Hello guys.
I just found out today I've lost 40lbs. I started at 227 pounds and I'm now 190. My goal weight is 168 and it's only about 20lbs off. This is obviously fantastic and I am really happy about it, but there is one issue.
I'm bulimic.
I've struggled with it a little bit at times in the past but the past few weeks it's become a daily thing, several times a day. I'm starting to become addicted to it, and I have to admit it's become a problem that I'm having trouble stopping. I know this because I keep telling myself I will and then I do it again. I'm addicted to the weight loss but I'm also somewhat addicted to the routine of it all.
It didn't start out like this, and I'm pissed at myself it has ended up like this. But everyone is so proud of me for losing all this weight and they congratulate me all the time and I feel like I'm doing something productive for the most part. Even though this is bad, it's still better than the depression that came with being the size I was (to me.) I want to get better from this, but I don't want to go back there.
I've come to you guys because I'm really scared. I really need support from people who understand that I want to get better but also understand that losing weight is important to me.
I took a break from restricting today and had some halloumi and garlic bread. I'm sitting here now determined not to purge it and actually let my body have a break, a sort of way of me apologising to it for what I've put it through I guess. But I'm not going to lie I am absolutely freaking about about it and I'm really panicking about putting on weight again.
I'm really sorry, I have been active on pro ana forums thinking that I would feel less alone- but I don't belong there. I want to be here with you guys actually making good progress towards a positive self.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/37NCHS8
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