In my case, the impact was huge. And I didn’t read until now even the ‘gross’ details of a weightloss journey.
Short story about me: I’m a woman who has a lot of hormonal issues (and pcos is a ‘bonus’ to it). Irregular or absent periods, imbalances that over time made me gain even more weight and losing it seemed impossible and depressing. I’m also insulin resistant and i had iritable bowel sydrome that got me permanent constipation, so pooping was once a week for me.
Always bloated. My farts could kill you silently in your sleep. Always having digestion issues. Developed hemoroids because of the extreme constipation for more than a year.
Perfect package I could say.
I wanted to have a gastric sleeve and get myself in a hospital for months. I didn’t think I have another way. I became so desperate. I felt a ‘tiny soul’ trappes in a huge body.
But I never imagined I really didn’t take care of my body at all. Let me tell you how it was for me. And yes, some may think : ew, gross! But if you ever struggled with depression, anxiety + the issues mentioned above, you may understand that for me, that was a lifestyle. A bad one. But a lifestyle that I didn’t feel was wrong.
- I didn’t clean myself well. My showers were like 2-3 minutes maximum. Water, bit of soap at armpits and down there, water again and done.
I haven’t properly washed my legs or back or tighs in years. Why? I thought. I’m fat and disgusting anyway. And to be honest, I had no energy for that. I felt disgusting anyway.
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I ate to the point of feeling sick. I was taking pills for digestion and tons of laxatives, but all I got from laxatives were cramps and smelly farts, i couldn’t even poop.
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I was never careful with my time. People never respected my time. Because Inhad no routine. Except the 8-5 job, I did nothing with my life. Coming home, eating and... maybe watching some youtube or netflix.
People always disrespected my time and made me go to X or Y or do things I didn’t want to. Even when it came to eating, they never asked me if I prefer anything because ‘the fatty eats them all’. And guess what, it was true. I ate them all. All combined. And I got mad when someone commented on this aspect. (To be honest it was always said in a rude way so even now i think it was mean)
- I wasn’t shaving properly. I was basically shaving a bit of my legs, a sloppy shaving and only when I needed. Armpits (these thankfully I always had them clean). Shaving my puss was always ‘optional’ and it was horrible. I never had a ‘bush’ but having much hair there always bothered me. But after a while I didn’t even care anymore. ‘i’m fat and ugly’ - remember?
I’m still dieting. I didn’t lose much weight. I’m still ‘fatty’. But i’m a fatty that lost weight. I’m a fatty that started to respect herself.
And people barely started to notice. It’s been 2 months. Even yesterday I heard ”only 16 lb in just 2 months? Oh last time I lost 25 lb in a month”
But you know what? I came to a point when I feel my diet works and I feel good that I don’t give a shit about what others say. I always say now ‘slowly but surely, you put back those 25 lb, i won’t put back mine.”
I feel confident. I feel like crying because the weight loss barely started to feel now
I didn’t even exercise properly, I still learn a lot on how to respect my body. Because, in the end, my body and my mind is all I got. I came with these into this world and in the end, I will remain only with these. It may sound cheesy but if you don’t respect yourself, nobody will. If you don’t respect your body, your “shell”, noone will do.
I still have a looong way to go. Trust me it’s hard. Idk who says it’s easy. It’s a lot of discipline.
But you know what? It gets easy everytime!! Maybe weightloss slows down after a while. But the mindset changes. Your lifestyle changes. It’s a NEW YOU.
Shave your body in the right areas if you feel comfortable doing so. Use creams/oils if you like it. Use deodorant. Take care and wash your hair. You don’t need hours of routine. Even 5 minutes, a ‘fast wash’ if you are very busy. But don’t delay it for days or .. weeks. Because you will feel bad, greasy, ugly, not worthy.
AND YOU ARE WORTHY. Beat that stupid depression !!
Now, even my family asks me : hey, what would u like to eat when u come home? Is grill ok for your diet? Do you eat meat? Do you eat potatoes? Do you eat x and Y?
And it feels AMAZING! Because I have choices to do now. People started to notice and ask me about my diet.
And today I just had an amazing bath of 30 mins(so not way too much). But I managed to shave all my body and oil it and I even had a hair treatment for hydration. For me, these mean a lot. I’m sure not everyone has these ‘goals’. But find your goals and achieve them. Your body ‘goals’. Maybe you love to workout. Maybe you love to rest more. Give your body what it needs.
I still need to get into exercising more. As I said, I got a long way to go. But I’m not afraid anymore. I just take my body easy
After years of bad lifestyle, I can’t make my body eat clean daily, exercise daily, stay shaved and clean daily, drink enough water daily —- i can’t make all these changes in 1-2 days. My Body would kill me, it’s too drastic.
But take it slowly. Start with diet. Then in few weeks u will start taking care of yourself more. And in the end, exercising more would be a form of self-respect that all should achieve. At least few minutes a day.
I’m still on my way to find joy in exercising. I’m still confused about this. But I work hard to improve this. you can do it too. Just take it slow. It takes MONTHS, not minutes, to change your lifestyle!
Hug! Love you all
