34F (1.65 cm/ 5'4") here. I started this whole affair of weight loss seriously last week. I started at 67.7 kg (149 lbs) and even though I began walking and biking (my back and my knees hurt a lot lately) and tracking my calories (as best I could, but try to weigh in everything whenever possible) I am currently sitting at 67.3 kg (148 lbs).
I'll be turning 35 next month, and I wanted to lose at least 2 - 3 kilos by then. But the damn scale won't move down. I know I didn't gain this in a day so it's stupid to want to lose it in a day. But 2 weeks in and just 400 grams later I feel slightly angry that for how I feel it wasn't at least a little bit more.
I feel so ugly and unattractive. I try to hide how I try to starve as much as possible so that my husband won't notice me trying and failing once again. Now he's trying to gain weight, he has the same difficulty gaining it as I have losing it. I feel so envious, but cannot and will not take it out on him. It's not his fault.
I have dealt with anxiety my whole life and I will eat when bored, sad, upset, anxious, etc... I just overall hate myself.
Sorry about the rant. It's just that I keep gaining and gaining and gaining without stopping. Slowly but surely. I just want to be okay with myself.
It's as if the only damn way for me to lose weight is to damn nearly starve myself. And I didn't want to walk that path again. I got really obsessive with that about 9 years ago and yes, I did manage to get to 56 kg, but it really was unsustainable.
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