26F, 5’4”
Hi everyone, first post here! I’ve been having some difficulty losing weight over the years… if anything, I gained weight when I was most stressed about it!
Leaving HS, I was barely 120lbs. I was the tiniest little thing, and I could do a ton of sports/hiking/etc. Boy did I take that for granted. Never had body issues until I began stress eating my Junior year of college. I had gained about 30 lbs by then, which in hindsight wasn’t a huge deal considering my starting weight, but I began getting self conscious, especially when my bf at the time noticed and “got worried” for me 🙄 (I think it’s silly personally, because I gained that weight over a 3 year period and 150lbs is hardly something to cry over imo. He started dating me at 135lbs but whatever). ANYWAYS, I started getting a bit self concious after that, but I wasn’t too down about it. At least, not until later.
I lost ~10 lbs going into my 5th year of college due to being sick, so I was at 140-145lbs. I was seeing a guy that I dated way back when I was 120lbs. Eventually he decided to leave me for another girl who was very skinny like I used to be. To me, that made me think I wasn’t his “type” because I wasn’t super tiny anymore like I used to be. Oh yea, reaaal healthy mindset, I know.
Anyways, I tried to lose weight all the time. My weight fluctuated a lot, but I never got lower than 145lbs ever again. Graduating college I was 165lbs. Went up to 180lbs early 2019, then down to 165lbs until the end of 2020. However, my mental health was so so much worse at this point. I HATED my body, I felt like I was failing all the time. I know I’m echoing others, but CICO and using myFitnessPal was a death sentence for my mental health. If I went over by 100 calories for my daily limit I would cry and feel like I failed that day. Obviously, going into 2020, you probably can guess what happened next.
COVID hit, and I had a new BF at the time. We couldnt go anywhere, we were bored out of our minds, and his living situation was pretty crappy (I lived with my parents still due to struggling to find employment after being let go in March, so we mostly spent time at his place). We were still going to parties here and there right before COVID, so when it actually took over we were starving for social interaction and fun. We began drinking a TON. It got pretty bad, I didn’t realize how bad it was until I cut back 90% of it over a 3 week period that I’ve continued to maintain. I wouldn’t say I used it as an emotional crutch per se, it was mostly out of boredom. Still pretty unhealthy though. Summer of 2021 I hit my maximum weight: 221lbs. 100lbs gained in 8 years. It bothered me quite a bit, but I lacked motivation in trying to lose it. It wasn’t until I saw photos of me at my sisters wedding that I decided I need to change. I was a bridesmaid and for the first time I saw what I ACTUALLY looked like, instead of the weird distorted image I see in the mirror. Not only was I unhealthy physically, but I HATED how I looked. I know people say to love your body regardless of weight and stuff, and if you see yourself at 221 lbs and think “hey! I look great!” that is 100% ok, no question. I don’t find myself judging anyone for their appearance, and if I do I try my best to remove that type of thinking. But looking at MYSELF, I didn’t like it. MY preference for MY body is to be at a lower weight.
Eventually I talked to a doctor who prescribed a very low dose of Phentermine to aid in appetite suppression for the beginning of my weight loss journey. That, in combination with giving up drinking completely (not due to addiction, I just genuinely don’t enjoy drinking anymore weirdly), i went from 218lbs beginning of Nov 2021 to 188lbs a few days ago.
I post this now because yesterday during Easter my siblings mentioned my pants were way too big for me (size 16). I thought they fit fine since they weren’t falling down or anything, and I’ve been wearing them for a year at this point. This morning going into work for the first time at my new job, I tried on my old pair of jeans, size 14. Not only do they fit, but they’re a little loose too! Honestly I can’t believe it. I never noticed a difference looking in the mirror, but apparently the scale does not lie.
My goal weight for now is 135lbs, so I’ve still got a ways to go. I’m noticing loose skin on my stomach already, which sorta sucks. But I know for me it’s better to have loose skin than remain ~220 lbs.
I’m hoping to eventually incorporate exercise into my life, but for now I have to remain focused on other life issues (job, home, finances) before I take on that beast 😂 but someday.
Just pumped all this progress is finally showing, wish me luck! :)
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