I've already been through this and thought it was the last/only time.
I'm deeply ashamed that I've put on 60lbs.
Last time, I was a fucking mess. I went from >300lbs to 197lbs in under a year. I was overly restrictive a lot of the time because I became addicted to the weight loss on the scale - when you feel like shit for being fat your entire life, seeing in that number that a better future is possible gives you a sense of euphoria - or at least for me.
I did not understand nutrition. Also didn't understand the real risks in being overly restrictive. My goal was to get skinny so I could find someone to have sex with. Not a bad goal but not my goal now.
I maintained for a couple years, but I gained weight because I was depressed. In 2020 I was stuck inside, in a very bad dead bedroom relationship, miserable at working from home. I'm leaving the apartment, dumped the boyfriend, and am back in my office with the gym downstairs - which has helped me a lot. Still not 100% but getting there.
What I want is to be healthy. I couldn't give a shit if anyone wants to have sex with me. Four months ago I took my father to the ER with heart failure. He's obese, abuses alcohol, and uses tobacco. Same age his father had a heart attack and died. If I can't stop fucking around I'm looking at another 30 years alive if I'm lucky, because I know where this leads and have seen it.
I've decided to eat at a realistic deficit for someone who is a 6'4" man. I eat vegetarian because it makes me happy, the last few days I've eaten good, balanced meals and taken my vitamins. Starting in a couple hours, I am going to run for no more than an hour each day - only because it makes me happy and is great cardio, I'm not going to use it to try and burn extra. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to gradually work back to my 5x/wk weight lifting routine and try to keep consistent with that. The first week of July, I'm going to see a therapist to discuss my depressive year and get some help.
I'm not a big drinker, but have decide to make the commitment not to drink alcohol because it was a factor in familial health issues.
I took my before pic today. Even in the mirror I see myself in every day, the picture just looks terrible. But I'm proud, I've been dreading this. It's good to look at myself this way, feels like less bullshit.
On May 31, 2022 I will take an "after" picture. I am also fulfilling a childhood dream of joining the Navy on that date, since I'll be within the weight standards to do so.
I no longer feel like I'm trapped in a daze or don't have control over my life. I feel empowered and happy, I'm making the right changes.
I just wanted to tell someone. You all are awesome, and we are all going to achieve what we want if we put in the time and effort!
Also lost 1lb the last few days where I've made changes. Off to steam some veggies...
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/34we0Jy
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