I always fail and i'm wondering if maybe that isn't bad

I might end up on r/fatlogic for this but whatever

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As of writing this I'm around 19 years old, 5'4", and 133-135 pounds. I'm wrapping up my freshman year of college, which has been challenging in every single sense of the word. My goal weight is about 125ish or to feel comfortable with myself. I'm on all the 1200 subs except 1200ipketo (I'll do a lot of things to lose weight but cutting out carbs completely is not one of them), but my goal is to not have to survive on 1200- for the rest of my goddamned life.

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In my earlier teen years I always went up and down in the 140s. I was on swim team and had practices 5-6 times a week, and either walked or biked to school most days. Despite hating my weight for being so high I was always hungry and didn't really watch what I ate. I don't swim on swim team here in college but I still go to the gym at least 5-6 times a week, swimming 2-3 times, lifting weights 3-4, and getting on a treadmill/stationary bike when there's a good collection of youtube videos I want to watch.

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I've been trying so hard to get to goals of 1428, 1200, or even 1000 calories a day. I've only been able to do that for about a day at a time before I binge, get mad at myself, try to compensate, and end up repeating the cycle. My averages end up anywhere between 1600-2250 in any given week. I am always super stressed out and being a freshman in an out of state college where you assume everyone is going to hate you doesn't help. I wasn't even losing until February but now I've lost a few pounds...and my period. When I am successful in getting my calories under even 1500 my body feels weak, sometimes like a heated bubble bath and sometimes extremely cold. Sometimes I get dizzy standing up. Also last week my blood pressure got so low from fasting I got sent to the emergency room, until I ate and got it back up.

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I spend so much time obsessing over how to reduce my calories that I really don't focus on school enough to feel like a college student that deserves to be here. I've tried abstaining from food entirely for a couple of days, but fasting gives me brain fog and makes me want to die. And I feel like I have to be a low weight and have high grades at the same time and I'm not equipped for both yet. I've spent more emotional and mental energy being horrified of the freshman 15 than my finals!

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It makes me so uncomfortable to suggest something about slowing my weight loss down, thinking that I probably would benefit from eating more than the measly 1200 that I have tried and failed to force myself to... but I'd rather lose slowly and not mess up my body any more than I already have.

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My mom has horror stories of being on 200 calories a day and despite hours of walking and sports never dipping under 120 pounds (at 5'6" and 20, mind you) and how now at 46 her metabolism is all messed up. That's not the future I want. I blow on dandelions wishing for a BMR of 2100. I think I'm thankful for my constant failure to fast or restrict under 1200 now.

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I mean, my habits have gotten *slightly* better. At the start of college I was binging on junk food and nut butters and looking at 2300+ days like 3 times a week and now I call a 250 calorie bowl of fruit a lot for a snack. I also try to be consistent with protein intake and eat more whole foods than I ever did in high school. Unfortunately most things that aren't protein or produce are triggers now because I'm like "why did I waste 10% on my calories on a piece of chocolate that didn't help me hit my fiber goals OR my protein goals? Ugh i'm so awful! I'm the worst!!" *blows another 10% of my calories on cereal or nut butter, plans to restrict next day, either feels terrible from lack of calories or from abandoning restriction plans and eating sufficient calories*

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Not sorry for fat logic here. Chocolate and peanut butter should be foods that can be occasionally enjoyed without guilt or triggering awful feelings. This low calorie goal is not letting me do that.

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I honestly don't know where I stand in the weight loss game, how to handle it, or even what sub this rant belongs in. Like my BMI says I'm healthy but my body and mind are under distress.

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tl;dr i feel like a weak glutton making excuses for not being able to meet my goals but i'm not even sure how healthy reaching them would actually be considering how messed up i feel mentally and even physically

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Hoping other peoples' past is your future

I started a new job in October of last year, and I was the first of three new employees hired at my workplace. We're all women, and when we were hired, we were all obese.

I was the smallest of the three (both in terms of height and weight), but nonetheless: we were all obese. I'm really really proud to say that now I'm 37lbs down, merely overweight instead of obese, and halfway through my weight loss. It's really starting to show, and I've had coworkers bring it up to me, including a more senior coworker who lost a significant amount of weight last summer.

I'm now Facebook friends with my coworkers, and, as people are wont to do, I sometimes snoop around social media profiles out of curiosity. To my surprise, I found out that one of my fellow new-hires hasn't always been obese. In fact, as recently as six or seven years ago, she was what I would call thin.

It's strange how much of a mindfuck it is to see someone who you've only known as obese be thin.

I've never been thin in my memory, only ever been overweight, and later obese. I don't know my coworker's experience, nor do I know if she's happy at her weight or thinking about losing it, but it's been a revelation for me to realize that I'm creating that mindfuck moment for myself in real time, except instead of that thinner self existing in the past as a photo, I'm working towards seeing my thinner self everyday, in the flesh.

Do you all take inspiration from coworkers or other people in your life? Do you see dramatic changes, either in growing or shrinking, in the people around you and apply it to yourselves?

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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2vuDSnu

Questions and Answers April 29

These are the latest questions from the @RunEatRepeat question box! Here are the notes and links from posts, gear and tips I mentioned. If you have a question ask it in my Instagram Stories or email: RunEatRepeat@gmail.com

Your Questions from April… here’s the video answering all the new questions on running, eating, hypothyroidism, tips for your first half marathon and more!

The full answers are in the video…

 

Why are you all dressed up?

I was meeting up with a friend and felt like a tragedy so I needed to get it together and put some makeup on.

Have you ran the Chicago Marathon? If so how was it? If not would you ever?

I haven’t!! But I really want to. It’s on the list for sure. The problem is it’s the same weekend at the Long Beach Marathon / Half Marathon and that used to be my favorite race. I didn’t do it last year because I went to San Diego with my ex-bf…but I missed it!

Were you diagnosed with Hypothyroidism? And if so, were you TSH levels in the ‘normal range’ when you were tested?

Yes – I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism years ago. I don’t remember if my TSH levels were normal. I do remember that it was one of my T levels… T3 I think that was low. At first my doctor just put me on 1 medication to get that up. Eventually we transitioned to another one.

I have been tested for Hashimoto’s thyroiditis – but do not have it. Hashimoto’s thyroiditis is the most common cause of hypothyroidism in the US.

Losing Weight When You Have Hypothyroidism – podcast 69

Running with Hypothyroidism

Are you going to do a scavenger hunt thing again? I don’t need the prize… just loved the game.

Yes! I thought it was so much fun too! But it is a lot of work so I’m glad you reminded me so I can plan it into my calendar.

Favorite quote from a book?

The Bible? Love is kind. I love the verse from Corinthians 13:4-7 … Love is patient. Love is Kind…

A movie? From The Spirit of the Marathon movie – … Deena Kastor is training for the Chicago Marathon. She’s in Mammoth and it’s super windy. She talks about the weather and says she’d hate for it to be like this on race day. Then she says, “Well at least I can’t say I didn’t train in it!”

A family member? *We can talk about this next time!

Your best friend? not my best friend but someone once said something to me that I always remember… “It’s never too much to ask that someone is kind and respectful.”

Have you ever tried tart cherry juice?

Hmmmm??? I think so? Apparently it doesn’t help with your memory… But it can help prevent soreness / inflammation.

 

 

I’m having a hard time getting motivated to run again but really want to… suggestions?

Yes!

A. Check in everyday on the Run Eat Repeat Instagram post asking for your run report. Whether you’re running, it’s a rest day, you’re skipping out, you’re sick, you’re walking your dog… make it a habit to report it and hold yourself accountable.

B. Make a realistic plan for when you will run. Plan 3 days & time into your week. If you have time for more – great!! But you must do at least that and start building the habit back up.

C. Sign up for a race. Choose a race that’s a ways out so you have enough time to ramp up and train. Then, get a training plan and start!!

D. Make it easy for yourself! When you’re doing your laundry… put your workout gear into complete outfits – everything you wear to run. Then, place them bundled up somewhere easy so you can grab it and change or put it in your bag and you’re ready to go!

E. Join a running club or group. Make a running buddy date. Find a way to be accountable in person to someone else.

 

Do you take/have any favorite extra protein or supplements?

Yes – I use protein powder in my smoothies and have started to use collagen powder too. I also take vitamins and a few supplements.

My favorite protein powder and supplements right now:

To stay hydrated – both before and during a run I love Spark drink mix.

I use Spirutein Protein Powder – I buy it from Amazon. Some health foods stores carry it but the company has a ton of flavors and I haven’t seen a good variety in any grocery store or health food location.

And I take vitamins and supplements. I take a multi-vitamin and a few other supplements.

My first half next Sunday – OC Half. Any last minute tips? Nervous and proud!

Good luck!! Have fun and try to enjoy it and remember it!

Half Marathon Tips:

1. Have fun!!
2. Lay out all your stuff before the race.
3. Stick with what you know – gear and fuel.
4. Believe in yourself – You got this!

Here are some good blog posts with tips for your half marathon:

What to eat before a half marathon that’s late in the day.

10 Things That Can Happen at Your Half Marathon – And What to Do About It!

My Race Morning Routine – everything I do the morning of a race!

 

 

Follow @RunEatRepeat on Instagram for more!

The post Questions and Answers April 29 appeared first on Run Eat Repeat.

from Run Eat Repeat http://bit.ly/2W8AZ7H

Friend gave me the finger when she found out I lost more weight

Hello long time lurker, sorry for the format I'm on mobile, and also sorry for my grammar.

So this happened a few weeks ago but I just cant seem to get over it. I have a friend (24f) who i (24f) started a weight loss journey with. We started hitting the gym last years, but a few months ago she stopped going. I haven't, but everytime I mentioned I was going to the gym she would expect me to not go because she didnt go. She never said it out loud but she would give me crazy attitude anytime I went by myself. Last month she sent a meme to our mutual group chat, the meme was about sabotaging your friends diet. Ever since then I have been noticing how she would always offer me the foods that I cant eat and when i say no shes keep asking if I'm sure. Before i saw the meme i fell for it everytime thinking she was just being nice, but once i saw it and started saying no she would again catch an attitude with me. Everytime someone points out how great I look, instead of being happy for me she starts talking bad about herself and derails the conversation which makes me really uncomfortable. I've evan had mutual friends point it out. But a few weeks ago she went to far, I was with her and her boyfriend when she grabs the waist of my tights. She mentions that there looking loose so I say "yah I've lost more weight" as soon as I said that she gives me a big frown and the finger and says fuck you in what I felt was a serious tone. When she saw the look on my face she tried to play it off as a joke but I could literally feel the resentment roll off her. I played it off cause I didnt know what to say or how to act in the moment but it's been bugging me for weeks. I love her shes my bestfriend but I cant deal with the jelousy. I cut off a mutual friend of our a few months back because she kept making jabs at my weight loss and was over all toxic. She knows how our old friends words affected and hurt me so why is she pulling the same shit now. I dont want to cut her off or distance myself cause shes my bestfriend but what she said hurt me. How do I talk to her about this.

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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2IPB0uo

Dieting As a Student

I’m getting really frustrated.

I’ve been trying to lose 30 pounds since August but it’s so difficult to remain in a caloric deficit when you’re constantly sleep deprived, stressed, and busy. I keep trying to focus on my assignments but I can’t concentrate because I’m hungry. It’s also becoming very difficult for me to get my workouts in because I’m always so ravenous and all I want to do is nap to ignore my hunger.

I’ve tried gum, intermittent fasting (which led to binge eating due to my history of disordered eating; anorexia), full day fasting, regular snacking, small meals, big meals, etc. I feel like I won’t be able to lose the weight until summer when I have less obligations, but I also know that the first half of my summer will be a summer session for a notoriously hard class (ie. it won’t get any easier to lose weight), and the second half of summer is a long way to wait.

I also get frustrated with myself frequently when I think about how I could have already lost the 30 pounds (and then some) had I just done this right the first time. I lost about 60 pounds (more than was healthy to lose for my height and starting weight) about 4 years ago, but gained it back last year because I had developed an eating disorder.

I’m healthy (mentally) now and ready to lose the weight again since I went to far in recovery (I almost developed binge eating disorder well after I was weight-restored). I’m so really frustrated with constantly having to sacrifice my physical health and weight loss goals for my school work.

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Something i notice that's pretty significant

I started tracking my weight in 14th of March this year, i usually eat 1400 cal per day to fulfill my calorie deficit routine, I'm sedentary so that i can see what effects the diet will do to me without doing much these past ~2 months and all is going well, i also track my weight everyday every morning, i have a steady curve of weight loss and I've lost 5 kg already (hooray me).

But there are moments when i was doing college work and i had to do an all nighters, it was at around the end of march and middle of april where i didn't slept that day, i checked my weight loss curve and found out i actually gained weight at those period, i wasn't even eating over my calorie intake of 1400 and it isn't small either i gained like 1 kg from each of those nights just cuz i didn't sleep, i compensated after by sleeping well again and it steadily decreases again but man oh man.

Tldr, If you're planning to lose weight then sleep cuz apparently your body burns more calories when you do than when your awake. Don't sleep to much thou like 8 hours is the ideal sleep time.

Sorry for my English.

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My mom hates my fitness journey.

Hey all, I’m an 18M at 5’10” soon-to-be college kid who’s been bullied for all of my life because of my weight. Usually it’s small teasing, nothing majorly crushing, but it’s severely impacted the way that I see myself in the mirror and in pictures. On March 12th of this year I decided to lose weight and finally get to where I want to be in terms of both looks and health. I excitedly told my mom, hoping she would support me and want to help me with the basics like counting the calories that she cooks, but the opposite happened: she threw a fit and told me that I look fine, that I don’t need to worry about what others think, and that if I keep bothering her about it she’ll have to take me to a doctor about a possible eating disorder. What do I do? I’ve tried showing her my research and explaining to her the process and my goals, but she won’t have any of it. My friends are also limited in supporting me, saying that “doing a calorie deficit is just advanced starvation” and the like. I’m not going to stop, because this is my journey and my body and I’m handling my weight loss safely (down 10 pounds in around 2 months at around an 800 kcal deficit!) but I’m having a hard time with even mentioning food around her. Is there any way to help her listen to me without blowing up, or should I suffer through the summer until I move into college in August?

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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2Wm9TtG