I have a lengthy history with depression and anxiety, and they have both been taking it out of me the last few weeks (months?). It has taken a hit on my energy and motivation, including working on tracking calories and weight loss. Lately I've had a calorie surplus on the days when I've been keeping track, and a bigger surplus is likely on the days when I couldn't get myself to track. Somewhere in there was a binge of most of a bag of chocolate chips.
It's not just weight loss. I've been failing to do work (just getting by on the absolute necessities) and it's starting to show. A lot. All I want to do is drink and get high. Sleep and watch tv. Tune out and not be bombarded by so many negative thoughts and feelings.
I've got an appointment next week to see about adjusting my medication, which is good. I don't think that the Prozac is working anymore (it's been years and I'm just about at the max dose), and my physician took me off the Klonopin a few months ago because it is pretty addictive and not a long term solution, though I was mostly taking it as needed and not daily. Not that I think he made the wrong decision, but I'm going to a psychiatrist (haven't had one since my last move) to get a better assessment from someone whose main focus is mental health.
Some (most?) of my friends understand, but it's a lot to put on any of them over and over again. I don't want to hide it, but I also don't want them to feel like they have to be the ones to cheer me up either (if you ever need help explaining your depression to someone else, I highly recommend Living with a Black Dog: His Name was Depression [there's also a video]).
I just feel so gross every day and I want to feel better. But it's hard to get out of bed sometimes, it's even more difficult to turn off the tv, and it's so easy to lose myself in eating fast food, candy, chips, other junk, and getting drunk and dealing with the hangover, rather than dealing with life.
I just wanted to tell someone what's going on. I feel stuck and I don't feel like there's anything I can do right now. Thanks for listening.
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