Casual dating after weight loss and loose skin: experiences/advice?

I’ve (35F) seen similar posts on this forum, but not exactly what I’m looking for. Apologies if I missed something.

Essentially, I had WLS and lost over 100 pounds. I’m still losing. I wear a size 8 now. With my clothes on, I’m considered conventionally attractive and get a lot of attention and interest from men. Under my clothes is a different story, as many of you can relate to. I have sagging skin on my upper arms, my breasts sag, my upper inner thighs have lots of loose skin, and the worst is my lower abdomen hang. It’s hard to define the extent of this without being able to share photos, but I don’t think any of my problem areas are tooooo terrible, aside from my abdomen. And it’s hard to say how bad that is, other than it’s 100% noticeable but it doesn’t hang low enough to cover my pubic area. If I lean forward it’s really noticeable, my abdomen and breasts hang quite a bit, and my abdomen skin folds into itself. Not a body someone would likely expect based on my clothed appearance and age.

I am not trying to find a partner right now, I want to casually date. Here’s the thing:

I do NOT want to “warn” dates about my body before they see me naked. I’m trying to love and accept myself and get to a point where I can feel sexy as I am, until I can get skin removal surgery someday. I’m not there yet, but I have no desire to be vulnerable by sharing this with people I date casually. The casual dating is an important mention because I would consider a different approach if I was looking for a long term partner. I also find it unattractive to project a lack of confidence and my body insecurities. Lastly, my health and weight loss is personal to me and private and I don’t want to share that with someone just because we might have sex. So basically I plan to fake it til I make it.

I recognize I’m making a choice here that people I date could be super into me and excited, then see me naked and decide boner killer and ghost me or say something unkind to my face. That would suck, but I accept it—not everyone will like what they see.

The part I’m struggling with is feeling like a catfish. Like men are going to be angry at me and feel I intentionally deceived them. Someone told me my body was “flawless” when they couldn’t even see most of it, and accepting that compliment felt like the biggest lie. Like I let them believe that was true. But I’m not about to go “oh no no I’m actually a big flawed mess,” either.

I guess it comes down to two main questions:

1) Does anyone think I owe it to potential dates to disclose my weight loss and unexpected body appearance before we get naked together? Why, if so?

2) For those in a similar boat who didn’t tell, how did it go for you? Would love to know the good and bad realities.

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A very sporadic journey with my weight, but I feel pretty darn good about it.

Hey, everyone! I started this journey about 2 years ago. I'm 5'4" and now 26 years old. I weighed in at about 212lbs (frickin' yikes for a short guy) and drank liquor and sad ate pizzas like it was my job. The weight loss was all done through keto/fasting and some moderate cardio. My weight gain is all (clean) bulking and weight training now. :)

https://imgur.com/gallery/BW97Tn5

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After 3 long years, I met my goal weight. I've lost 112 pounds.

It feels surreal. It was just about 3 years ago that I needed to wear a suit and none of my old ones fit. Combined with other things I was going through then, that was the catalyst for me to decide it was time to buckle down and start losing some weight. I weighed 282 pounds then, and I wanted to get to 170 pounds, which was just about the edge of a healthy BMI for me.

Now, after lifestyle changes, counting my calories, and many, many, hard days I've done it. I'm at 170 pounds.

The bulk of my weight loss was within the first two years. I must've lost something like 100~ pounds at that time. Since I don't exercise and I was unwilling to make further lifestyle changes to my diet, I've spent the past year losing those pesky last dozen pounds.

Now that I'm here I don't know what to feel. I'm overcome with a strange feeling in my chest. I can't believe I've finally done it.

So, to everyone struggling out there - it's possible! It may take longer than you'd like, it'll be hard, but it can be done! I wish you all good luck and praise for your hard work!

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Fell off the wagon, trying to climb back on

https://imgur.com/a/RF1D9Ye

SW:289, CW:166, GW:130’s. This post is hard to post. I was succeeding in my weight loss journey, getting down to 148lbs (middle picture) and then life knocked me down. I got sick, fell into a bad place, developed an unhealthy drinking habit and all but ruined everything I had worked for. It took way longer than it should have, but I finally climbed out of the hole and this has been my first week back in the gym daily, sober, and back to 1200-1400 calories daily. I guess I am posting for anyone else in a hard place right now, your comeback is waiting for you. Also, I am selfishly posting for support please, I’ll take all the help and motivation I can get!

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Doctor gave questionable advice

So today I went to my doctor and she gave me some questionable advice…a month ago I got some bloodwork done and it turns out my cholesterol is high and my liver enzymes too. I’ve been struggling with my weight my whole life and that’s definitely the root of my issues. Between the bloodwork and the appointment today I actually lost some weight by just reprograming my diet a bit, nothing extreme tho…but the advice she gave me…it’s a bit worrying….she told me to pick up keto, to do a rigorous workout routine, not eat or drink anything “bad” basically for the rest of my life and to basically lose like 60lbs in like 3 months…she told me that she doesn’t agree with specialists that think this is to fast, which I personally believe it is. I asked her what about the excess skin, cuz that’s rapid weight loss without giving the body the time to adjust…she told me “oh just get a surgery to remove skin, I’ve done it myself too” like it’s no big deal at all. That honestly scared me a bit cuz I want to avoid something like this. I weigh around around 250 lbs and my goal would be to lose 50lbs in like a year so that my skin and body can adjust naturally. Can someone give me some advice if she actually has a point or is she being completely unreasonable?

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To Those Who Tried and Failed Several Times Before Finally Losing the Weight - What Clicked for YOU to Finally LoseIt?

A question to hopefully spark some discussion.

​

I ask because I have gained and lost the same 10-15lbs for years, but this time it seems different - like a complete 180 degree turn different.

I am able to straight up tell my family members that I need my 30-45 minutes to work out if they stay over for a day or two - something I was too damn embarrassed to even bring up before so I would just skip those days. *Click\*

I am allowing myself to throw away uneaten junk that my family or S/O have in stock without a twinge of a second thought, where as before I would have always tried to eat them within a day or two so 1. They wouldn't go to waste. and 2. So I only wrecked my calorie deficits for 1-2 days instead of spreading it out over a longer period of time.... The only problem with that 'strategy' or lack thereof is that once that mentality started, it almost always spiraled into abandoning the weight loss ship entirely yet again. \Click**

Weigh ins for me are only once a week now instead of every day like my previous attempts. Obsessively checking the scale every single day (sometimes multiple times a day) was just a recipe for failure. 3 or 4 days in a row of seeing a number stay stagnant or go up was enough to deflate any motivation I had, resulting in calorie counting becoming slack, exercise dwindling, you all know the drill. \Click* *Click* *Click**

Additionally, I have found a way to keep exercise enjoyable. After a corrective eye surgery earlier this year, I am able to read books during a steady-state cardio biking routine, making it something I actually look forward to instead of something I have to do. I am more diligently measuring out food and overestimating calorie content so I can ensure that I am eating at a deficit, so the calories lost from cardio are just an added bonus. Also starting out some calisthenics activities, as I have always been on the clumsy side and working in a profession where I am playing with kiddos all day, I have a desire to improve my balance and body control to something a little more graceful than the level of a newborn giraffe. \Click**

And finally, I found you, kind people of reddit. Returning to this sub to read stories of success, failure, and everything in between helps to keep the motivation levels at an all time high. Many pounds lost. Many more to go. This is the longest I have lasted, and there are no signs of me slowing down this time.

These all finally clicked for me. So I ask you, beautiful strangers of reddit - what clicked for you?

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Being "skinny-fat" is giving me horrible body dysphoria - what can I do?

I've [M25] been going to the gym 5 times a week for an hour since August 2021, I have noticed considerable weight loss and a more defined upper chest, slimmer face, but my stomach just has not followed suit and it just looks horrendously deformed.

I have a weird type of chest where, just under my breasts, it curves in really thin, but then "rolls" out around the belly and makes it look like a hour glass figure.

Not a pic of me, but a pic for reference of category #2, but somehow even bigger than that.

The fat then curves in again around the waist and my legs are slim and tight.

Everytime I look at myself in the mirror I just do not see the progress. All I see is a disgusting muffin top that just will not go away no matter what I do. and it just makes me feel like I have made absolutely zero progress. Like all my time is wasted for nothing. I feel like a fat disgusting slob and it gives me anxiety of turning out obese. I really hate my body so much, I hate looking at myself shirtless or naked and I actively avoid it now to stop me feeling like this.

I do weight lifting, I do cardio, I do crunches, I do a variety of exercises for my body that effects all areas. The classes I attend at the gym are varied like this too, one day it might be chest based, next is weight, next is cycling and so on.

My diet is mostly healthy, every day I ensure to have a lunch that is a sandwich of tuna/pilchards with lettuce, cucumber, onions, gherkins and jalepenos w/ vinegar & black and white pepper. I usually have fruit that's a banana, apple, mangoes or small tub of blueberries to go alongside it. I only ever drink milk and water (ex weekends).

On Saturdays I do loosen the food a bit and may let myself have a chocolate bar and maybe a pizza/burger but that's Saturday only. Sunday it's back to eating a mostly vegetable / fruit based diet. Ex drinks for this, I will let myself have something other than milk/water on Sat/Sun.

I'm just not sure what I'm doing wrong, I really really want this disgusting deformity gone. Do I need liposuction or some meds?? Do I need to make this diet a 7 day thing? Or cut down on calories even more?

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