*Rant* No mom, constantly talking about my weight isn’t encouraging me!

Sorry for the rant, but I need to get this out. I have been trying to lose weight for about a year now. Unhealthy habits mixed with a bad side effect of pills caused some weight gain. I’m not at all happy, so I decided to change things. I am currently down almost 10 pounds. I’m honestly proud of that, but my mom...she doesn’t see it that way. She had recently lost 20 pounds. I’m proud of her, I really am. But now it seems her life revolves around weight. She barely eats, freaks out if she gained even 1 pound, and will call herself fat. Now she’s getting on me about it. I told her I lost weight, she says she can’t see it. She will call me just to ask what I ate during the day, will shame me if she finds out I gasp decided to have a small treat for myself, and will always tell me I don’t exercise enough. She insists she’s being encouraging and watching out for me, but it comes off as nagging and it makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. I’m working so hard to lose weight, and I’m doing fine with my own way of weight loss. Just because it’s not as fast as hers, or it’s not the same method, doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything!! Okay, rant over.

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How do you stop other people’s insecurities from hurting you?

Background: I was 304 lbs this time two years ago. I’m now around 234. Still a long way to go, but I’m getting there. I have PCOS, BED, depression, and BDD, so weight loss has been incredibly slow and very challenging for me, but I’ve been giving it my all for nearly two years straight.

Now: Last week I got a free t-shirt at work for a volunteer event. I thought I’d have to get a 2XL but I was shocked to find that the Large fit perfectly! I was so, so proud of myself. Later in the week I was given the opportunity to get another t-shirt and I wanted to get one for my mom, as I work for a nonprofit and she is always so proud of my work with said nonprofit. This time they only had Large and XL. My mom is a Medium, but I figured I’d grab her the Large and she’d be happy with it. When I gave it to her, I said “sorry it’s a Large, they didn’t have any smaller sizes” and the first words out of her mouth were “Oh, it’s okay. I’m getting big and fat and disgusting now anyway.” Like, Jesus Christ. I know those are her self image problems and have literally nothing to do with me, but comments like that literally destroy me. I know for a fact she had no idea what she was saying was mean to me because it wasn’t about me, but it’s still really upsetting. I need some advice to keep my progress going in the face of other people’s comments. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you deal with it? These comments are not new from my mother but have been fewer and further in between since her and I had a talk a few years ago about body image. But when they happen they still hurt and I haven’t really learned a way to cope with it yet.

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I'm not doing well.

I have a lengthy history with depression and anxiety, and they have both been taking it out of me the last few weeks (months?). It has taken a hit on my energy and motivation, including working on tracking calories and weight loss. Lately I've had a calorie surplus on the days when I've been keeping track, and a bigger surplus is likely on the days when I couldn't get myself to track. Somewhere in there was a binge of most of a bag of chocolate chips.

It's not just weight loss. I've been failing to do work (just getting by on the absolute necessities) and it's starting to show. A lot. All I want to do is drink and get high. Sleep and watch tv. Tune out and not be bombarded by so many negative thoughts and feelings.

I've got an appointment next week to see about adjusting my medication, which is good. I don't think that the Prozac is working anymore (it's been years and I'm just about at the max dose), and my physician took me off the Klonopin a few months ago because it is pretty addictive and not a long term solution, though I was mostly taking it as needed and not daily. Not that I think he made the wrong decision, but I'm going to a psychiatrist (haven't had one since my last move) to get a better assessment from someone whose main focus is mental health.

Some (most?) of my friends understand, but it's a lot to put on any of them over and over again. I don't want to hide it, but I also don't want them to feel like they have to be the ones to cheer me up either (if you ever need help explaining your depression to someone else, I highly recommend Living with a Black Dog: His Name was Depression [there's also a video]).

I just feel so gross every day and I want to feel better. But it's hard to get out of bed sometimes, it's even more difficult to turn off the tv, and it's so easy to lose myself in eating fast food, candy, chips, other junk, and getting drunk and dealing with the hangover, rather than dealing with life.

I just wanted to tell someone what's going on. I feel stuck and I don't feel like there's anything I can do right now. Thanks for listening.

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Making major changes that don’t have to do with food or exercise.

I am a yo-yo dieter. I tend to go very extreme and then after a month go back to binging and not exercising. I am a former Crossfit enthusiast who did 2 a days and maintained a fantastic body for 3 years. I got pregnant and had a very high risk pregnancy that led to bed rest and poor eating habits followed by a really traumatic delivery that made me pretty much hate my body. As a result I had major PPD and for a year postpartum ate pretty much just garbage. I would get really motivated and then the next day just completely give up. I was drinking moderately (not a crazy amount, but enough to effect my mental health) and not doing any exercise besides going all out every once in a while when I became motivated. I gained a total of 60 pounds after having the baby.

Now I am a year and a half postpartum, and it feels like I have had a cosmic shift. My entire life feels so different and it actually doesn’t have that much to do with just changing my diet and exercising. I feel like for me, I always heard people saying “just eat healthier!! Calorie count!! Go to the gym!!” And yeah those are the obvious things and I do those things now. For me though, my weight loss journey began with getting my ass into the doctors office and then right into therapy. My OBGYN suggested I get off the continuous cycle birth control pills to see if my hormones would balance out (they did) and then she prescribed me Wellbutrin to give me a little extra help kicking the PPD. At first I continued drinking alcohol 2-3x weekly while taking the pills and saw no progress with anything. After about a month of that I slowly started to feel better and I didn’t even have a desire to drink, which led to way better eating habits and healthier habits in general.

I haven’t lost a crazy amount of weight. Maybe 15ish pounds. But I don’t feel like I am constantly struggling to get a grip on my habits anymore. It all is coming so naturally and I didn’t have to make any extreme diet restrictions or exercise regimens. It actually just feels like my body and mind are beginning the healing process after what it’s been through, and naturally that has led to the weight loss I was so desperately seeking.

I also deleted all forms of social media (besides Reddit obviously but my relationship to Reddit is waaayyyy different than Instagram and Facebook) To me that relationship was extremely toxic. I felt like I got wrapped up in how I wanted other people to see me and how I saw myself. A couple years ago I was watching Bo Burnham’s comedy special and at the end he said something like “live your life without an audience.” And for me, that has been EVERYTHING. I’m not spending every waking moment thinking about what I’m going to post to make myself seem like a good mother/ a healthier person/ a likeable person. I was desperately trying to convince myself that I am those things. When I come home from work, I usually don’t even know where my phone is. I’m simply just with the people I love. I play with my kids more, we go more places other than the couch. And I’m not being sanctimonious about social media, this is all very deeply personal and I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with social media.

It also might seem like this has nothing to do with weight loss, but for me it made a huge difference in how I make choices. Just like examining why I am posting a certain picture, it helped me to examine why I was eating certain things.

TLDR; I had to heal myself from a really traumatic series of events that led to a deeply toxic mindset. No amount of instagram fitness blogs was going to help steer me towards Whole Foods. It had to be about what I needed to fix inside myself as an individual.

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Is Clean Eating Necessary?

Hello, loseit! I am about to conclude my third week of my weight loss journey. I am extremely curious- what are your opinions on ‘clean’ eating? That is to say, is it completely necessary? I’m a college student who has to live on campus, which means I HAVE to fork over several thousand dollars for a meal plan. ‘Clean’ eating, meaning all natural and organic food, is an impossibility for me. I can’t afford to pay for a meal plan AND buy groceries consistently.

That being said, I do track my macros and micros, as well as calories. As long as I stay within these guidelines, does it really matter? Am I potentially sabotaging myself? Send help!

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Two big milestones this week: -50lbs and Onederland!

Progress so far!

I have struggled with binge eating since I was 10, maybe younger. I'm 33 now, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that it has been a daily struggle all these years. I gained a ton of weight in high school, then lost 90lbs when I was around 19. I was right at the top of my health BMI and really wanted to get lower, but I was still binging every 1-3 days so I just couldn't get my deficit high enough to lose more. I exercised a LOT and counted calories, and it was a big struggle not to gain weight. I maintained that weight loss for around 8 years.

Then I got pregnant, and I had a really difficult child (colic and sensory issues, among other things) and over the course of 4 years I gained 100lbs. I could no longer devote the energy I had been using to hold back my BED. Occasionally I'd start counting calories and lose 15lbs, but inevitably I'd gain those back plus some. I ended up 10lbs heavier than I had been at my previous highest weight, 250 at 5'6.

At the beginning of this year I started counting calories yet again, and managed to lose 25lbs between January and the end of August. I did not stop binging several times per week so it was really difficult, every pound was a battle. And I felt like I could fall back off the wagon any second and gain it all back. My friend had been gently suggesting I try Bright Line Eating, which is based on OA/FAA (in a nutshell: no sugar or flour, no snacking, and you weigh out all your food, eating certain quantities of each food group) for months, and in August I finally decided to give it a shot for 4 weeks. I didn't think it would stop my binge eating; it had been a part of me for as long as I could remember so it didn't even occur to me that I could stop doing it.

Much to my surprise, it was not hard for me to follow this way of eating. I expected to struggle but I really haven't. And even more surprising, I haven't binged once since I started on August 23! This isn't even something I had considered possible. As time has passed I have really grown to understand my BED more than I could when I was in the middle of it. I was not aware of how bad it was, even though it seems obvious from the outside. For me this way of eating has been the structure I need to stop binging. Needless to say I kept going once the 4 weeks were up!

In the 10.5 weeks since I started BLE I'm down 25.5 more pounds, putting me at 50.5lbs down this year! And this morning when I stepped on the scale it was the day I've been waiting for, the scale said 196.6! I have a ways to go still but I'm so proud that I've lost 20% of my body weight this year and I no longer doubt that I'll hit a healthy BMI and will even be able to get into the middle of my healthy BMI range. This way of eating makes me feel great, it's high volume low calorie (I eat 20oz of vegetables each day!), so even though I have a bigger calorie deficit than I used to have I do not get hungry outside of meal times, and I have tons of energy.

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The number on the scale should not be your only metric...

...just because the scale isn't giving you a number you like doesn't mean you efforts are a waste. i called my mom crying today and she reminded me of this. I have a feeling there are plenty of people who can use this reminder too.

Warning, long post ahead.

I'm 22 and for the last 2 years I've been slowly working to loose the weight I put on during freshman and sophomore year of college. It's been an uphill battle, to be honest, and as a high achiever, it's incredibly painful to not be hitting all my goals, all the time.

I started this journey in May 2016 at the weight of 168lbs. At 5'1", that's an unhealthy, obese weight. Today, I'm at 152lbs. "Overweight" according to BMI calculators. It's been a struggle to get this far.

I just started my first full time "adult" job in late July. It's a rotational program, so I've only had a few months in the headquarters area before I get shipped off later this month to a different location. Which meant a lot of networking in a very short period of time. Happy hours, lunches, birthday cakes, you name it. And then of course, going out with my peers on program, so drinking and late night drunk food.

Happy hours, going out, and bar food, don't play very well with a 1200 daily calorie target. So, I've been hitting the gym 4-5 times a week too. Not as punishment. But because I love lifting. Working out with the intent to lift heavier and get stronger has made going to the gym pure enjoyment. Putting more weight on the bar is a fulfilling challenge. I've kept my calorie goal at 1400 a day, enough to still be in a deficit on the days I don't lift, but also enough to have enough fuel/energy to make progress in the gym.

And I'll be honest, I haven't been watching my calories as closely as I should have. I'll say yes to going and getting a beer with a friend even though I only know I have 600 calories left for dinner that day. I'll pick at the chips/fries/etc. at happy hour even though I know I shouldn't because it's there and everyone else is picking at it. So, of course, I've plateaued and stayed at the same weight for the last month or so.

And today was my breaking point. I have been so tired of choosing between staying in and being meticulous with my food or going and running elbows with the senior management of my company while I'm in the same geographic area as they are. I have been so tired of the constant battle between my priority to build a good future for myself and my priority to get healthier.

I called my mom sobbing. And she reminded me that there are so many other metrics that point to me getting healthier. That weight loss is not a race, it's a marathon. She made me list all the amazing fitness/weightloss related accomplishments I've had these past few months (list below).

For those of you who are like me and feel like they are hitting a wall, I want to remind us all that it's okay I'd the scale doesn't drop every week. It's okay to take a maintenance break for a couple weeks to help get your mental health under control or deal with a particularly busy or stressful time (moving, new job, holidays, family emergency, etc.). The scale is not the only measure of your health and your progress. And just because the scale isn't doing what you'd like, doesn't mean you aren't on the right path. Keep working, keep trying, and always do it out of a place of self-care and self-love. I may have to keep walking the weightloss marathon for the next year or so to get to my goal. But trust me, I will keep walking and I hope you keep walking with me.

Since graduating: *I've slimmed down significantly even though the weight difference is only about 5lbs. [Progress pics: May 25th to October 27] https://imgur.com/a/eFmTAzI *I've built healthy habits around food, such as eating more vegetables for lunch and dinner instead of carbs if I know I'll be going out and drinking later that day. *I can run faster and further than ever before (I ran a 12 minute mile for the first time in my life last week). *I can deadlift more than my bodyweight (!!) and do 30 burpees without wanting to die. *My mental health is improving

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