Hey there, 28F here. I’m currently in the middle of a weight loss journey. I’ve always struggled with my weight for pretty much my whole life - but it’s been more out of control the last few years. I feel deeply ashamed of my body as well as crippling social anxiety because of it. I have been diagnosed with bulimia in my teenage years which I went to the Emily Program for. In my later adult years, the purging has mostly subsided and I’ve been diagnosed with binge eating disorder. To make a long story short, my body image and weight took a stronghold on my entire life. I put off all hobbies, activities, and making new friends because of how badly I’ve felt. I even have called into work a handful of times just because I felt so ashamed of my body. I wanted to simply hide. I was in a deep mode of social isolation and shame. It was a very painful way to live life.
Recent background: A couple months ago I decided enough was enough. I am taking back control of my body, wellness, and above all my happiness. In October, I bought a home gym comprising of a squat rack, Olympic barbell, and various weight plates. I’ve been following the Strong Lifts program (highly recommend it to anyone looking to get into weight training if you’re a beginner or getting back into lifting if it’s been awhile). In addition to this, I joined a 12-week weight management program around the same time I purchased this home gym equipment. At my first check in, there were numerous body measurements taken. I found it to be quite informative to figure out my starting lean body mass (which is the weight of everything except body fat) - was 150lbs! Meaning if I had not a lick of fat on my body, which I would literally be dead, would be 150lbs. For what I’m guessing is genetic reasons, I’ve always been very “built” and muscular for a lady lol. I just had my mid-point check in and I put on 5lbs of muscle which is cool! But I also put on some fat in the process which I’m guessing is from the last couple weeks of eating like shit again and not working out. I know that even when I was doing better in previous weeks, my cardio was lacking, and I definitely know I could clean up my eating a bit, so I’m trying to not feel too bad about it, learn from my mistakes, and celebrate the little wins along the way.
So, back to the main point of this post… I am feeling so unmotivated as of lately. Another issue is that have been having pain issues with my lower back and bowel issues that have been interfering with my ability to get my workouts in. I haven’t worked out in a couple weeks now. Unfortunately I have spiraled down a rabbit hole and started eating like shit again. I however don’t want this to define my success. I really wish I had some support to get me through these tough times. I also don’t really have any immediate friends/family that strive for this type of healthy lifestyle that I am trying to achieve. I wish more than anything I could have some friends to go to the gym with, play/get involved in some type of recreational sports leagues like pickleball or basketball, or even some type of dance class or something. Or even cook and make healthy meals together. I feel like that would be so invigorating for my overall happiness since I am alone pretty much 99% of the time when I’m not at work. Long story short, I really, really wish I had some pals to do this type of stuff with. Sometimes doing this whole lifestyle revamp gets pretty lonely and I wish I had someone else to share the same goals as I do. Plus, it does get challenging when I am around the few family/friends I do have given that we have totally different lifestyles, so sometimes I feel like I’m being weighed down in a sense. Like I’m not truly reaching my full potential. I feel as though if I surrounded myself with like-minded people, that I really could “take off,” so to speak. I really feel like I could use some community support that shares similar goals and ideals as me. Maybe I should join some classes or something… but then, even though I’m putting in the work to change, my body-shame mode kicks in and I feel the need to self isolate because of how ashamed I am of my body.
Whatever you have to say in response to any of this word vomit, I’m open. If you made it this far, thank you for reading.
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