Today is my birthday. yay...
So I know how many of you face opposition from family on your weight loss journey, mine generally is not helpful but other than eating my expensive stuff, not harmful.
Tonight though was heartbreaking.
Decided to have the family party at home, I can make tacos for everyone with a big taco salad for myself.
That was fine, but then came the cake. My mother and I discussed the cake at length. I was just going to make my own, a nice sugar-free cheesecake for everyone. I have been doing keto for a long time, but I usually just say I am avoiding sugar if anyone asks. My Mother protested, 'you can't make your own birthday cake!'. She then offered to make me a cheesecake. She knows I don't eat sugar, and makes this amazing one-pot cheesecake that takes 5 minutes prep!
I was so happy. I really wanted. A bit of something special for my birthday.
Except, when cake time comes they come out with 2 cakes (how kind and generous). A giant ice cream cake. Ice cream cake is my all time favorite food. I could eat a whole cake myself (and in my bad binge eating days I got literally close). My whole family knows how much I love ice cream cake.
And they put it in front of me, I blow out the candles, and try and pass it off to someone else to cut, no I have to be the one to cut it.
I am feeling sick at this point. I can't eat it. I know moderation is important, but I just can't. I won't be able to stop at one slice, or two. I will sneak into the basement freezer and cut off. Little pieces that I think no one will notice . Except when you have ten little pieces it becomes pretty obvious.
The other cake, store-bought black forest.
I try and step away, get a glass of water. But my mom. Makes me sit back down, in the middle of everyone eating my favorite cake.
So I guess I am a horrible ungrateful person. Those cakes are really expensive. I am sure they thought they were doing something thing nice.
But for me, sitting there, that hurt.
I can't go back to slowly killing myself with food.
Tl;dr : family bought me an expensive cake, I wanted sugar free. I am an ungrateful bitch.
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