Sunday, September 30, 2018

When should I tell a potential partner about weight loss/loose skin?

Loose skin

I posted about my loose skin situation the other day.

So I am a 27 year old 171cm (5" 7') tall female. I currently weigh 62kgs (137lbs). I had been overweight through most of my adolescence but through various periods of time within the last 2 years have gone from my heaviest recorded weight of 97kgs (214lbs) to my current weight. I want to lose another 8kgs (18lbs) to get to my goal weight.

I have some insecurities with loose and flabby skin. The flab on my arms and thighs do not bother me that much, but my stomach area is a real issue. I can cover up the pooch with high-waisted underwear. (see pics attached)The photos I uploaded are actually really flattering to how it looks in real life. While I do not have a severe amount of loose skin it is still enough to bother me and it is a lot more obvious when I bend over or lie down.

It was probably a bad decision to try online dating again before being fully confident in my own body but at the time I was in a body positive mood and honestly wasn't looking for anything serious or long-term so I didn't care that much since I wouldn't see the guy again.

I have been talking to a guy for about 3 weeks now.He has wanted to meet up since day 1 but I have deflected every advance.He is a really nice guy and we have been chatting for hours every day.I have avoided meeting him because of my insecurities about my body.I never knew the right time to bring up my weight loss story and as time went on it got harder and harder, especially when he mentioned he's really into fitness. Once he mentioned he was working out extra hard to be in "top physical condition" for me and that just made me even more hesitant to bring up my issue.

I cannot make up excuses anymore to not see him, it's not fair on him, and while I know he is a really nice and compassionate guy, I can't help but feel that revealing my story and my body to him is going to make him run in the other direction and accuse me of cat-fishing (which is what I feel like I've done).

I know I have to bring it up now but I don't know how, and even though I am the only person to blame for getting myself in this position, I am so afraid of rejection.

Any suggestions/advice or similar stories would be much appreciated.

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[Daily Directory] Find your quests for the day here! - Monday, 01 October 2018

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Runner enthisiasts, how do you do it?

I've recently started getting serious about my weight loss and have focused on eating healthier food. Though when the exercise part comes in is where I struggle. I know that you can lose weight without exercising, but I WANT to exercise, specifically running.

I have ran before and Christ does it suck. I never seem to get past that "This currently sucks" barrier and always give up. I also know I could go to the gym and do other stuff that isn't running, but I personally don't like gyms at all, but that's another topic.

Point is, runners who do enjoy it, how and when did you reach the "runner's high". Cause from what I've seen and heard, sounds really nice not panting like a whale after running 10 minutes, you know?

I'm typing this post not only to motivate myself to get my ass up tomorrow but as well as encouragement from those who are more determine than me.

TL;DR: Running sucks and I just want motivation and help from those who achieved what I have yet to accomplish.

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Finally reached my weight loss goal! (F/21)

Last December,I had gone to the Doctor's for a regular check up. Nothing out of the ordinary. The nurse took my measurements and told me to get on the scale. Again, nothing different. Although I had no idea what I weighed. I figured something like 170, 175. NOPE. So I step on the scale... 197. 197 pounds. I had NEVER been so heavy in my life. I had always promised myself that I would never go over 200 lbs (197 is basically 200). And it was at that moment that's something snapped inside of me. It was as if a voice said "OKAY THAT'S IT WE'RE DONE! THIS AINT IT CHIEF!" And for once, I listen to that voice. And so began my long, long, weight loss Journey. Like everyone says, the beginning was hell. Having to cut down my salt and sugar intake was such a pain. I was moody and angry all the time, and exercising just made me sweaty and irritated. It was a CHORE to drink 8 glasses of water a day. I could barely lift my eight lb weights. It was embarrassing how much I had neglected my body (thanks French fries and chocolate😂),and I wanted to give up. But I knew if I did that, the consequences would show. So I kept going. I kept eating right. I kept exercising. I kept lifting weights. When my friends would ask me out to lunch/dinner, I politely declined. When others tried to tell me, "You look great! You don't need to change!" I didn't listen. Because I knew I had to do this for myself. Then it started. The weight began to drop. Bit by bit, pound by pound. I became more flexible,was able to touch my toes. The fat in my arms and legs was becoming less and less. My stomach was becoming flatter. My back fat was becoming non-existent. It was becoming addictive,taking care of my body and seeing the results show. Not only did I look better, but I FELT better. I no longer got headaches, nor did I get winded going up the stairs. It was just...amazing. And as of today,I've finally reached my goal of 150 lbs. I NEVER thought I'd get here. After years of crash/fad diets and trying everything but exercising/eating right,I did it. So for those who are still on your fitness journeys,DON'T GIVE UP! You can fail a million times,but you HAVE to keep trying! It's YOU vs your body,and NO ONE ELSE. And I have faith that you guys will win. ❤

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[Rant] A cruel sad birthday

Today is my birthday. yay...

So I know how many of you face opposition from family on your weight loss journey, mine generally is not helpful but other than eating my expensive stuff, not harmful.

Tonight though was heartbreaking.

Decided to have the family party at home, I can make tacos for everyone with a big taco salad for myself.

That was fine, but then came the cake. My mother and I discussed the cake at length. I was just going to make my own, a nice sugar-free cheesecake for everyone. I have been doing keto for a long time, but I usually just say I am avoiding sugar if anyone asks. My Mother protested, 'you can't make your own birthday cake!'. She then offered to make me a cheesecake. She knows I don't eat sugar, and makes this amazing one-pot cheesecake that takes 5 minutes prep!

I was so happy. I really wanted. A bit of something special for my birthday.

Except, when cake time comes they come out with 2 cakes (how kind and generous). A giant ice cream cake. Ice cream cake is my all time favorite food. I could eat a whole cake myself (and in my bad binge eating days I got literally close). My whole family knows how much I love ice cream cake.

And they put it in front of me, I blow out the candles, and try and pass it off to someone else to cut, no I have to be the one to cut it.

I am feeling sick at this point. I can't eat it. I know moderation is important, but I just can't. I won't be able to stop at one slice, or two. I will sneak into the basement freezer and cut off. Little pieces that I think no one will notice . Except when you have ten little pieces it becomes pretty obvious.

The other cake, store-bought black forest.

I try and step away, get a glass of water. But my mom. Makes me sit back down, in the middle of everyone eating my favorite cake.

So I guess I am a horrible ungrateful person. Those cakes are really expensive. I am sure they thought they were doing something thing nice.

But for me, sitting there, that hurt.

I can't go back to slowly killing myself with food.

Tl;dr : family bought me an expensive cake, I wanted sugar free. I am an ungrateful bitch.

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[SV] 30 Pounds, visualized

Because I'm a big-ass nerd (literally, haha!) I really like to track data on things. I've found that even though some people don't work well by it, I really, really need the daily feedback cycle of weighing and calorie counting in order to feel like I'm getting anywhere.

So, I ripped all the data out of MFP and made a graph, because being able to see the story really makes it real for me. https://imgur.com/a/ER0LtO6

Some notes: I used the MFP goal of "2 pounds per week" weight loss, and it gave me a goal of 2270 calories per day, with my overall activity level set to "very low." I realized pretty early on that I would rather be a bit healthier and lose a little bit faster, so I set myself a mental goal of around 1500 calories per day. Some days i've gone lower, but those seem to result in my overeating the next couple days. When I stay consistent at 1500, I really do see solid results, as you can see in the month of September.


methodology:

I use my fitness pal to track calories and create recipes for the salads and other things I've cooked. It works, but there is a lot of incorrect crap to filter out.

I weigh myself in the morning after I get up and use the toilet, but before I shower. I try to weigh daily, but I don't stress if I can't.


Meal tracking: Breakfasts are almost always 2 packets of Maple & Brown Sugar Oatmeal, for 320 calories. Recently, I've switched to the low-sugar version which cuts it to 240 calories. I'm going to try going down to mixing 1 packet of plain and 1 of the flavored oatmeal soon, which will cut another 40 off the top.

Lunches: Marie Calender and Health Choice have been getting a lot of money from me lately. I know they're higher in sodium than needed, but I really find the convenience of them at work to be worthwhile.

Dinners: Steamed California Blend + 1 cup of Jasmine Rice + 3 oz. of chicken, or a large fresh salad with 1oz of cheese and 1 slice of turkey (chopped up and spread about) with 1 serving of newman's own light balsamic dressing.

I'm also adding a fair amount of hot sauce to things (I'm using Frank's redhot buffalo wing or regular, as neither adds calories and I like both better than straight tabasco).


Social aspects:

I've had to tell my wife to not cook for me at all. She's not willing to lose the weight yet, so while I'm happy providing her with what I prepare, she's always supplementing. However, she's been kind and is MOSTLY keeping the junk food out of the house.

My friends are all supportive, and a bunch of them actually started before me doing the Cray Ray / Penn Gillette crazy potato and whole plants vegan thing. They're having great success, and are supportive of me doing it my way.


Note: I am on a diuretic for blood pressure, even though I am barely into the pre-hypertension category. my boss, who HAS hypertension, tells me he'd be really happy to have blood pressure like mine again.

edited for more details on how I I'm doing things.


I still have a long, LONG way to go. But this is a good start.

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M26 257LB –>187 –>249 how I broke the cycle of unhealthiness, then jumped right back on, my two year warning post weight loss warning.

https://imgur.com/a/JATUJ7f

Left is 2014, middle 2016, and right side today.

I’ll save the first part of my life for you guys, but needless to say it’s probably something a lot of people are familiar with. I found myself at 22 eating fast food nearly every day, stress eating and not moving as much as I should I have. After seeing a massively embarrassing photo of myself(the left one) I decided it was time to change. It was a very slow start, but after more than 6 months of figuring out what a diet is, healthy foods and a good lifting plan, I was able to lose quite a bit of weight. I ate 1800 calories or less per day(the only diet that works, less calories in than out) and alternated 5x5 StrongLifts and running on opposite days. I loved it, I felt hungry a lot, I hated not being able to socialize the same way since food is a massive part of our social culture, but I had accomplished something very hard and was fitting into clothes I never had.

Then I started dating, started a new job, graduated, and over the period of a few months, lost a few of the good habits I’d fought for. Within a year, I’d gained 20 pounds back. I told myself it was only twenty pounds, it was okay, I could fix this. I got married, lost my job, worked part time and tried to finish up my degree while everything I had debt on went into collections. I stress ate left and right, probably more than 4000 calories a day. I ordered large and double of everything, and cooked at home less and less.

I kept weighing myself, and once I gained 30 pounds back I made myself diet again. And work out. And week later I went to McDonald’s and ate away my stress. But that was okay cause the next day I would get back on the horse and cheat meals are okay.

The I had gained 40 pounds back, and I was DEFINITELY going to stick to the diet this time, besides I’d done it before. It was hard but not something I couldn’t accomplish! I meal prepped, worked out on the same schedule, and then two weeks later had lost 4 pounds and my job suddenly became a nightmare and my stress quadrupled and I found myself with the remains of an entire large pizza in front of me and promised myself I’d do better.

This past week, after yet another new job (which is amazing and has it’s stresses, but manageable ones) and months of training for it, and a move to a different state, I hit 249 pounds. I am appalled at myself and disgusted. I gained 52 pounds back that I fought off the first time, and it was all avoidable. I feel awful, my energy level is terrible, I can’t move, and I can’t fit into any of my clothes since I got rid of my fat clothes years ago.

So here’s the warning to everyone here- do not ever get complacent. Every pound that you lose is something that you poured time and energy and sacrifice into. Don’t let life take over to the point you get lazy and gain it back. You’re here for a reason, and losing weight for a reason. Don’t be like me, and instead manage your stresses and social life in a way that allows you control over your eating and weight. Don’t make excuses, and own your failures. You’ll never get back on track tomorrow, it’s always a lie. Every calorie counts, and every workout you skip. Life is better when you’re healthy, and you’ll realize it far too late.

As for me, I have gotten back on track because I have no other options. I’m back to my 1600 calories a day and StrongLifts, and in 6-9 months I’ll be hopefully back to the weight I was at several years ago. I am happily married, and we are expecting a kid in a few months, and I refuse to be the dad that doesn’t take responsibility for his personal failures. I’ll be back on here in a few months to update you all on progress.

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