NOTE: This post is not just about my weight loss journey, but also my journey to improve my mental health, because that can be just as important to work on as well. Remember that is also an essential part of keeping yourself healthy, especially in these trying times.
In June of 2019, I reached a startling milestone that I never wanted to reach: I had reached a weight above 240 pounds. On June 2nd, I weighed 242.1 pounds, at 5'7". I was going through what would lead to a difficult breakup, and other stresses in life led me to use eating as a coping mechanism, going from 220 pounds in February 2019 to the highest weight I had ever been at.
One of the most chilling moments was when my father visited me, sat me down, and spilled his guts, about his fears about my weight and unhealthy lifestyle. He even said something along the lines of "I don't want to be a father who has to bury my son".
Now, my father had never been one to share his emotions, but him nearly losing his house two years ago led to major shifts in his behavior. In Fall of 2019, my father had a mental breakdown due to Post-Traumatc Stress Disorder, which resulted in a Manic-Depressive Disorder diagnosis.
Seeing what was happening with my father was a huge wakeup call, which led me to evaluate my mental health, as well as my physical health. I knew things had to change in my life, not just for me, but also to support my family.
I decided to seek out counseling and a psychiatrist. I started attempting to adjust my eating habits, but taking the antidepressants led to some very erratic behavior on my end. In addition to some very dark thoughts that I definitely do NOT miss, a couple medications I went on absolutely MURDERED my appetite, which led me to dropping to 225 pounds. However, when I went on a medication that helped, it led to me jumping back to 240. At that point, I had somewhat "resigned myself" to the thought that I was a failure, and I couldn't shake the weight off. I stopped weighing myself until January of this year.
On January 6th, I weighed myself for the first time in months, and I was at 232.1 pounds. I decided I needed to make 2020 count, so I re-downloaded MyFitnessPal for the third time, and devoted myself to making it work. I set my Caloric Limit to 1,785 Calories, which was projected to result in 2 pounds lost a week. I found it very difficult at first, because I had developed a habit of eating fast found nearly 10 times a week, with some days resulting in >3,000 calories consumed.
By mid-February, I was down ten pounds, and my appetite was adjusting nicely. I still had some struggles with my mental health, which would result in overeating, and this sense of dread and self doubt.
On March 20th, I had successfully dropped below 220 pounds, but then we were hit with the Shelter-in-Place orders in California, which led to a major crossroads... How do I handle this stressful situation? Do I stick to this plan I had made for myself, or do I retreat into myself, like I did last year?
I had quite a few difficult moments where the medication I was taking at the time resulted in more dark thoughts and erratic eating patterns, but thankfully this time I had a great support system, including my family and a friend I made in school, who had lost nearly 100 pounds (from 260 at age 14 to ~160 at age 20). He was a great "coach", encouraging me through particularly trying times, even though he was going through some very difficult struggles himself.
Another thing that actually helped a lot was me finding the right thing to help stabilize my emotions and my mood. The thing that helped was something I never thought I would have ended up using: Medical Cannabis.
I had never been one to try anything like that. I had smoked once or twice in 2015 and 2017, but I felt it was something that was simply "not for me". Add in the fact that my mother had slightly traumatic memories of her emotionally abusive stepfather smoking joints, I knew it was something that made her uncomfortable, so I stayed away from it.
My sister, on the flip side, was a huge advocate of it, and she swore that it helped her with her anxiety and focus, which was unusual for me, because I was always taught that Cannabis was the "Seth Rogan lighting up a doobie, listening to trippy music and forgetting where his car is" drug...
However, my sister somehow had talked my mother into trying some products that had CBD in them, and they resulted in my her chronic pain lessening and her mind becoming more clear and focused! So, I decided to dip my toes into this world that I knew next to nothing about.
Three weeks later, I was off all of my antidepressants, and I felt like how I remembered myself being... I felt energetic, ambitious, and OPTIMISTIC about the future, despite all of the craziness in the world. It even helped me manage my appetite, and helped me stay focused on my goals.
I still have my moments where I'll get down on myself or I have to battle my "Negative Nancy" side, but now it feels like it's something that is manageable. It's not something where I let myself get to the point of "despair".
Now that my mental health was in more of a manageable state, I was able to focus more on my weight. In addition to my diet adjustments, I also started adding exercise in. I went on bike rides, short walks, and even some minor weight training.
Another surprisingly good workout? Beat Saber on the Oculus Rift! I had four or five friends recommend it for me, so last week I bought it due to wildfires in my area preventing me from riding my bikeike or going on walks outside. After an hour of playing, I was sore for a day and a half, but I wanted to do more once I was recovered, which was a very positive sign!
Which brings us to now. Today, I stepped on the scale, and it read 200.8 pounds. I have not been this weight since November of 2013, when a bike accident led me to not be able to eat for a week, and I lost over 10 pounds in a week and a half. I am so happy to be at this point, and now I'm only about 15 pounds from the weight I was in my Freshman Year in high school!
Progress Photo - I know it's not as impressive as some of the other photos on this sub, but hey, this is my story, and I'm excited to see where it takes me!
Hopefully this story will be of some encouragement to someone who needs it! Everyone's journey is different, but remember, as long as you're progressing, you're on the right track!
