Losing weight and realizing how much of life I've missed out on has really got me shaken up. Especially when it comes to missed romantic opportunities up until this point.

I have always been super fat, my whole life. But that never stopped me from having friends or going out to bars, I've always been extraverted. But a health scare last year changed everything. I just turned 30 years old, I'm a 6'2" male, and for the first time in my life I'm losing weight seriously. There's no signs of stopping. On June 29th of last year, I weighed 369 pounds - as of today I weigh 269 pounds. I've lost 100 pounds and due to the health situation, my life depends on me continuing the weight loss, so there will be no stopping. I will almost certainly be a normal weight within the next few months of my life.

Even though I was always this extraverted guy, losing weight has made me realize how much of life I was still missing out on and it has really bummed me out unexpectedly. Weight loss is supposed to be such a great thing, but people are starting to treat me differently, especially the opposite sex - and it's really affecting me emotionally. I get more respect at work, I get more respect out in public, I catch women staring at me, women come up and talk to me, women hold eye contact with me when I speak to them, sometimes for so long it weirds me out. I'm still a "fat" dude at 269lbs so I can't imagine what things will be like when I'm between 190-210lbs like my doctor said he wants me to be.

I just turned 30 and I have no experience with any of this. How much further in life could I have been by now had I lost this weight 5 years ago, or ten years ago? How many promotions, job opportunities, social events and romantic possibilities have I missed out on? And what do I do now? I don't know how to be in a relationship, I've never done anything in that regard. I don't even know how to lead a conference call at work but all the sudden here I am, all the sudden being called a go-getter and being given much more roles and responsibilities.

It's so very strange, and so very new. I will be setting up a dating profile, because I've realized I 100% want a relationship, but man what a scary thing to be exploring at 30 years old.

Thanks for reading, and have a great day.

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Weight Loss Argument with mom

So a little background knowledge before going into the situation. My mom has always been very fit and worked as a personal trainer, owns a Pilates studio and is also a ligament specialist. I was also very fit working at a gym.

I gained weight after my husband I went through something traumatic and I kinda just shut down. I gained probably about fifty pounds. That’s fine I was still very healthy and although it was a large weight gain, I was still pretty happy with how I looked. Fast forward, I got pregnant with our first child and it was considered high risk so I couldn’t work out and I gained a lot of weight and by the end of the pregnancy I weighed around 240 pounds.

After the pregnancy I lost fifty pounds in the first three months and got down to 190. I went on birth control because we decided that we don’t want to risk having another baby until we were both ready for number two especially with how tough the first pregnancy was. I unfortunately am one of those people that gain weight on birth control and ended up gaining fifteen pounds over the course of five months. So I currently sit at about 205.

I work out at orange theory three to four times a week. Do a Pilates class on Saturdays and swim on Sundays. Because I had gestational diabetes during my pregnancy I had to do follow up blood work to make sure that I didn’t have diabetes post pregnancy and this is where the issues came in.

I went in for my blood tests and my test results said that I was really healthy, not even close to pre diabetes, no high blood pressure and my thyroids are working well. The doctor told me that I’m very healthy even for being overweight and that there’s no need for immediate change if I am comfortable. I told mom that my blood tests came back with great results and that I felt good about everything. She then asked if I would go on medication for weight loss and I told her that wouldn’t be approved because I’m technically healthy with the blood results.

She then said that I should look into clinical trials to see if I could get on something without needing insurance. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that and that I feel good. She then brought of fasting which I have tried but didn’t have success with. She then said that it’s ok for me to stop eating to reach goals and I told her that’s not a healthy approach. She then said that I’m not happy and that ticked me off because I actually am very happy lately and my emotional health had been better than years prior so I said the only reason I wouldn’t be happy is because others continue to push their standards on me and that I am happy with how I look and how I feel. She then called me a liar and said that she had to leave.

She hasn’t talked to me since and I am more hurt by that than her constant hounding me on my weight. I understand that long term weight loss will benefit me but I can’t change birth control methods and I’m very healthy by other standards.

She wants me to be back to the weight I was when I was 20 but I’m almost 30 and happy with where I am. Don’t know if I’m looking for validation, advice or just to vent but any input is appreciated.

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How to handle the shame of gaining the weight back and get back on the wagon?

In 2022 I lost sixty pounds and got to my lowest weight of 148. (5’9 f)I felt amazing- and then around January I stopped weighing myself and tracking. I guess I figured my maintenance calories were pretty high (I run, hike, or walk daily 20k steps) and I didn’t need to watch myself like a hawk. I also was exhausted and depleted from dieting. Lo and behold I step on the scale this morning and I’m 170. To say I’m devastated would be an understatement. I know the only thing I can do is buckle down and get back in the weight loss routine but I feel unbelievably sad, ashamed, disgusted. I want to say “I don’t know how this happened, how could I have gained weight, I’m a runner, I intermittent fast, never eat out at restaurants, i skip dessert, etc etc etc” but I know those are just excuses. The scale doesn’t lie- I guess my tdee is lower than I assumed, or I’ve been eating a lot more.

I feel deep shame, guilt, and sadness almost like I’m grieving. I’m disgusted with how I look and can’t even look at my own reflection in the mirror. The contrast between how I feel about my body right now and how I felt at my low weight is hard to think about. I don’t know how to bear these emotions while also getting back into discipline with my food intake.

I guess what I’m asking is: Any advice from people who lost weight, then backslid and restarted? Any advice to bear the negative emotions that come with gaining the weight back?

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Thoughts about "earning" weight loss...

Hi everyone!

I've just been doing a lot of reflecting on my recent lost of "the last 10 pounds" and thought it would help me to share it here and get some other perspectives.

From 2019 to 2021, I lost 55 pounds (195-140), mostly through CICO and some exercise mixed in - I have chronic injuries from all my sports in my youth, so that complicates things, but I'm trying to be creative. I was struggling to lose "the last 10 pounds" over the past year to be at my old weight, but I was still happy at 140.

Earlier this year, I developed some digestive issues which drastically decreased my appetite - I could barely get halfway through any meals (generally unheard of for me!). A few months later, I was diagnosed with ADHD and started Vyvanse, which drastically improved my mental health but further decreased my appetite.

I've since lost 13 pounds completely unintentionally and am now at 127 (still more than healthy for my height) and still losing. While people definitely noticed my 55 lb loss, it was over 3 years so it was gradual. I know there's some paper towel effect at play, and now whenever I see people I haven't seen since last year, they say "wow, you got so skinny!", "wow, you've lost a lot of weight!", "congratulations, you look great!". The thing is, I feel weird because while I wanted to lose this last bit of weight, I didn't "earn" it - it was completely unintentional. Yes, I still kept counting calories, yes I kept going for walks, and even started physio again so I can begin going to the gym, but ultimately the weight came off because I have no appetite.

I'm not sure what I'm asking here, I guess I have two issues. 1) I never know what to say to people when they comment... I lost the weight because I'm not well right now, not because of hard work. 2) I feel almost.. guilty? Like I didn't have to try to lose it, so I don't deserve to feel good about it.

Interested to hear people's thoughts on this!

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How to start over again?

Hi everyone! Looking for advice on how to restart a weight loss journey after gaining a lot of weight back.

During the pandemic I managed to change my eating habits (mostly because I couldn't go anywhere and finally had the time and energy to cook -- I started making healthy meals and everything from scratch). I started running. I lost weight rapidly and got from about 217 to 156 pounds. Then I returned to grad school and started an incredibly stressful job, and I started steadily gaining weight. Now I am around 199 pounds and for some reason I can't get myself back on the horse.

My biggest weakness is takeout food -- eating a lot of fatty and or sugary food became one of my main coping mechanisms during the worst of my stress. A lot of times I just didn't have energy to cook. I think this has now become a deeply ingrained habit that is really hard to break. I have left my shitty and stressful job and finished grad school, so in theory I have more energy than I used to (although I still feel a lot of residual exhaustion from a really tough couple of years).

Does anyone have any advice for how to start again? I know the how of losing weight but for whatever reason I can't get myself to commit to eating better. Thanks in advance for any advice!

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Deficit Woes

Hi all,

So, I work for a health and well-being weight loss program so I'm not totally in the dark about weight loss, but I'm really struggling this week.

Last week (week 1 of yet another start) I was in deficit, upped my walking, set to lose around 0.5-0.8kg. I lost 1.4kg. Great.

This week, I was in my typical maintenance calories, so I was expecting not to lose anything (that's fine by me) but I've put all the weight BACK ON so I'm back to square one, and then some. So I'm about 0.4kg HEAVIER, just by having a normal, nonexcessive week.

I feel like I've got to be in deficit, starvation mode all the time to lose and it's starting to really get me down. This is the heaviest I've been ever and I'm seriously considering Sandexa or a gastric band to beat this once and for all.

Why can't I just have a "normal" week without piling it all back on?

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Anxiety as goal weight gets nearer

I’m 29F, 5’ 2” and started at 170lb at the end of January with a goal weight of 120lb. Through CICO and intermittent fasting I’m now down to 125lb, but my goal weight being so close is giving me anxiety. Weight loss has turned kind of addicting for me, just watching the number on the scale going down and dropping pants sizes. I’m not feeling ready to be without that dopamine hit I guess? And I thought I’d feel better about myself once I got back to my goal weight (my pre-pregnancy weight) but to me I don’t look that different than when I started, which makes the “success” feel a little flat. Anybody else been anxious/kinda sad about reaching their goal weight? How do you deal with that?

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