Some days it is difficult to find joy outside of food

I have lost 14lbs since January, which I am proud of and continue to remind myself that I am farther than when I started, but this past month has been a struggle.

It may be coming down on me harder right now because of my PMS, but it's difficult to find joy in activities outside of food. I have tried to take action and do things like take a walk, read, watch tiktok, draw, listen to a podcast, take a bath, put together Amazon wish lists, video games, Youtube...etc. I end up feeling more depressed. Food is much easier. I am so sick of food being this drug over me.

I am trying really hard to make sure I eat my fruit, veggies, and protein while including fun foods throughout the week, but it is still hard and weight loss is hard. These kinds of nights are so hard.

I just want to eat to feel good, but I went to my doctors and my blood pressure is slightly elevated so if I eat continue to over eat, my health will decline and eating is just going to put a bandage over my problems for a short time and I'll only feel worse afterwards. I'll probably feel better in the morning. I'm just trying to do something like write this post so I don't go into my kitchen and overeat. I live in a small apartment so I am also sitting outside on my porch to try and get my self away from the kitchen. I want to make it through this night. I know over eating tonight will not kill me, but neither will not over eating.

If anyone has figured out something they look forward to outside of food, feel free to let me know. I could use some ideas that maybe i haven't considered or seen on a top 50 things to do list via a Google search ;n;

TL;DR trying to get through this night and not over eat. my alternate activities aren't bringing me as much joy as food. PMS is probably a factor too

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How much protein actually matters?

So I've been planning what to eat for dinner, and in order to hit my goal of 135 g or protein (2 g per kg of weight), I have to basically make a shake with protein powder, greek yogurt and a bit of raspberries.

And the total still comes up to over 1600 ccal, while I wanted to stay below 1400.

So I was thinking: does eating this much protein actually matter? I workout regularly, but since gyms are still closed, my workouts are mostly running, HIIT with kettlebell, bodyweight and heavy jump ropes, and biking. I used to lift heavy back when gyms were open.

My workouts are pretty hard. I know it's a myth and everything, but unless I'm sweating buckets and my pulse is over the roof, I don't consider it a workout. I also kinda eat a lot too, so that contributes to slower weight loss. Sometimes I have binge episode.

My current goal is to be a skinny bitch.

And I want to be honest with myself. I don't care that much about fitness goals or feeling good — I'm already feeling fantastic, I'm strong and can run for a long time. It's all about vanity — I just want to be skinny.

But now, I feel like I don't really engage muscles all that much.

So question for the audience: does it really make sense to eat that much protein? Or should my priority just be less calories? Does anyone has experience of losing fat while increasing protein intake — with increased calories? Or maybe it's the opposite — cutting calories including protein calories, bumped your weight loss?

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27F/SW178/GW120 Quit bad habits cold turkey - still alive 10 days in - cheesy emotional depression talk warning

I just want to share a couple thoughts of mine, after an introduction. Forgive me if my English is weird, and forgive me because I will be EXTREMELY lengthy and cheesy- read this post like you would read the diary of a cringey 12-year-old girl.

I will talk in absolutes, but please keep in mind that all of this comes from personal experience, so please don't be offended if you don't agree with me. Everyone is different and I just hope that someone can relate. If you don't, that's okay, and I'm open to any opinion.

I'm an Italian 27-year-old woman. I've been overweight since I was 13, but my weight fluctuated a lot - from 135 (which actually looked good, even if I'm 5'1), to a scary 190 lbs during the first COVID lockdown. Now I weigh a mediocre 180lbs, BMR calculators say I'm moderately obese. Many times I went on a weight loss journey, many times I failed and sometimes I won, only to keep the weight down for not more than a couple years. Starting this month, after seeing some really ugly birthday pictures of mine, on a particular birthday that was very important to me, I decided to go on this journey for the last time in my life.

​

The reason this birthday was so important to me, is because I finally healed from depression. After 10 years of professional therapy, and hard, exhausting work on myself and on personal goals. Of course "healing" is not something that happened overnight. You do small steps, one by one. Then you realize you start feeling things you could only remember from your childhood, happy and sad things. You start seeing colors. You start feeling love. You stop being destructive when bad things happen. You realize you're tired to punish yourself for your mistakes, and that it's useless, childish, destructive. Then you finally pass a university exam, fall in love with a healthy person, start making music or finish a beautiful painting, or you have a beautiful dream. ... and then you realize you're just living with no impediments, that you're having healthy thoughts, that you feel every emotion you should feel, be it positive or not.After all these years I can say for sure that being overweight is linked to depression, but it's the latter that causes the first, and not vice versa, something I hear and read almost everywhere.

​

Surely, being overweight is very bad for your mood and social experience, but saying that being "fat" is a reason to be "depressed", after all this work on myself, is very very wrong and harmful, a criminal statement if you ask me - since many vulnerable people are subject to it. I was mentally ill because, during my childhood, I wasn't cared for properly, and the adults in charge couldn't have a healthy, supportive relationship with me, during my most vulnerable years. That's it. That's why I couldn't eat in a proper way, that's why I found comfort in bingeing, that's why a healthy, feminine body image wasn't something bearable to my weak mind, and bottom line, something I was so afraid of. Many times I blamed my failures on my weight, and many times, when I wasn't fat, I bragged and felt that my successes were based on my good looking body- a very, very sick mindset. I am one of those people that can hands-down guarantee that if my therapist wasn't there, I would probably be dead.

So going back to simpler stuff. Now that I felt various definite signs that my mental illness is over, and hardships are just hardships, my weight is not something that scary anymore. It's something I've been packing on myself for years, and that I can overcome without being tragic about it. My birthday pictures are horrible and I look fat compared to my friends- so what? That's just fat. That stuff doesn't define your worth, guys.

I realized this is the last step I have to take to get rid of my "old" life. After a couple days of just getting comfortable with tracking my calories, I made a simple diet plan and decided I would follow it the following day. Then I started following it. After 10 days, the weight is definitely falling off. No hunger, no cravings, no wish to binge. (I only miss the idea of eating gelato with my friends lol.). No comparing myself to Instagram models, no wishing I could do this in 10 days instead of 365. After beating depression, everything is just a silly, fun, challenge. I discovered Vinyasa yoga, I'm feeling all of its day-to-day benefits, and I'm loving my body - not just its chance to "look fuckable", but the way I can walk, run, eat...

​

​

So, other than just expressing how I feel, I just want to tell the people who can relate to the depression part- if you struggle with weight, if you binge eat and hate yourself for it, don't try to ignore the fact that your problem is not your body, but something deeper that was just hurt and needs to be cared for. Your external image will follow your internal image just once you are ready to approach what probably is one of your most insignificant issues. If you start a diet or a workout plan based on hatred and shame, it will never work, just add up to something bigger.

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Starting out as a mess. Hello!

A little less than a year ago, I peaked at 356 lbs. I had just had an episode of psychosis and had bad inflammation and my feet were practically double their size... which for some reason happens to me during psychosis in the past 5 years or so? (I have bipolar.)

The next doctor visit I was 342. My weight had been around 340 give or take 4 pounds through the beginning of this year. After my most recent doctor visit in January, I hadn’t weighed myself. I really just didn’t care. I didn’t take my metformin. I ordered doordash almost everyday. Depression. Complete and utter “I do not care about myself” depression.

For some background: I’m 5’6.5”. I’ve always been on the heavy side but had two good rounds of losing weight. First at 21-22 I went from 196 to 170 (plateued at 170). Then at 26ish I went from 242 to 205. So I know how to lose weight. But every time I have a psychotic manic episode my meds get jacked up and I gain a lot of weight very fast. One day I can run 3-5 miles straight and then after two months, I can barely walk a mile. I pretty much gave up in 2016.... Some bouts of exercise here and there but in the past year or two, close to nothing.

Also I have polycystic ovarian syndrome working against me in addition to all the psych meds with weight gain as side effect- seroquel, lithium, lamictal, sleep medications.....

Last week Sunday, I snapped out of my depression- at least the really deep stuff. I came up with an idea for a project that I can do long term that I would enjoy and could potentially lead to making some money. The next morning I tested my blood sugar for the first time in months and it was 370. Yeah, I decided to start right then and there, starting with cleaning my absolute mess of an apartment, taking my metformin and going to a big target for workout clothes, healthier food, and 2000+ steps for the day lol...

And although I could probably push myself to walk 2-3 miles, 1.5 miles is uncomfortable. On Tuesday, I weighed 330 lbs and was confused. I googled high blood sugar and saw one of the side effects is weight loss due to muscle atrophy. Yikes! So I might have lost as much as 8-10 lbs of muscle.

I’ve walked my little 1.5 miles 5 out of 7 days this past week. I just realized my apartment building’s brand spankin new gym is open and it is a NICE gym. (I went for the first time last night.. it opened right before COVID and had to almost immediately shut down.)

I am cutting my sugar as much as possible. I have a little stash of sugar free candy and have a piece if I have a craving. I’m gradually replacing my dairy products with plant-based stuff. I signed up for a keto dinner mea delivery thing. I’m not doing full keto, but I don’t like cooking and grocery store frozen dinners usually have pasta or rice and low carb works best for PCOS.

This morning my blood sugar was 209 and weight was 327.

My biggest fear is loose skin. I got every supplement under the sun, body exfloiating stuff, and creams.

Hold me accountable? I’ll check in at 300 lbs.

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I’ve lost 6 lbs in two weeks but I see no difference, help!?

Lost 6 lbs in two weeks no difference!?

Hi I am a 20 year old woman and I’m on a weight loss journey, at the start I weighed 9 st 6 lbs and now I weight 8 st 12, I am aiming for 8 st 6.

However I do not notice a difference at all in my body even though I have lost 6 lbs so far, I have worked out how many cals I need to eat to lose weight (1300) and have been eating either that amount or less daily.

I am 5 ft 6 and have been trying to lose this weight just through diet, Have been doing little exercise such as daily walks for an hour but that’s about it, most of my weight is in my legs and bum so I’m aiming to lose that, I just thought after losing 6lbs I would notice Atleast a small difference but I haven’t.

How long will it be since I notice a big difference or will I not notice any at all losing a stone? I have read a lot about water weight so could it be that? Thanks.

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NSV: I took "before" pictures.

I've already been through this and thought it was the last/only time.

I'm deeply ashamed that I've put on 60lbs.

Last time, I was a fucking mess. I went from >300lbs to 197lbs in under a year. I was overly restrictive a lot of the time because I became addicted to the weight loss on the scale - when you feel like shit for being fat your entire life, seeing in that number that a better future is possible gives you a sense of euphoria - or at least for me.

I did not understand nutrition. Also didn't understand the real risks in being overly restrictive. My goal was to get skinny so I could find someone to have sex with. Not a bad goal but not my goal now.

I maintained for a couple years, but I gained weight because I was depressed. In 2020 I was stuck inside, in a very bad dead bedroom relationship, miserable at working from home. I'm leaving the apartment, dumped the boyfriend, and am back in my office with the gym downstairs - which has helped me a lot. Still not 100% but getting there.

What I want is to be healthy. I couldn't give a shit if anyone wants to have sex with me. Four months ago I took my father to the ER with heart failure. He's obese, abuses alcohol, and uses tobacco. Same age his father had a heart attack and died. If I can't stop fucking around I'm looking at another 30 years alive if I'm lucky, because I know where this leads and have seen it.

I've decided to eat at a realistic deficit for someone who is a 6'4" man. I eat vegetarian because it makes me happy, the last few days I've eaten good, balanced meals and taken my vitamins. Starting in a couple hours, I am going to run for no more than an hour each day - only because it makes me happy and is great cardio, I'm not going to use it to try and burn extra. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to gradually work back to my 5x/wk weight lifting routine and try to keep consistent with that. The first week of July, I'm going to see a therapist to discuss my depressive year and get some help.

I'm not a big drinker, but have decide to make the commitment not to drink alcohol because it was a factor in familial health issues.

I took my before pic today. Even in the mirror I see myself in every day, the picture just looks terrible. But I'm proud, I've been dreading this. It's good to look at myself this way, feels like less bullshit.

On May 31, 2022 I will take an "after" picture. I am also fulfilling a childhood dream of joining the Navy on that date, since I'll be within the weight standards to do so.

I no longer feel like I'm trapped in a daze or don't have control over my life. I feel empowered and happy, I'm making the right changes.

I just wanted to tell someone. You all are awesome, and we are all going to achieve what we want if we put in the time and effort!

Also lost 1lb the last few days where I've made changes. Off to steam some veggies...

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I need help

7 years ago before my pregnancy I frequented this subreddit and lost 80lbs. I was at my absolute smallest since high school. I used MFP and went to the gym 6 days a week.

Ever since pregnancy I’ve been overweight. I would try every diet and exercise regime out there and nothing would stick. I’ve been to therapy and I’m slowly starting to feel some self worth.

But this pandemic..... this fucking province (Ontario)..... being locked in for what feels like a year and a half... having to teach my son because the schools are closed. I can’t seem to find any reason to lose the weight I so desperately need to lose. I am the heaviest I’ve ever been. Drinking 3 nights a week minimum. Eating cheap carbs to save money since I’m not working as much (the price of fruits and veggies here are insane with a pack of lettuce at $7). I’m so sore probably from being overweight and too depressed to do anything about it.

My husband and I have a Weight machine and a bike and I just don’t use it. We’ve tried walks but our 4 year old likes to stop and smell the flowers every 3 steps lol.

Can someone offer some sort of advice to help me get started? I am at a loss and in desperate need of weight loss. Please :( I want to feel good again.

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