Thursday, September 27, 2018

I'm "on track" but feel so miserable

My stats are: f, 5'11'', 256 pounds (down from 268), 28 y/o

So about a month ago I decided that I wanted to lose weight. I started logging everything I ate on an app (I calculated my tdee and have been using that as a guide), and began drinking 2L+ of water daily (and cut out soda). I did this for the first few weeks, and last week I decided to start a gym to really get my weight loss going. So far I have lost 12 pounds, but more importantly I have begun to eat more mindfully. I can actually sense when I'm full and don't feel the urge to binge eat because I am keeping myself satiated throughout the day. In general, this has been a positive process so far but lately I feel so fucking miserable. I see how far I have to go, and it is so discouraging. I see people at the gym running on the treadmill while I can barely jog. I see other girls who have normal bodies and I know I will always look disgusting, even if I lose my weight because I will get excess skin. Basically, I am just so disgusted with myself every single day. I wake up sad because I'm in such a gross body, I avoid looking at any mirrors throughout my day, and I don't interact with people unless it's necessary because I feel bad that they have to look at me. I'm currently single and I know it's because of my body, so even though it's a struggle going to the gym, I remind myself that if I ever want love or a partner I HAVE to go there or else I will most likely die alone with no friends, or love. I am really trying to lose weight, I'm doing well, and keeping on track, but it's SO hard to fight the urge to just starve myself so I can lose weight faster (I have to tell myself this will just lead to a binge and undo ALL my work). I am at a loss, I know I just have to keep going and "trust the process" but I am so sad all the time. Does anyone have advice on how to combat this, or has anyone ever been in this place and managed to overcome it?

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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Oi3Kya

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