I’ve (35F) seen similar posts on this forum, but not exactly what I’m looking for. Apologies if I missed something.
Essentially, I had WLS and lost over 100 pounds. I’m still losing. I wear a size 8 now. With my clothes on, I’m considered conventionally attractive and get a lot of attention and interest from men. Under my clothes is a different story, as many of you can relate to. I have sagging skin on my upper arms, my breasts sag, my upper inner thighs have lots of loose skin, and the worst is my lower abdomen hang. It’s hard to define the extent of this without being able to share photos, but I don’t think any of my problem areas are tooooo terrible, aside from my abdomen. And it’s hard to say how bad that is, other than it’s 100% noticeable but it doesn’t hang low enough to cover my pubic area. If I lean forward it’s really noticeable, my abdomen and breasts hang quite a bit, and my abdomen skin folds into itself. Not a body someone would likely expect based on my clothed appearance and age.
I am not trying to find a partner right now, I want to casually date. Here’s the thing:
I do NOT want to “warn” dates about my body before they see me naked. I’m trying to love and accept myself and get to a point where I can feel sexy as I am, until I can get skin removal surgery someday. I’m not there yet, but I have no desire to be vulnerable by sharing this with people I date casually. The casual dating is an important mention because I would consider a different approach if I was looking for a long term partner. I also find it unattractive to project a lack of confidence and my body insecurities. Lastly, my health and weight loss is personal to me and private and I don’t want to share that with someone just because we might have sex. So basically I plan to fake it til I make it.
I recognize I’m making a choice here that people I date could be super into me and excited, then see me naked and decide boner killer and ghost me or say something unkind to my face. That would suck, but I accept it—not everyone will like what they see.
The part I’m struggling with is feeling like a catfish. Like men are going to be angry at me and feel I intentionally deceived them. Someone told me my body was “flawless” when they couldn’t even see most of it, and accepting that compliment felt like the biggest lie. Like I let them believe that was true. But I’m not about to go “oh no no I’m actually a big flawed mess,” either.
I guess it comes down to two main questions:
1) Does anyone think I owe it to potential dates to disclose my weight loss and unexpected body appearance before we get naked together? Why, if so?
2) For those in a similar boat who didn’t tell, how did it go for you? Would love to know the good and bad realities.
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