Sunday, October 30, 2022

The more weight I lose, the more I hate everything about myself.

Over the past 1.5 years, I [F25, 5'8", SW 230, CW 169] have lost 60 pounds and honestly my self-image has never been worse.

Before, when I was literally obese, I treated myself with kindness and care. With every pound that I shed, I knew I was doing something good for myself and I was fine with taking things low and slow.

Now I'm almost at my original goal weight and hate so many things. I've stripped away so much fat already but still don't like what lies beneath. I still hate my face, my body shape, I'm starting to think that, overall, the problem may just be... me.

I've already decided to reduce my "goal" by 10 pounds, but what if I still don't like things then? Have any of you struggled with a self-image that was apparently (paradoxically) shattered by weight loss? What did you do?

Honestly, any advice at all would be much appreciated. I'm really not sure where to go from here.

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Just need to share my thoughts on my weight loss

Hey you all,

I have started to lose it at the beginning of february, starting with 125kg. I was miserable with it. At the End of July I was down to 95kg and I was so fucking happy. Everyone complimented me on it and I feel so much better, feel more healthy, I am not snoring anymore and can walk up a flight of stairs, actually multiple, without being out of breath. I have started dressing nice again and just generally taking care of myself.
But then at the beginning of august I had to find out my dad has pancreatic cancer and will probably die before the end of the year. That really threw me for a loop. I did not pay that much attention to eating for the last two months because I had to travel a lot to help my parents and what not and I also used it as an excuse to eat unhealthy. Which really sucks, I don't know why I am doing this.

Anyhow, I am back to 100kg now, meaning I gained 5 kg in the last two months basically. It is really annoying. I still have come a long way so far, I lost 25 kg in a rather short time, but by now I wanted to be at 90kg not at 100.

Yeah, I don't really know where I am going with this, just needed to get this of my chest. Thank you for reading.

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It’s hard to just say no to food in social situations

So I’m reflecting on my eating today and I feel like I ate more than i would have alone.

I went out with friends to walk around downtown. Naturally, we were hungry around dinner time so I ordered a sandwich, and the rest of the group ordered as well.

They were still hungry, so ordered fries which I didn’t eat. I may have snacked on 1-2 fries but then realized I was full

We all went for ice cream after— I always order a kids size but they didn’t allow me to because I was an adult, so I ordered the full size because the group was getting their own. Then we walked around some more then stopped in a pop up booth for snacks and drinks.

Now was I hungry for snacks or drinks…. No but it felt like the social thing to do.

TLDR: I’m on a weight loss journey, but how can I still lose weight but not feel left out with the social aspect of eating? I know I can just say I don’t want to eat x but you get into the other people feel left out or your left out and it just sucks no matter what lol

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Saturday, October 29, 2022

Weight loss and online dating.

I'm fine with chatting, but I'm not at the point where I feel comfortable scheduling anything. I'm ok with that. It's so easy to accidentally encounter the wrong person, then they can say something that gets in your head and makes you want to make a bad nutrition choice. That can happen at a target weight too. But one thing I'm happy about is that I know I'm losing weight for myself because I'm not risking my journey to a healthy weight on others/dating. It's self care to be aware of your triggers and to find ways to be able to manage them on your terms. I'm too busy right now working on myself to meet for a date, but I'll definitely chat with you for now.

How are you managing weight loss, and dating?

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Lost 15 pounds, but it wasn't the win I thought it was going to be

I'm so frustrated about this!

So I was in the outback working with camels for 2 months (long story) and throughout my time there I lost 15 pounds! I was so happy! I was burning between 3000-4000 calories a day, and I don't know how much I was eating, but considering we were in the middle of no where it definitely wasn't junk lol, so I was definitely eating at a deficit.

But now I'm back in civilization and I got a body scan only to find out that half of that was muscle loss! I'm so disappointed. I feel like half of my recent weight loss success was just ripped away, and that all of the muscle gains from the last 6 months were too! It does make sense, I went from doing strength-focused HIIT 3-4X per week to not doing any dedicated exercise. While I was lifting things, a lot of the exercise was cardio-based (Walking up to 20 km a day some days). My cardio fitness has increased substantially, which is good because that was without a doubt my weakest point. But I'm still feeling frustrated that what I thought was a big win was just me losing the muscle I'd worked so hard to gain.

I don't know what exactly I hope to get out of this post. To be honest, I think I just needed to vent a bit! So thank you for listening to my terrible TED talk lol

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Saxenda weight loss experience (42M)

To anyone who might find this useful, I wanted to share my weight loss experience with Saxenda (drug you subcutaneously administer, daily). First comment - look at the FDA data for how people respond on average. But for those of you that want some first hand, anecdotal information (the least trustworthy for a scientist, but also sometimes the kind of information you don't find in an FDA report) here was my experience. (For background, the first 5 weeks on Saxenda, you increase the dosage from 0.6 mg to 1.2, mg, 1.8, , 2.4, 3.0 mg over 5 weeks so your body gets used to it.)

Day 0: Male, 42 yrs old, weight 223 lbs, height 5' 11.5 inches. BMI =30.5 (obese). Only health problem diagnosed was moderate sleep apnea.

Day 1 through 7 - 0.6 mg shots, daily.

This first week on the medication (taken at night before bed), I did not feel hungry, but my stomach felt empty. Like there was a void in my stomach. I could clearly recognize I was not eating as much, and my stomach was empty, but I was not hungry. On the third day, I said screw it, even though I am not hungry I will eat my favorite chinese food for lunch. That night, at 3 am, I woke up in horrendous pain, as I could feel the chinese food course through my bowels over 30 minutes, and finally be eliminated. My doctor had warned me "Listen to your body, don't eat fatty foods, eat high fiber foods, vegetables, and only eat when you are hungry." So I did listen to my body the rest of the first week. I was repulsed by the idea of fatty foods, and avoided them. (From watching a youtube video, it appears many people stop increasing the dose due to this type of experience.)

Day 7 through 14 - 1.2 mg shots, daily

By day 7 I was down to 218 lbs. This second week my appetite declined further on the higher dose. I listened to my body which wanted to avoid fatty foods, had no more bouts of middle-of-the-night bowel aches. Two side effects were, due to my reduced eating, I noticed my energy levels dropping a lot in the afternoons (probably sugar levels? but no actual test done) . So I actually started eating candy every other day in the afternoon. Secondly, I was not getting a good night sleep - tossing and turning in the middle of the night, but not fully waking up. I also noticed I was (for the first time) forgetting whether I ate lunch, and not being hungry from missing it. I will say that the "empty stomach, void feeling" from the first week was still there, just to a lesser degree.

Day 14 through 21- 1.8 mg shots, daily.

By day 14 I was down to 215. This third week, of the increased dosage, changed everything for two reasons. First, the higher does completely removed the "empty stomach, not hungry" feeling. Now, from Day 14 onwards, I was just not hungry. There was no signal from my stomach telling my brain it was empty. Additionally, for some reason, I didn't have the drops in energy in the afternoons. I was feeling good this week. The second reason was I realized that perhaps taking the shot in the morning, upon waking up, would be better than at night right before bed. It turned out this was huge. I'm a light sleeper, and Saxsenda, even without fatty foods, occasionally had my intestines doing extra contractions. They were not painful, they were just there, and my body registered them when I was sleeping - leading to listless sleep. During the day it was barely noticeable (I could distract myself with work). But at night, asleep, it would make my sleep agitated. Taking it in the morning meant I got a great night sleep, and lost weight. Specifically, I have observed that 4 hours after the shot, my intestines start doing a non-painful "dance".

Day 21 through 28- 2.4 mg shots, daily.

By day 21, I was down to 212. At this point, I was getting great sleep, feeling good, eating less, and listening to my body to avoid fatty foods. Additionally, I had more energy during the day. I strongly suspect my sleep apnea decreased (although not tested with any phone apps, etc!). Sleep apnea is strongly correlated with weight. And I seemed to make a transition - I was no longer tossing and turning - I would wake up in the same position I fell asleep in 7 hours earlier - and I had more energy. So overall was feeling good.

Day 28 to 35 - 3.0 mg shots, daily.

By Day 28, I was down to 210. No change in feeling from the previous 2 weeks. Got random complements from 5 different people - coworkers and family - that I was looking good. And got a girls phone number after meeting her on an airplane. (And no, that never happened before.)

One thing I will say that I noticed (which is an anecdote, and should be taken with a huge grain of salt) is that I think some spider veins on my cheek and nose became more prominent after being on Saxenda. Have no idea if this was caused by the medication. But again, this is an anecdotal report.

In summary, I have had a good experience with Saxenda. If you look at the FDA data, the median patient loses about 9% of body weight in the long run. So I might be just over halfway to the weight loss I can expect (median target = 202 lbs). Hope this helps anyone considering this weight loss drug. I know I would have found it useful.

Additional comments:

  1. Administering the drug was not painful, and left no marks on me.
  2. My insurance covers the cost for obese people (BMI > 30) or overweight people (BMI > 25) who have at least one weight comorbidity (such as sleep apnea).
  3. Once you start, you do not need to keep the drug refrigerated. So you can carry it around with you or when traveling.
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Dealing with stress during weight loss?

I've been dieting for a long time and struggled a lot as I used food as an unhealthy coping mechanism. From my experience, I've only ever managed to lose weight by following a meal and exercise plan, so that's what I am now doing.

Still, there's one issue--doing this stresses me out so much that I feel like I can't add other things into my life like studying for my online degree or working on side projects. At this point, I'm only working at minimum effort so I can afford to buy stuff. The meal and exercise plan is pretty easy to follow as well: I eat three meals a day with optional snacks Mon-Fri, eat whatever in moderation on Sat-Sun, and workouts are 4-5 times a week.

Things like working out used to energize me and kept me feeling good mentally but now I only notice the physical strength I gain with very little benefits to my mental health. I feel like if I add anything else to my goal, I would not be able to handle the stress and just drop everything completely. I was thinking it was because I haven't found a good replacement for my coping mechanism or a good stress management alternative. I also noticed as I was writing this that it sounds a lot like mild depression symptoms.

I was wondering if others on this subreddit have been through something similar. If so, how did you deal with it?

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