I [29F] consider myself at the beginning of a weight loss journey after a long, slow battle with weight gain. I am not obese, just overweight, but I spent most of my adult life a healthy weight until the past few years. What I'm struggling with currently is the emotional toll of being seen by others.
I live in a major city in the US. I work onsite at an office 3-4 days a week and have to walk 20 minutes each way and take a long bus ride to commute to work on those days. I dress nice daily, wear makeup, style my hair, but none of that matters. Being out in public to this extent and being seen by others, as well as having to see myself in mirrors and reflections, is really taking a toll on me. When I sense anybody looking at me I get so anxious, and when I am at work I just want to hide. For example, I was just in a work meeting and I was so uncomfortable that I kept my arms crossed over my stomach and my stomach sucked in for the whole hour as I sat in my chair, yet I knew it wouldn't help, that everyone around me was perceiving me and my body and my size and there was nothing I could do about it, nothing I could do to change their perception of me or make myself look better. I am fortunate in that I haven't been bullied and people haven't made rude comments about me, but that's not the issue. Just knowing that they're not blind and they can perceive my body as it currently is is embarrassing in and of itself.
I am going to try to channel this negative emotion into motivation for productive things that will contribute to weight loss, such as exercising consistently, but I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to manage this feeling on a daily basis. It's taking everything I have right now not to break down and cry at work and I can't focus on my tasks.
Also, I cannot currently afford to go to therapy, so please do not suggest that route.
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