Its a hill I don't think I can climb

I love all the positive stories on here and I am happy for every milestone achieved and everyone else's success. I want to say they motivate me and make me want to do better but I don't know if I ever can.

It feels insurmountable, years and years of work, of sacrifice.

I am morbidly obese, I am 5ft3 and have a BMI of 43. I reached out to my Dr today for help/support/hope... I don't know, I reached out. I was just told again that I need to simply eat less, exercise more. Sound so easy but it's not, its hard!

In the last 10 years do you not think I have considered this. The solution is so simple, why can't I just do it. All I hear is my Mother again telling me I'm a fat and useless and will never amount to anything. I hear the boyfriend who told me no one could possibly love someone like me, no one likes fat people. I remember the article I read about how slim people are more successful. I remember all the times I religiously counted calories but still gained weight. I look at around me, at the people I see and can only think of how disgusting I am.

Obesity is a mental health crisis, food makes me happy. Sometimes it feels like the only thing that can, when I "diet" all I can think about is food and spend every second obsessing over how the only time I'm happy is when I'm eating.

I am too ashamed to go to the gym or exercise in the outside, I'm pretty much too ashamed to go outside. I've tried calorie counting, legal and illegal weight loss drugs. I've tried ignoring it, I've tried positive behaviour changes, yoga, meditation, I've sought therapy and I don't know what else to do. I reached out to a medical professional because I'm desperate to do something to break the cycle...

...

Just eat less and exercise more, simple right?!?

So why do I keep failing, why can't I just be better. I tried to explain my depression, anxiety, ADHD, impulses control issues but it was a 10 min appointment and what does all that stuff really matter anyway /s

You know...

...Just eat less and exercise more...

If you have got this far, thanks for listening to my rant. I'll try and reset for tomorrow and do better and screw everyone who thinks it's easy.

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