Healing Little Me

I am doing DBT to help improve my life. (BPD, Bipolar, Anxiety, PTSD, etc) Today we talked about radical acceptance. That is, whole soul accepting the crappy things that have happened.

This threw me into a panic. Because even though I'm 32, my life revolves around protecting the 8 year old Aletha that was traumatized so badly I put on 40pounds in one summer, and haven't stopped gaining since. I'm currently about 480.

I'm terrified to try to accept my past. I've built my life on thinking and treating myself like I don't deserve love. My outgoing personality is sarcasm towards myself and making myself invisible to everyone to apologize for my existence.

I don't even know what accepting and healing looks like. I cannot fathom how different that could possibly be. There's the guilt and shame from the trauma, and the added ick from how I've chosen to deal with it all these years. I understand little Aletha did the best she could to survive and cope, and I'm grateful. But I feel like I've never moved on. It's been almost 30 years and I'm still that scared little girl who eats so she doesn't have to feel things.

I don't know if I'm asking for advice, commiseration, or similar stories. But I am certain this is what's holding me back on permanent weight loss. I want to heal and move past the choices other people made for me. It was one summer that I've turned into my life story. Part of me doesn't feel like I deserve forgiveness for that; for the waste of a life.

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My Dexa Scan - 45 pounds lost CW: 283

Link to my My Scan Results All comments/questions welcome!

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SW: 328, CW 283 6'2' M49

highlights

BF 34.5%

Fat Tissue: 97.5 lbs

Lean Tissue: 177 lbs

RMR: 2,068 cal/day

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So there is company that has some truck that travel around to various gyms in the area and does Dexa scans. Its only $45. The tech doing the scan told me that most people who do the scan motivated by weight loss tend to wait 30 pounds before they do their first scan. I wish I had a scan at my peak, but this seems like a good baseline since I have much more to reach my goals. I am curious to see results over time. I expect I will do another scan around 40 additional pounds of weight loss. I see it a very effective tool for measuring other gains beyond weight loss.

I am also hoping this will help me set some final goal weights. My current GW is meant as an interim goal weight, but I think Body Fat % is a good way to come up with a reachable and final goal weight.

The scan itself took about 10 minutes. You lay flat on a table and the scanner is above you. It slowly scans down your body, it scans left to right and then moves down your body notch by notch until the scan is complete.

The company offers a free 15 minutes phone consultation as part of the scan, I will take them up on the offer, although I suspect at least some of those 15 minutes will be selling me something else.

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NSV: Got snark for my weight

Long time lurker here, first time poster.

After I'd browsed around this sub a while, I realized that, for being t3 obese, I'd never really gotten many comments about my weight. While I'd like to attribute it to my natural charm (/s), I had the feeling it was the magical power of being socially invisible.

250lbs was the magic milestone for me until one-derland: it put me into t1 obesity from t3, and it was also a nice, pleasant number, a halfway point. I promised myself I'd get back into a job that had me on my feet (spoiler: I did, and the crippling foot/back pain is already a distant memory, which is worth an NSV of its own), but I also posited it'd be the weight I started becoming "visible" again.

Cue today. CW: 245 lbs. I work at a bakery, and was catching up on cookie baking. A coworker who other coworkers describe as a, ah, female dog has been picking at me from a number of angles for ways to get under my skin. She asked in THAT tone:

"You eating all of those yourself?"

I'm not gonna lie, it still stings a bit despite the chipper "haha I wish" I gave her. But that's what I'm here for. I decided months ago that when the comments came, they'd be a reason to celebrate how far I've come on this weight loss journey.

65 lbs down and 75 lbs to go, r/loseit. I can't wait to see her eat her words in another year.

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I now weigh the least I have since I was 11

Stats: 5'2 (17F) - SW: 140, CW: 123, GW: 110

I'd always been a fairly fat kid, and over the past few months have finally dropped into the healthy BMI range for my height. However, this weight loss was fairly rapid and almost entirely unintentional, and can be contributed to intense exam stress, balancing my job w/ college, a bereavement and various health issues.

I'm really just posting this as a sort of accountability thing. I want to do this the right way from now on. The health issues are being medicated, I am so much closer to a weight I'd be happy with than I ever have been before and even now weigh the least I have since leaving primary school (granted, I've not really grown since then either). Here's to a healthier weight loss journey, with healthier decisions and a healthier outcome 😁

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Teasing because of eating healthy???

First of all, I have been lurking around reading incredible stories and all that comes with the weight loss journey. This seems to be an incredible subreddit full of great advice, encouragement, and a place of learning.

My story: 29 M, 5'9", CW 187. My max weight was 3 years ago at 260. And it has been a slow journey for me. A lot of ups and downs. Something that everyone experiences when trying to lose weight. Well, I'm finally just 7 pounds from my GW of 180.

Anyways, back to the subject... I was actually teased today by some co-workers because of trying to eat healthier lunches. And this blew my mind! I was amazed that people were fixated on my lunch as if it in someway impacted them. 4 people made comments about my lunch, and then when on to teasing about sweets. I was honestly upset with this and brought me down. These are people I consider friends, but yet they sit there and for 30 mins talk about what I chose to eat? And I get it, it was all just play poke fun, but it was really unnecessary. And it just kept going on and on. My lunch was salmon fillets, brussel sprouts, and some small potatoes. And once again, I know this was all just play and fun to them, but honestly kind of upsetting to me. Anyone else experienced this?

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Weight Loss question from The Kitchn

Hi everyone— I'm the staff writer at The Kitchn and am reporting on a stat from a small study conducted in 1959 which we believe to be one of the biggest (most persistent) myths in weight loss . "95 to 98 percent of attempts to lose weight fail and that two-thirds of dieters gain back more than they lost."

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We have reason to believe that while this stat is widely cited, it is not accurate to the weight loss experience in 2019 in the same way that it was in 1959. I would love to talk with few members of the LoseIt subreddit to find out your thoughts. Has this stat affected you in any way? Are you familiar with it? Is it discouraging? Extra motivation? If you're interested in providing insight for this piece, please reply here!

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Seeking advice: Stuck in a 5 month plateau 10 lbs from goal!

Stats: F25, 5'3.5", SW: 215, CW: 140, GW: 130

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Hello everyone! This is my first time posting and I am hoping to get some advice. I was a chubby kid all my life, the last time I weighed what I do now I was 13. I always thought I couldn't ever be a healthy weight because my dad's side of the family are huge people, tall, large calves, feet, etc. and I have a few of their attributes. When I needed 3 brain surgeries at 19 y/o, my weight ballooned up to 215. I started losing weight about 2 years ago when I had a stomach problem that made it hard to eat. It caused me to lose about 20 lbs but once the problem resolved I wanted to keep the weight loss going. I got a job at a doctors office and they had a weight loss program. I started to mimic the program by doing only meal replacement shakes throughout the day and then eating a healthy dinner. I did that off and on for the past 1 year and that is how I lost the bulk of my weight.

I have been stuck since at 140 since at least November. I can't seem to break out of the 143-140 range. I made a deal with my boss so now there is money involved. The deal is that I have to document my weight loss journey on their Facebook, but once I hit my goal weight they will reimburse everything I have paid for weight loss shakes since I started (which over the past year that's totaled up to around $600). The nutritionist at my office advised me to start replacing the shakes with real food and to start exercising more, specifically more weights than cardio. This is the diet and exercise routine I have been following for the past month approximately and have seen almost no change:

Breakfast (8AM): ~1/3 cup steel cut oats with 1/2 tbsp honey & 1 single serve applesauce

10AM: 1 meal replacement shake

Lunch (12PM): 1/4 almonds, 1 colby jack cheese stick, 12-15 grapes

2PM: 1 meal replacement shake:

4PM: 1 meal replacement shake

Gym (5PM, 4-5 days a week): 20-30 min various weights (arms, legs, abs) with 20 min cardio.

Dinner (6:30PM): "lean & green" (veggies and lean meat like chicken or salmon)

Dessert (7:30PM, 1-2 days a week): 1/2 cup Halo Top ice cream or ~1 cup fruit

On the weekend my sleep schedule is weird so diet schedule gets a little weird too. I usually have a cheat day and either drink wine, get frozen yogurt, or have an unhealthy meal like fries and nuggets (but not all on the same day and I try to go to the gym on the day I do those things). My daily diet is around 1200-1300 calories M-F, with a max of around 1800 on weekends. Is my cheat day enough to really break my diet? I go to bed around 9:30PM M-F so maybe I need to readjust my eating/workout schedule so I'm not eating for more than 2 hours before I go to sleep?

I have no idea what I need to try adjusting because I feel like I have tried a lot of things over the past 4 months I have been stuck and none of it works. I take nutrients and supplements but my weight won't budge. The lowest my weight got was 139 in January. I still have fat on my stomach so I know I have a little more I can lose. At this point I almost want to call off the deal with my boss because I am frustrated with being stuck, so I wanted to see if I could get any tips/advice before I call it quits and just maintain where I'm at.

I really appreciate any replies I get!!! :)

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