Hey guys,
as the title suggests, I have been on and off eating healthily and sports for probably since I was 13 or so and I am so sick of it. I am so sick of promising myself not to touch any sweets starting (insert next day) because if I even nib on something I will binge 3-4k calories worth of sweets. I am sick of constantly telling everybody to please not pressure me as I am trying to lose weight, and them slowly starting to not believe me. I am sick of counting the calories perfectly for weeks to see minimal results and getting frustrated with myself and binge. I am sick of my face getting swolen and getting more self-conscience the more I gain weight.
I have never been this heavy before in my life, I always had a certain number that I would never cross even if I binged my life out but I crossed it. I lost my motivation even though all I really want in life is to be at my goal weight? It is so absurd. If I pushed through 3-4 months I would probably see amazing results but I am just so exhausted I can't make it past a week. I just want it all to stop, to never hear the word "dieting", "weight", "calories" etc ever again, to never step on a scale again, to never be sad when I even catch a glimpse of me in the mirror. I can't even buy me new clothes because I "will buy them when I reach my goal weight as I am on my weight loss rn and I don't want to waste money" or because if I desperately need clothes because my old ones got to small I get a mental breakdown at the mall. I am still relatively young so maybe this plays a part in how I feel (you know social media, mannequins in stores or how the majority of young girls are skinny in my area).
I am sorry for the long rant, I am just done with all of this and I am just "overweight" and it is "not that bad". I don't want to put down the mood as everyone makes great accomplishments that I am so proud and happy for! There was also a time in which I lost so much weight and was at my smallest, but I don't have the motivation to pull through even though I desperately need it to get my life, hell myself back. Maybe some of you can emphasize! Thank you for reading this through.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2OXY6zv
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