This is your fault

Yes, I know this is an extremely confrontational title. And mostly this is a rant and a bit of insight into my own mindset which has allowed me to have some success over my weight loss endeavors.

I spent a lot of my time when I was at a weight that I wasn't healthy at, blaming outside exterior factors. Work, kids, schedule, etc. This just created a situation in which I felt trapped and felt powerless because I was a victim of my circumstances. But nobody made me eat. Nobody forced food into my mouth. I did that all by myself. It was only when I accepted responsibility for my own struggles that things began to change.

It's not that those reasons weren't valid. Many of us live lives that due to stress or scheduling or whatever else, losing weight and becoming the people we believe ourselves to be capable of becoming, just seems like a pipedream, drowned out by the happenings of life.

For myself that meant changing many of my circumstances. To allow room for me. I realized I was too selfless. I get that from my mom. I always wanted to give my time and give everything for others. This led to my own destruction as I no longer prioritized myself, which led to my loss of self control.

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The trainer at my work gym complimented my appearance and it made my whole day, maybe my whole month.

My office has a fitness room with weights and cardio machines. They also offer free fitness classes every day, but I only go to the office 2 days a week, so I only have 2 days a week to take advantage of them, and then only when I have time and am not too busy doing my actual job. The trainer that teaches the fitness classes is just goals. She is a few years older than me (I'm in my 40's) and she is just so fit and healthy (as you would expect from someone who teaches 3 fitness classes a day 5 days a week at least. I don't know what she does when she's not at my office.) She's buff, and she's flexible, and she's also extremely kind and cool and I just love her to pieces. Definitely a little bit of hero worship going on here. Lol

Anyway, I haven't seen her in over a month because I got Covid in early December and then I wasn't allowed back in the office even after I was recovered and then she took 2 weeks off to travel around the holidays.

I walked in to her class today, and she immediately said "You look goooood!" And it just made my whole day, way more so than anyone else who has noticed and commented on my weight loss, I think because she is kind of a hero of mine. I did 45 minutes of tabata with a happy smile on my face. I'm going to be pulling that little comment out when I need a pick me up for like the next week. Lol

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I apologize if this isn’t the right place for this, but: what to do when you have a lot you want to accomplish at once

And of course weight loss is at the forefront. But basically, I feel really pressured to do a lot in these next several months before June when I turn 30. Getting healthier is a priority, and weight loss plays a big role in that. But I also want to achieve some personal stuff that are largely creative/writing-related. I already feel like I’m falling short on all accounts, and it’s getting me down.

I’m not sure what kind of advice I’m looking for here. Maybe: what helps you stay focused, balancing what you want to achieve with everyday life (work and whatnot)? I already feel way behind in many regards but I’m trying to dust myself off and pick up where I’ve left off.

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I'm afraid my weight management doc isn't a good fit for me, anyone been there?

I've had two appointments so far, one on the 23rd coming up. I will say she gave me access to a GREAT weight loss program with videos and informative handouts - however, the videos are made by her and her staff and they can be a bit too "guilt/you need to be in diet mode" but this is for weight loss so I understand that. She also has me in physical therapy for my fibromyalgia and it's been great, I love my physical therapist and she's been awesome helping me to find exercises that are challenging but not too much for me.

I came in expressing that I didn't want to have a list of things to eat vs not eat because that doesn't work for me - macros are tough for me and I would rather tweak the diet I have now instead of eating totally differently to lose weight. What does she do? Give me a list "eat a shake or bar for breakfast and lunch, one from this category, this category, and this category for dinner. No bread, no pasta." I asked why I couldn't do whole wheat pasta and she said "that's for after weight loss." Like, I JUST told you that restrictions like that won't work for me? It was all about no carbs, high protein, meal replacements.

Then, she got really upset about what time I eat - my boyfriend comes home at 10 and we eat at 10:20ish-11 and are in bed at 1 or 2, that's just our lifestyle. She tried to get me to eat before he gets home every night and tried to give me a cutoff because "it's very bad if you eat too late, it makes it harder to lose weight." As far as I know, that's literally not true, it doesn't matter when you eat. Also she kind of made me feel bad about having a "second-shift" lifestyle (which was honestly kind of triggering to me because I had a therapist I quit with after two sessions because she mocked and belittled me for "going against nature" with my sleep schedule and that's literally all she wanted to talk about). I just find it really bizarre she got so hung up on that, because it's not like I'm binging at night, I'm just eating dinner.

I feel really guilty and embarrassed about not doing everything exactly as she wants, but I'm going to try and talk to her about what I've said here. I'm just afraid she'll think about not committed if I say "this isn't the way I need to do things." Is it just me or does she seem to have outdated ideas about weight loss? Am I just not giving this enough of a try?

I want to do this, but I'm not necessarily trying to drop a lot of weight super fast, I'm trying to lost weight by changing my lifestyle.

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Struggling to get back into losing weight after ED (tw: severe restrictive eating)

Hi everyone, I've been subscribed here for a while, but this is my first post. I've always had a really unhealthy relationship with food, and I would frequently overeat to feel happy. This obviously caused me to have weight issues from the time I was really young. When I finally decided to do something about it, I lost about 150 lbs in about a year. The issue is that to achieve that weight loss, I severely restricted my calories. I'm talking 500 or under. A good day was when I would eat about 200 total. If I didn't, I'd get super anxious and would turn to not so great coping mechanisms. I also ended up really sick because of this. I maintained the weight loss for a while until 2020 when I had a series of really traumatic things happen, and I returned to binge eating to cope and gained it all back really fast.

I really want to get back into losing weight and being healthier, the only problem is that when I try and start restricting calories at a healthy amount, I really want to slide back into my old habits and its really hard to resist doing so, so I usually end up just avoiding calorie counting all together and end up overeating so I don't lose any weight.

Has anyone had a similar experience or any advice?

By the way, I did see a nutritionist for a while, but it wasn't super helpful. I've also gone to some therapy for this issue, but I am not currently in therapy because of long waiting lists in my area/lack of mental health care professionals.

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What should my exercise routine look like?

Hi guys! I am 21F, 103kg, 167cm and my goal weight is around 63kg.

I am currently doing CICO and slowly introducing more exercise.

The thing is, I want to lose a lot of weight before gaining muscle but from online videos I’ve seen women who are doing weight lifting at the early stages of their weight loss journey.

I do not want my fat to turn to muscle so I just want to know, what should my exercise schedule look like?

I am going swimming 3 times a week and currently doing no weight lifting. I have a bike/elliptical at home so I have been doing a bit of that to strengthen my legs slightly.

Any advise is welcome! :)

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Weight Loss & Dating

Curious if anyone has thoughts here. I’ve been waiting my whole adult life to lean into finding a partner — waiting to get out of debt, for my career to be well-established, for my work-life balance to be better, and on and on — and haven’t been lucky enough to run across someone in the wild.

Now my instinct is to wait until I’ve lost weight to date… it’s so hard to imagine someone looking at my pictures — or me in real life — and actually seeing ME, not just a big lady. It’s certainly all I see when I look at myself. But it could take a year to get to a weight I’m happy with (if I succeed at all… which I’m hopeful about, but deeply afraid of being certain — itself perhaps fodder for another post on another day).

There are so many other parts of my life I’m happy with — really everything EXCEPT my weight — and finding a partner is very important to me. So I want to override my instinct to wait. One thing has become abundantly clear in recent years: life is too damned short. But I’m still just… afraid.

I suppose I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for with this post… if anyone has met their person while heavier, I’d really love to hear some success stories. Or even tactics for meeting people, or how (or whether?) to acknowledge weight on these apps… my nightmare would be getting to a point of meeting and being rejected on the spot, but I also don’t imagine leading with “Hi I know I’m large but here’s my calorie deficit plan, TDEE calculation, peloton FTP, and current deadlift max!” is a great idea.

If it’s relevant, I’m a 30-something straight female.

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