I have been trying to lose weight since December 2018 but I started recording my thoughts about it since January 2020. In this you can see how easily and often I give up. I am on another try these past few weeks though.
1/24/20 As a kid either I wasn’t really too over weight or I just didn’t notice But then I started playing football where I was encouraged to eat a lot so I could get bigger and harder to move. I got my license at the beginning of sophomore year which allowed me to go out and get food when ever I wanted
During the football season junior year I twisted my ankle and had to stop playing football. This caused me to gain weight cause I wasn’t working out and still eating the same or more I finally recovered but during the summer workouts before my senior I tore a muscle in my back which prevented me from working out but I still had the same eating habits so I gained more weight. I probably was at my highest weight at around 265 during the season Once the football season ended I decided it was enough and decided I was gonna start running every day I ran every day for almost 30 days and got up to running 3 miles in 28.5 minutes but during one of those runs I started getting shooting pains starting at my ankle and up my leg I went to the doctor about a week later and it turned out I would need surgery and many month to recover. My family had a ski trip planned and decided we would get the surgery following the ski trip. I got my surgery in may and then started trying to run in August but my right and left ankle started to hurt.
The rest is a journal for when I want to write
1/24 I waited to eat my first meal but then ended up eating a lot during dinner time. I stayed up til 12 and wanted to go by the gas station and get some candy but I resisted. I feel like if I saw any results of me looking or feeling better I would be motivated to eat healthier but I feel like it doesn’t help
1/26 Everytime I try and lose weight and I notice that I am still gaining weight I usually respond by giving up this time after continuing to gain weight I am going to try eat healthier and workout more
2/4 I haven’t worked out in days and my ankles constantly hurt. It’s difficult to find the motivation to workout when you’re eating poorly so I have decided to start off buy not eating any sugar or processed food that should not be difficult and I am just going to stop when I’m full
2/11 I eat constantly and hardly workout I have no excuse to be upset with how I look or feel
2/24 I have not made any changes since the 11th it’s actually just getting worse I buy snacks for the week and end up eating the whole thing instead of buying meals. I do not work out and I’m starting to go into a depression due to my poor performance in school causing me to do even worse
3/1 It’s the beginning of the month and it’s close to the beginning of the week. I am going to try another time to start living healthy. I am going to not going to drink soda, no dessert, no fast food. This seems like a very simple diet so hopefully I can stick to it. I have no energy to workout but hopefully as I start eating better I will become more motivated.
3/7 I weighed my self for the first time in a long time and I weighed 239... I am very discouraged at the moment but I did eat sweets at breakfast and at lunch and then I had Chick-fil-A for dinner so I can’t be too mad at myself
3/24 Since being home I have just continued to eat horribly. With food always being available I eat what feels like constantly
4/18 weight-242 Mom and Gideon’s birthday was today and I allowed myself to have one last day of unhealthy eating. The bad thing is I have probably had dozens of these “Last Days” and I have never been successful for more than a few weeks. I think if I could stick with it for a few months and see some real results I could make healthy living my life style. I am already having doubts though our pantry and fridge is stocked with unhealthy food unlike ever before we even have half an ice cream cake in the freezer. I have asked my family to join me in eating healthy because I know if I have the temptations beat me I know it will be very difficult for me to resist. Hopefully I can convince them before I break.
4/20 234 When I weighed myself this morning I was very surprised to be down 8 pounds after one full day I checked the other scale and it was right. I definitely will not make such a jump this time I’m even worried that I am going to go up in weight since we couldn’t be in the kitchen and I had to eat fast or junk food.
4/22 Yesterday I went back up in weight and I got discouraged and ate poorly. That probably made me gain more weight but I’m not gonna check cause I don’t want to be more discouraged. I’m just going to try to eat well today.
4/23 It’s 2am and my stomach is aching hopefully I stop being hungry at all times
4/25 After biking today my ankle started aching and it hasn’t stopped. This is really aggravating there is no exercise that I can do without being in pain. I was so down that I ate cake and Nutella. I’m not gonna let that happen again though
6/21 Not going great it’s been almost 2 months and I weigh 230. pretty embarrassing how poorly this is going.
6/24 I have started keeping a log of what I eat. It’s keeping me accountable but it’s only the third day today of doing it
8/20 still haven’t changed how I eat or exercise. Even when I lose weight I’m probably just losing muscle mass and gaining fat. I constantly think about a time where I can show up to people I haven’t seen in months in great shape but I just can’t force myself to eat healthy.
10/13 2 days until I turn 20... besides that being completely awful it’s also been almost two years since football ended and I’m basically the same weight but this time with less muscle and more fat. If there’s ever gonna be a time to lose the weight and finally get to the point where I’m healthy it would be now but I still haven’t been committed to exercising and hearing healthy. Knowing myself I have always tried to start those things at the begging of the week month or year but I can never commit to it. But if I’m gonna continue having a significant starting point I’d say the day I turn 20 is a pretty good one. So now I’m gonna be committed even if there are days or even weeks where I fail and slip up I am going to commit this next year of my life to being healthier than I was.
Guess what it’s been two weeks and I haven’t made any changes. But like I said it was a long term goal and I’m still working for it
11/15 I feel absolutely awful I want to do nothing but sleep and eat crappy all the time Which likely is what’s making me feel bad which is a cycle I am extremely stressed out
12/20 Today is Sunday and yet another time where I am saying I’m gonna start a diet Monday but I have absolutely no motivation and sugar all around me
12/22 It’s the end of the second day it’s been pretty hard especially since mom has given up doing it with me
3/10/21 I have been using MyFitnessPal and doing very well for the past 2 weeks but today I went to the grocery store and ate a bunch of candy. Idk why I do this to myself but I need to do well the rest of the week cause I weigh myself on Sunday’s
3/16 I have been feeling less and less hungry but eat for nutrients now which I feel like I’m doing okay at. I believe this week is going to be much better in terms of weight loss after that week where I had candy. I’m hoping to be under 240 but no matter what the number I am going to have another good week.
3/21 After a week of possibly the hardest dieting I’ve ever done and fully expecting to be down at least 5 pounds I have lost 1. Two disappointing weeks in a row and this one hits harder cause I’m not sure why I did so poorly. One or two more weeks like this and I’m sure my motivation will be gone completely. I just read the entry before this one which said no matter the number I will have another good week and I will put in all the effort I can
3/31 I haven’t been eating too well. I often go over my calorie goal and I’m just eating wayy too many carbs. I need to figure out a way to fix that
4/5 I lost weight but still not doing too well I eat horrible at the beginning of the week and then play catch up the rest of it.
4/8 After reading though all the entries again I notice that all of them are mostly negative. But in reality the past 7 weeks have been positive i just write stuff here when I’m feeling discouraged. But in the past 7 weeks I have lost 20 pounds and I have worked out everyday for the past 32 days.
4/9 On a TDEE calculator which determines how many calories you should eat. It said that it estimates I could be at 207 pounds at 15% that seems like a crazy goal since I started at 30% but I think I would like that. When I was at 205 I was at 24.5% fat so that means I would have to gain a lot more muscle
Today uncle Chad, hope and mom commented on my weight loss it felt good that someone had noticed a difference since I haven’t yet
4/14 I started doing weights these past few days and I can’t seem to eat under 1900 calories anymore. I had a milkshake and feel awful I should not have it anymore
4/16 I had a bad week this week. I know what my problem is though. I need to fill up on protein and vegetables and chill on carbs
4/24 I had an even worse week. I have no motivation to exercise and no motivation to eat right I often eat 3000+ calories
5/3 This past month I have been eating horribly I eat fast food nearly everyday somehow and I don’t even go out for any other reason. Even today it’s 7 pm and I have had 1555 calories today but nearly 1100 calories were spent at Taco Bell. I could eat lots more if I focused on protein and vegetables but I must have an addiction
5/4 This summer maybe I will do intermittent fasting. Nothing too crazy maybe I’ll do 10-8? That’s a pretty big window but maybe I’ll eat less if I don’t allow myself to eat late at night
5/17 My diet has been horrible. I am going to do intermittent fasting
5/25 I haven’t been able to do intermittent fasting because I would have to eat between work which would be 11-4 which isn’t enough time. But I have slowly been losing weight so far
5/26 Dad asking what size shorts I wear “ what size waist? 42? 44?” “No dad I’m a 38” “Really?!?!” I have never been above a 40…
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