I became obsessed with counting calories and restricting less than 1000 calories everyday while also working out 3-4 times a week. Losing weight and the feeling of control was I all I could think about everyday. I attempted purging several times. I felt like I had so much control over my life. I ended up in the ED Instagram community and subreddits. I felt miserable, but I also had so much control and power over my life.

My low restriction eventually backfired when I started binge eating in June. It wasn't that bad in summer, but since leaving for college, it got worse. I've been binge eating 3000+ calories 3-4 days a week, and I stopped going to the gym mid-September. There is a gym on campus, but I always felt humiliated working out there. I gained back about 6 pounds (I think?) and I don't want it to get any worse. I have perfectionist tendencies, so I either restrict or binge, which caused me to go through a binge-restrict cycle.

Anyways, I want to lose weight the right way. Thanksgiving just passed, and I just wanted to enjoy it. I definitely overate, but I'm okay with it. I ended up binging on leftovers today though, and I just wanted to type this to distract myself and maybe remind myself to keep a positive mindset with my weight loss journey. I also recently deleted my ED instagram account because it always put me in a toxic negative mindset.

I appreciate any tips and suggestions. Thanks for reading.

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Been trying to diet since I was 11... afraid of failing again

I was a heavy weight kid, always tried to diet and always failed. Last school year, I naturally lost like 20 when I got my first job. Was fine with that, was happy with my weight. (Probably 160, 5’2”) but randomly got a kick this summer and lost another 20. I’m 142 now, and have been for 3 months. Problem is, my goal weight is 115-120. I’ve been stagnant for months and am afraid I’ll stay this way. I was okay with my body until I started intentionally dieting, but since that I’ve been insecure again and am afraid I’ll never loose it and remain insecure. I’ve been going to the gym every morning, but my eating has been bad. Today I brought turkey to work, and decided I’m doing this. My coworkers knows I’m trying to loose weight, as well as my family. I’m just afraid I’ll fail once again. I really hope I don’t, and I’m really gonna try to stay on track like I did to loose the 20 pounds I did a few months ago. Anyone relate to this? I just wanna be done with this weight issue, done with just being “okay” with my body. I wanna do this once and for all but am afraid of failure. Just gotta never give up I guess, that’s what I tell myself. Just don’t give up. It’s not the ideal time frame, taking three months off and all, but I didn’t gain back! I usually do! So that helps ease my mind. The universe in on my side in a way.

TLDR; I’m scared of failing at weight loss again. Anyone can relate?

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NSV Don't underestimate how weight loss can help your PARTNER sleep better!

Hi everyone,

My girlfriend who I live with and I were watching a show last night and snoring came up and I jokingly said to her I don't snore right. We laughed and then a few moments later she then kinda made a cute guilty face and said "Actually you snore much noticeably less than you did a couple of months ago". This was pretty unexpected because I only thought of my own pros and cons with weight loss but it made me feel pretty good about it, as helping my partner sleep better is a great victory for me (I always fall asleep first!).

For reference I've lost about 35 pounds - 18 kgs over the last 3 months or so. I've achieved this mainly by IF - 2 days of under 600 calories a week and 5 normal days. As of a few weeks ago however I started calorie counting a most of non fasting days as I had started to develop a habit of overeating on those days and it was creating a plateau, I try to keep those days to 1800 calories or less, which for me is still according to MFP gonna lose 0.75 kgs a week if I did every day. I do however have a cheat day every Sunday for takeaway... Nachos tomorrow can't wait!

Anyway the moral of my story is you should all go and ask your partners if you snore less than before because it could make your day.

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I have to admit to something, and I need your help [TRIGGER WARNING]

Hello guys.

I just found out today I've lost 40lbs. I started at 227 pounds and I'm now 190. My goal weight is 168 and it's only about 20lbs off. This is obviously fantastic and I am really happy about it, but there is one issue.

I'm bulimic.

I've struggled with it a little bit at times in the past but the past few weeks it's become a daily thing, several times a day. I'm starting to become addicted to it, and I have to admit it's become a problem that I'm having trouble stopping. I know this because I keep telling myself I will and then I do it again. I'm addicted to the weight loss but I'm also somewhat addicted to the routine of it all.

It didn't start out like this, and I'm pissed at myself it has ended up like this. But everyone is so proud of me for losing all this weight and they congratulate me all the time and I feel like I'm doing something productive for the most part. Even though this is bad, it's still better than the depression that came with being the size I was (to me.) I want to get better from this, but I don't want to go back there.

I've come to you guys because I'm really scared. I really need support from people who understand that I want to get better but also understand that losing weight is important to me.

I took a break from restricting today and had some halloumi and garlic bread. I'm sitting here now determined not to purge it and actually let my body have a break, a sort of way of me apologising to it for what I've put it through I guess. But I'm not going to lie I am absolutely freaking about about it and I'm really panicking about putting on weight again.

I'm really sorry, I have been active on pro ana forums thinking that I would feel less alone- but I don't belong there. I want to be here with you guys actually making good progress towards a positive self.

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Zucchini Pizza Bites with Garlic Basil Yogurt Dip

When you think of a healthy snack – do you picture pizza? Because you can. These Zucchini Pizza Bites with Garlic Basil Yogurt Dip combine the delicious flavors of pizza with wholesome ingredients, like California dairy. The result is a veggie packed pizza snack! You can make these two recipes together or enjoy them on […]

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