I'm at sort of a confusing and weird point and I need advice. This is about weight loss and body image. Sorry it's a little long.
For some background, I'm 27f and 300lbs+. I've been overweight pretty much my whole life, and ever since I was maybe about 10 or 12, my mom had me on diet and weight loss programs, sent me to a weight loss camp in another country for a month, tried to get me to do every fad diet with her, etc., and I never really had a choice in any of this. She would "ask" me if I wanted to do whatever new thing, but I wouldn't really have the option of saying no without her guilting me into saying yes, and then I was never allowed to express any dislike for any of it because she and my dad "spent all that money on it." This continued until university and now I'm living on my own in a different country, where I've been for a couple of years now.
Because of all of that, for the past 10+ years I've had a negative view toward anything to do with weight loss. Because of those years of forceful weight loss attempts (which never really worked of course), I now have this mentality of "if I actually do lose the weight then they'll have won" (even though I know that doesn't really make sense and I should do it for myself but you know. Trauma.
Anyway, cut to now at 27, I had a routine medical checkup the other day for the first time since about exactly a year ago, and realized that I weigh more than I thought I did, and now for pretty much the first time ever, I have a personal wish/motivation to lose weight. I've never had that in my whole life because of my teen years that made me dread exercise and intentional weight loss (I didn't want to be fat, but the idea of the effort of trying to lose weight was repulsive I guess).
So that's where I am now. I want to start trying to work out at home. My issue isn't really with food (I mean a little bit but not as much) as it is with just not exercising. But now I'm in sort of an in-between spot. I want to lose weight, but the thought of my family and relatives and family friends commenting on it when I go back home, telling me I look good/pretty/whatever when I weigh less, makes me feel sick. I know it'll happen and it's a common experience, and just reiterates how they basically thought you looked bad/gross/ugly before (and I get it, fatphobia is so prevalent) but idk. The idea of my mom being like "wow you look so skinny!!" just makes me almost not want to do it at all. I don't hate my family and I do want to go back and see them, I just hate the comments on my body.
One other thing that I worry about is the appearance of loose/excess skin. I'm quite big and I know I'll almost definitely have loose skin if I lose a significant amount of weight, but I'll admit I don't really know how that works. What areas of your body was it the worst, if you had that issue? Was the surgery difficult to get and/or recover from? That's another thing that almost makes me just not want to do it at all.
Basically I'm trying to do it for health, but the thought of what comes with that - appearance and outside reactions - is worrying me a lot. Sorry this was a little long but if anyone has any thoughts or advice, please let me know. Thank you!
tldr; I want to lose weight for health reasons but I'm dreading the comments and body image issues that come with it. looking for any advice from anyone who has been there.
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