Thursday, December 3, 2020

As I've lost weight, I've gotten... colder?

Context:

  • 5'3 trans man, 2.5 years on T, almost 2 years post-hysterectomy, pre-top-surgery
  • HW 265 / SW 156.8 CW 205 / GW 175-180ish
  • Shirt size has gone XL->M, pants have gone 44-38, shoes have gone 10 or 10.5 to 8
  • Eat about 1500-1800 calories a day. The actual food I eat varies, I can't really pin down a specific diet. I eat a fair amount of veggies and higher protein. I don't drink my calories (except for sugar-free creamer in my coffee)
  • I was running 3x/week and strength training 3-4x/week, but I had surgery about 5 weeks ago and I haven't fully recovered yet.

The actual post:

So, I've been on this journey since March. I plateaued about three months ago. Metabolism testing showed my metabolism was wayyyyy too low, so I increased my calories to get it back up. In that time I was still losing inches. Then, about a month ago I started losing again even though I didn't really change anything in my diet (I'm eating slightly less maybe, but it's not by much). Getting metabolism testing done again in about a week and a half to find out where that's at.

However, I've noticed I've gotten colder, oddly enough! And it's not like the normal winter colder, I'm definitely colder than I was last year. Dad teases me a little because I wear this BIG leather + wool jacket when it's 30-50 degrees out (Fahrenheit). Last year I couldn't zip that jacket up and I always felt like I was dying from the heat in it. Now, I wear it and I still feel a little chilly, even with it zipped! And I've started using my weighted blanket again because I don't feel like it's a sauna anymore.

It makes sense - fat tissue is good insulation, and when you lose fat you lose insulation. But it is NOT something I expected whatsoever. It's not something that's exactly talked about.

Last year I was also pretty comfortable walking around in a tee-shirt, jeans, and a hoodie in the dead of winter. Now, I'm trying to find good long-sleeved shirts, and I've stolen a couple of my dad's sweaters. It almost sucks because I love wearing my Hawaiin shirts, but I'm just too cold to wear them.

All my labs are fine, it's definitely not a medical thing. Temperatures are actually warmer now than they were a year ago.

This is wild! Why does nobody ever talk about getting colder when you lose weight? Is this a normal part of weight loss?

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I did it! I stuck with calorie counting for 1 month!

And I lost 2kgs, which is about what I had hoped for.

It was way more difficult than I expected for a lot of reasons. I lost my appetite halfway though and was struggling to eat enough. Even though it was good for my weight loss, it wasn't healthy for my body and I was so tired all the time. I've got it under control now mostly. I plan to continue for another month, with a cheat day here and there over the holidays.

Even though I know weight loss is a slow process, and it's even better to go slowly as there's more chance to keep it off, it's so frustrating. I think everyone here wants to see results straight away, myself included. My goal seems so far away :( but I know I just have to tough it out.

It's great hearing about everyone's journey on here so I thought I would share mine too :) thanks for reading!

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Missing Large Portions

Does anyone else have a hard time letting go of the idea of eating the large portions they ate before trying to lose weight? I know that I have some disordered eating habits, so maybe this isn't common, but I feel sad that I won't be able to get take out and eat the whole thing or eat a whole pack of cookies. Those things made me feel shame when I ate that much, but really it feels like I might never get to eat as much as I really want again, and makes me feel like this weight loss isn't sustainable. Am I ever going to feel satisfied with a small portion of food?

Has anyone else dealt with this?

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I don’t know when to stop...

I started at 5’4” and 158 pounds. I’ve since lost 24lbs in a healthy way over the course of many many months. My goal was to get down to 120lbs but...

I feel content where I’m at? I don’t love my body but I no longer actively dislike it. I’ve been plateaued at my CW (134lbs) for over a month now and it feels like my body is really trying to hang out here.

I think I will be happier at 120 but I’m not unhappy now? When is it time to stop weight loss? Do you lose until you’re content and comfortable or do you chase the dream body?

I have a history of disordered eating so I’m trying to get some “normal” outside perspectives. My brian will ALWAYS tell me to keep losing even if I shouldn’t.

TLDR; It’s hard to know when to stop losing weight, and sometimes you feel content with your body sooner than you expect.

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Real talk: alcohol is consuming my daily calories, and I’m struggling to stay in a deficit.

Posting here as a rant, because I know the answer is “cut back on booze.”

The first 40 lbs came off pretty easily- because I was able to achieve a deficit by simply eating less. Food was never my addiction. I’ve had a pretty easy time “volume eating,” finding healthy substitutions, etc.

I’ve come to a point in my journey where I need to switch focus. My food intake is in a healthy, reasonable, nutritious place. But my alcohol consumption is preventing any further deficit. This has led to a year-long plateau.

My boyfriend and I are 30, no kids, and we enjoy drinking almost every day after work. It’s such an enjoyable part of our daily routine. Food is easy to say no to, because it’s not my “reward.” That daily drink is.

After tracking calories every day for years, it’s clear that alcohol eats up at least 50% of my daily calorie allowance, and then puts me in a surplus.

I am looking for advice/ support from those who reached the same impasse in their weight loss journey. Cutting out more food would be unwise at this point. More exercise is an option, honestly I don’t think that’ll be a long term fix.

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Do I really want to get better?

TL;DR at bottom.

29F 5’3” SW: 155lbs GW:125lbs CW: 140lbs. I started my weight loss journey about 4 years ago, 2 years ago I was running 10km twice a week, weightlifting 3 times a week, I was slim, muscular, and enjoying working out and loving life... Last year came a couple injuries and a lot of excuses. I lost the joy I had found in working out & I lost my motivation...

This year... this year I fell right off the wagon. Being isolated in my house from March til present has destroyed my mental and physical health. I am depressed. I am struggling with anorexia again which I had overcome ten years ago. When I ate, it was comfort foods, so nutrition was scarce. My asthma which had been very much under control before declined to where even going for a light walk causes me discomfort. I have been seeing doctor, trying different drugs, saying to myself that I am trying everything. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t trying at all.

Yesterday I was google searching depression & weight loss, and reading and watching things, passively trying to gain motivation. Then something someone said really hit home.

“You already know what to do, 90% of our problems with weight loss we already know the answer to. What we haven’t figured out yet is how to make ourselves actually do it.” (May not be exact wording but something like that). This really resonated with me because I have done it, I do know how... SO WHATS WRONG WITH ME? As I typed my next search into the bar, tears welled in my eyes and I broke down completely. “Dealing with depression when you don’t want to get better” just typing this in let me admit to myself, truly finally admit that this was my problem. Getting better is HARD, and I don’t want to do it. I didn’t want to commit to the pain I have to go through to get from the point I’m at now to get to the point where it’s fun again, where life is enjoyable again. Working out, eating right, getting out of depression, leaving behind eating disorders, it’s uncomfortable, it causes pain, it’s hard. But the thought of being in the state I am now for the rest of my life, is worse.

Admitting this, admitting all this, finding motivation became one simple question. Accepting all the pain required for the process: Do you want to get better?

I want to get better.

Yesterday I went for a jog for the first time in about 2 years. My lungs were in so much pain I can’t even adequately describe it, I had to take my puffer multiple times, my pacing was shit & I had to walk probably about half of it (I walk til I can catch my breath then jog again til I can’t breath) I felt like I was going to throw up or collapse... but I did it. And I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF. I am going again today, and every other day, because I know this is the way I get better.

TL;DR: Working out, eating right, getting out of depression, leaving behind eating disorders, it’s uncomfortable, it causes pain, it’s hard. Admitting this, finding motivation is one simple question. Accepting all the pain required for the process: Do you want to get better?

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Well, I did it

Sooo I did it. I lost the weight. This sub was hugely helpful to me during my journey, so I thought I’d add my story in case it helps anyone with theirs.

Backstory: I was always skinny growing up. So skinny that I was the flyer on my cheerleading team. People told me my entire childhood that I was lucky I could eat whatever I wanted and stay so thin. I believed them, until I learned the hard way how untrue that was. In October 2019, I was planning a group Halloween costume with friends. We decided on an outfit that included a “one size fits all” skirt. I was terrified it wouldn’t fit me. I spent the week before it arrived researching how to add elastic to it, etc. That was the moment for me I knew I had to change. I was 25F, 5’2 and weighed 178lbs.

Method: Once I decided to lose weight, I had to learn how. Before doing any research, I vaguely expected losing weight to be some complicated and expensive combination of diet pills, severe and restrictive diets, and maybe some laxative tea for good measure. Looking back, this (completely incorrect) belief is why I waited years to get started. I could write a book now on how I feel about diet culture, but I just want to highlight that if anyone has ever felt that, you’re not alone and I promise it’s so much less scary than Instragram will have you believe. It took about 5 minutes of actual research to discover CICO, and I was thrilled to learn I could lose weight just using basic math. I downloaded a calorie tracker, bought a food scale, and was off.

The Process: I set a goal of 1200 calories/day. There were a lot of days I went over, and plenty I went under. In the end, it seems to have balanced out since it took me roughly 13 months to lose 63lbs, so pretty close to 1lbs/week. I weigh myself daily, and just being able to confront the scale every day the first few weeks was very therapeutic for me, since I’d avoided the scale for years.

For exercise, I walk 10k steps a day 6 days a week. I don’t like working out, and this is the only thing I’ve been able to stick with. I listen to a lot of audiobooks and I find the walk passes pretty quickly each day.

In the beginning, I saw a look of positive feedback for IF, so i decided to try it out. Folks, I hated it. I know a lot of people have found success with it, and that’s wonderful for them. For me, I found I was often going to bed hungry, which wasn’t going to be a sustainable lifelong habit. IF brought about some almost comical moments where I’d have plans (pre-COVID) and want to eat beforehand to avoid overeating at a restaurant or getting fast food during the trip, but I couldn’t because it wasn’t in my eating window. So of course then I overate out. I say this not to discourage IF, but as a reminder that weight loss isn’t one size fits all. If you try something on your journey that doesn’t fit with your lifestyle, don’t give up, just change the methodology.

Another lesson I learned during this journey was the importance of being mindful browsing this sub and other weight related forums. While I found this sub incredibly helpful, there were moments where I’d see a post from someone maybe 20lbs, maybe 40lbs, lighter than me and looking to begin their weight loss journey. Those posters are just as welcome, valid, and important as someone looking to lose 100+lbs, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel like an absolute whale, even if I was previously excited about reaching a new low. My takeaway is simply to skim before reading and ask yourself if that post is beneficial to your journey. If not, there’s no harm is continuing to scroll. Ideally, each journey is our own and we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, but if you struggle with that (like me) it’s okay to skip some things.

I developed a few little tricks along the way. Takeout was a huge reason for my weight gain, so I started telling myself that I would order the size I want to be. Now instead of large subs/pizzas/Rita’s, I always get a small. It might sound like an inconsequential change, but it had major results. I stopped drinking my calories with soda or juice and now drink water almost exclusively. Low calorie popsicles changed my life, and I eat one daily with no guilt.

The results: I lost 64lbs, and I’m going to do my best to maintain at 114lbs. I didn’t build muscle, so my body is far from taunt, but I’m done. Picking a weight to stop losing was an unexpected challenge for me. Probably the hardest part of my journey, honestly. At first I aimed for 136lbs, which is the highest weight I could be and still classify as a normal BMI. Starting from an obese classification, just reaching normal felt like an almost impossible obstacle. Once I hit 136lbs, I decided to lose to 118lbs, or the middle of a normal BMI. Then I hit 118lbs and dropped to 114lbs, justifying it by saying I wanted a buffer to never see the scale read above 118lbs. The truth is, I could look in the mirror and see my skeleton and think I had fat bones. 114lbs is a healthy number, and I’m going to accept it and maintain it.

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