Hi everyone.
I have been keto very liberally off and on for a couple of years. Back in 2019, I had really great success and 50 pounds melted right off. I went from 240 to 190. My lowest weight was 179, but then I fell off the wagon for months. Even still, I maintain between 190 and 205. I haven't had anymore success with weight loss. It's been over a year since I reached that low of 179. It seems I cannot make it more than a few weeks of keto before I'm off the wagon, but it's not just about eating carbs. For me, eating carbs is a doorway into binge eating. I feel like it doesn't matter what I eat-- potatoes, rice, salads with lots of veggies, fruits-- if it's carb loaded, it will send me spiraling into a binge that can sometimes last... months. I feel so ashamed to even admit that. When I fall off the wagon, I fall HARD. That being said, it truly feels like being in ketosis, or sometimes the act of fasting, is the only thing that takes away the part of my brain that loses control. Even if it's only for a few weeks, keto gives me the feeling that I am in control of my eating behaviors, binging becomes minimal, and if I'm not around carb-laden food, I do not really get cravings for them. The problem for me is multifold. 1) it seems like keto isn't sustainable long term. Society revolves around food, I genuinely feel as if I'm missing out a lot of times because I am so restrictive with carbs. This leads to me feeling sad towards food, mad at myself for not being "normal," etc which leads to binging. 2) Keto is the only thing that gives me a semblance of control. I tried to just count calories for a couple weeks, but inevitably I would eat something that would lead into a binge.
So. I know this problem isn't really even a keto problem. It's a binging problem. Binging is a mental problem, probably a maladaptive coping mechanism. However, there is a part of me that feels like I will never truly be in control of myself if I'm eating carbs regularly. But another part of me feels like I cannot live my whole life keeping myself from food I enjoy. Ugh. I just feel so hopeless and out of control. I feel like a child who's had their carb eating privileges revoked. It feels like a punishment, and despite feeling so lost and unsure, I know for certain that feeling that way is not the path towards successful weight loss and health management.
I'd truly appreciate any and all advice. That being said, I don't have insurance or the resources to consult a dietician or therapist at the moment. I'm hoping this will change soon, but right now I need things I can take in my own hands. Thanks for reading.
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