People’s attitudes towards food and me.

I think I need to vent a bit and I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced the same thing.

At my heaviest, when I would visit friends and families homes I noticed that I would be offered no food or asked if I was hungry if I was there for a considerable portion of the day. That was fine. I never expected it.

Now I’m 45lbs into my weight loss journey, omg everyone wants to put food in my mouth. ‘Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?’ No. No I don’t. I have much more control over what I choose to put in my face and my calorie-counted meals are already pre-planned.

It really gets on my nerves how now I’m getting myself together, people seem to want to test or sabotage me. I say no to most things I haven’t planned for, but people want to feed me now? You could have fed me when I was fatter! And hungrier! Not when I’m doing well in getting rid of the extra flabbage!

Anyway, rant over. Phew.

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I’m down 29 pounds and one pound away from being 30 pounds lighter than when my mom saw me last

Which is important because I need her to see my progress. Not only because she’ll be happy for me, but also because maybe she’ll start to see me as someone who she can learn from in this regard. I see her on Monday, and I will more than likely have lost a solid 30 pounds or slightly more since I got serious three months ago. She goes back and forth about if she needs to lose weight but she acknowledges her lifestyle is too sedentary.

I hope my success will inspire her to change. I think it already is - she joined a club today that has a pool and nice shady tiki huts so she’ll have somewhere to go and get out of the house and do something fun and physical. Anyway, I have a way to go on this weight loss marathon, but I’m so happy my positive changes are causing my loved ones to start to make their own.

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Keep MY food and MY body out of YOUR MOUTH

Background: lost 60lb in 2018-2019. Regained 50lb back from 2020-current year. I am 5'7. Steadily working to bring it down again. Also, some people like hearing comments about their body, food, etc. Their opinion is valid but mine is as well too.

From being a smaller weight and bigger weight ive now experienced "both sides" of people giving unsolicited comments about my food or my body. Thoughts they can keep to themelsves but feel like they have the right to say it to me. Here are a few examples:

Me eating a bowl of edamames - "Youre eating all of those? That cant be healthy." (At 210lbs)

Me eating 2 McDonalds hamburgers & fries "Wow youre eating that? And all of it too. Its nice you can just eat anything you want." (At 160lbs)

Me eating fried rice & mongolian beef +green beans. "Yeah I was going to grab that Mongolian Beef too, but I seen how much sauce its on and seen how unhealthy it is so I got something else." (At 215lbs)

Me eating a salad " So thats all youre going to eat? Why dont you eat some real food?" (At 180lbs)

Plus a thousand variations of im eating too little or too much depending on whatever shape I am at the time.

Not to mention when i was smaller, comments like I must be sick or have an eating disorder. My family yelling at me to eat more. Saying im loosing too much weight. When im bigger, comments about me being greedy, eating too much, taking up too much space etc.. ive learned i HATE when people talk about my body now. I love my body though ❤ I gained a lot of self-confidence from my weight loss journey before so I really love myself at this weight and at the smaller. But ive learned my boundary is people dont get to talk about my body or my food. I am not interested on their opinions on it.

I usually say one of these lines, depending on the context, the tone of the speaker, my relationship with them and how pushy or innocent they may be.

"Please dont comment about my body / my food." "My body is not up for discussion." " I dont want to make my body the subject of attention, lets talk about what you did this weekend (or equivalent)

For pushy or severe situations: "Your opinions about my food/ body is none of my business." "Keep my food/ body out of your mouth."

What similar expressions do you use? Please share any comments that also irk you and what you reply to shut the conversation down.

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If you feel frustrated with yourself because you feel unable to stick to a diet, please read this post.

I have also never been able to stick to a diet.

In 2018, I weighed 315lbs and I was an active alcoholic. As of today, I weigh 189lbs and I am ~19 months sober. That’s 126lbs of weight lost so far. I’m very happy with my progress so far - my goal is to eventually reach 140lbs as this is a healthy weight range for my height.

Again - let me reiterate - I have never been able to stick to a diet. I am an alcoholic and an emotional eater, and although I’ve put an immense amount of work into my recovery, I could still be described as being both of these things. I think I always will be!

It might seem really stupid for me say I’ve lost 126lbs and that I have always failed at diets - let me explain, I have been dieting for years. I have been trying to do CICO - and on a lot of days, I’ve been successful. There have been a few weeks at a time where I have managed to eat 1200 calories and go to the gym. There have been some days where I have listened to my hunger cues, I haven’t tracked my food, and I’ve eaten less than maintenance. I’ve cut out a LOT of alcohol calories for over 1.5 years now (and alcohol made me hungry and impulsive, so, this is probably the biggest factor.)

But, like… when I see all these people post their successes on this subreddit, I don’t relate to them. I’ve still been binge-eating this entire time. I do it less often, but it’s still inevitable. And I think it’s inevitable because when I work CICO I feel compelled to remove food groups which I can’t fit in. And when I do fit them in, they’re sad, low-calorie alternatives. They are unsatisfying.

Losing weight does not result in our relationship with food being fixed. Arguably, mine is worse than its ever been, because when I binge-eat now I am consistently in fear of ‘gaining it all back’. Gaining back is a real possibility - an uncomfortable truth - which I feel is ignored in this subreddit.

I do still binge eat. I hide food. I’m afraid of judgement from my boyfriend when I eat high-calorie foods near him. I’m concerned that he will think I’m no longer committed to weight loss. I’m still trying, still having good days, but then I have bad days, and I binge-eat myself to almost maintenance. I started the year at 194lbs and now I’m 189.6lbs. I feel like I should be back in the two-hundreds, to be completely honest.

I think I need to stop focusing on weight loss and begin focusing on fixing my relationship with food. I love preparing healthy and delicious meals, and I hate feeling afraid of eating them. I feel so powerless when I can’t stop myself from preparing and eating an entire frozen pizza and dessert in one sitting (~1500, probably, my goal for the day) and I feel sick and disgusting afterwards. It’s a binge-restrict cycle. It’s disordered eating. And it’s still here, 126lbs later. Even after all this loss, I still have never successfully succeeded at a ‘diet’. The only things which helped me were small and sustainable changes (sobriety, more veggies, a gym membership).

If you feel the same way, please check out the YouTuber Adam Wright Fitness. I have been watching all of his videos. They really speak to me - at first I was skeptical, but I think if I’d started following his advice a long time ago, I would have been able to improve my feelings and experiences with food an immeasurable amount. After all, it’s not really about the number on the scale, right? It’s about feeling happy and healthy in my body.

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realistic deficit to avoid binging ?

hello,

will do a quick summary of my history in hopes i can get some advice for people who are knowledgeable on healthy dieting.

i was a healthy weight my whole life then developed anorexia. i restricted heavily and reached bmi 14. i eventually got help but instead of nourishing my body i binged my way back up to a healthy weight. so i am proof starving yourself doesn’t work because your body gets fed up eventually and will send signals to your brain to eat, becomes obsessed with food.

i overshot my weight and started to purge, but i now don’t engage in eating disorder behaviours after therapy and i want to lose a couple of pounds HEALTHILY.

what is a realistic deficit where i won’t binge ? i was thinking 100-200 deficit, i would be happy with slow weight loss.

any advice would be appreciated :)

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Softer fat = weight loss ?

I actually have two questions, but I’ll start with asking, does fat get noticeably softer as you lose weight ? I’ve noticed that, in the past couple months, basically all of my fat, especially stomach area, is very very jiggly. Almost like a liquid more than a solid mass. It was not always like that. I like to think I’ve slimmed down noticeably however I struggle with pretty bad body dysmorphia, but that’s a different topic. I’ve noticed basically everywhere feels a lot softer and more jiggly than it did months and months ago. Thighs, back, underarms. This is hopefully a good thing, right? Does it mean I’m on the right track? So far that’s kind of what I’ve been hearing but I guess I just wanna make sure.

My second, slightly unrelated question is, at what point do your arms usually tend to slim up? Most of my workout routine is a lot of lifting. I’ll have been lifting for a year starting next month. I feel like my arms still look pretty fatty though? Like I said, the fat that is there is a bit jiggly but I feel like it’s more fatty than muscle. It’s kind of ugly when my arms are at my side, because that’s kind of squishing the fat around my triceps and making them look larger (not in a muscle way). I feel like my arms should be a little more toned by now but maybe not..? Granted I’ve put on a decent amount of muscle (though not very noticeable) so maybe that’s a reason they don’t seem very slim, but I just feel like they should be a bit more defined at this point considering I’ve lost a (hopefully) decent amount of weight lately. Of course I keep up with my protein as best as possible but still

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When did you start noticing changes?

I've been two weeks into calorie counting again after quite a few years, and while I'm in the groove of it again I'm starting to get a little fatigued. I know the hard work will pay off but I'm just so curious how I'll feel when I hit my goal weight. I'd love to know, especially for girls who are also 5'4", when you finally started noticing weight loss changes both physically and mentally.

Also, side question, I've been eating 1400cal and walking like 13k steps on average everyday. Should I be doing more? I do wonder if I should push myself more, just trying to find a balance between eating enough and not feeling too exhausted.

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