Hello all! I'm on mobile and can't flair but here I am 30f SW 215, CW 155.
TL;DRI've worked very hard for over a year to lose my depression weight but now I feel like I'm a villain amongst my overweight family/friends.
In December of 2017, I put my foot down and decided I needed to do something. I had gone through a pretty rough depression for who knows how long and I ended up eating and nesting into my couch while I hid from the world. People ask what I've been doing to lose weight so quickly (hefty eye roll here. Seems like anything but quick!) and I respond, "It's a weird thing, diet and exercise actually work!"
I always knew that's how you get healthy, but it's a lot of work if you spend years watching yourself get bigger and all the people at the gym look like they know what they're doing. It's intimidating! My family has always been on the bigger side too so there was never any urgency to stop stuffing my face and putting off healthy habits.
The 30 bug bit me and I knew I didn't want to be 200+ lbs the rest of my life. I got it in my head that if I didn't get to a size I was happy with before I got much older, I'd be stuck that way forever. I decided to start by trimming down my intake. Not drastically, but if people were getting fast food, instead of a large fry, I would get a small fry. I swapped everything I ordered for smalls. Then I cut out bread and beer and limited anything fried to nights out. Then I added in some elliptical time occasionally. Then I added weights and more days at the gym.
I saw a discount in February '18 for a mud run in July. I signed up before I realized what I was doing. I told myself that we're not trying to lose weight, we're training to survive this run. And THAT is what kicked it into high gear. Swapping my goals from numbers on a scale to numbers on a dumbbell or in my notebook of workout moves/reps was the best thing I could have done, I think. It was exactly the motivation I needed. I don't battle the scale, I battle my abilities, to see what else I can do, and it is working.
Something I didn't see coming was the weird guilt trips people will send me on. I honestly don't think they're saying stuff to make me feel that way, but when I turn down a piece of cake and they say something like, "oh well I guess that's why you're so skinny." Or "Well geeze, if I didn't eat, I'd probably be skinny too." It makes what would otherwise be an accomplishment some sort of insult to those who would like to indulge. The thing is, the only reason I turned down that piece of cake is because I already had my sweet for the week, but it's worthless to try and explain. Instead I just laugh awkwardly and try to change the subject.
I try not to let it get to me but it's almost like I'm being made to feel guilty for trying to take care of myself. And guilt was a huge part of how I gained the weight in the first place. Even now, with all the discipline I've tried to learn over the past year, if I get stressed out, my go-to is french fries and milkshakes/ice cream. And comments that should make me feel good, just make me feel guilty. And lead to french fries.
Its like people use my progress to tear themselves down, and that is definitely not something I want to help them do. Like I'm somehow shoving my weight loss in their face by being in the room, not eating as much or what they're eating.
I don't know. I guess this is just kind of a rant/plea for help. What can I do in those situations? If I tell people "try walking a bit more every day or opt for the smaller portions." It sounds preachy. I don't want to be some know-it-all and weight loss being the only topic of conversation with me. =\
Nobody talked about my weight when I was bigger. Now it's the only thing people feel they can talk to me about. At first, I loved it because I did work super hard for it and it was nice to be called skinny/thin/small. But that was until I realized that people didn't have much more to say to me other than that. Like wearing a shirt with a ridiculous phrase on it or a strange hat... but it's my body. Is this forever? Do I just wait until they get used to my final goal size and can move on to watching for me to gain it back?
Honestly, the winter is probably making me dwell on it more. Just waiting for summer and the TWO mud runs I've signed up for this year. Maybe I'll do three next year!
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