I've been fat/ugly all my life, you know the deal. I got motivated in December and from Dec - Aug I lost 60 lbs. I did it mostly by diet, because I actually really don't enjoy exercise at all (surprise, surprise) and the times I would do it, I just felt miserable and exhausted and like I was doing a punishment.
I didn't feel much different than before, and if you asked me, I looked the same too (although I guess you can tell a difference with side by side photos). I can fit into smaller clothes but it doesn't feel as good as I imagined.
I won't say that those six months were torture per se, but that's not too far off. I stuck to a healthy diet and counted every calorie. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't particularly good either.
To make matters worse, I have a huge binge-eating disorder. If I even have one piece of food that I really like, it's over for me. My willpower vanishes and seventeen servings later I'm immobile.
I went from obese class 3 to just overweight. But September things kind of fell apart. I felt like I enjoyed eating more than I enjoyed having the weight off and I've been eating a ton. It's also no consolation to know that I have no way to manage my bingeing, and the only way I can see being able to maintain a healthy lifestyle is if I cut out everything I love due to a lack of self control.
I don't want to choose that lifestyle though. I know that being healthy is the right way to live.
It's probably worth mentioning but I suffer from PTSD as well as depression & anxiety (I'm in therapy) and it just feels like so few things in life make me happy. Food, at least temporarily, gives me a feeling that everything is going to be okay. I feel like I'm always managing so many negative things at once: trying to enjoy my job, trying to enjoy my living space, trying to save money, and it's like, how much more do I have to sacrifice? I can't imagine a life of moderation.
Another factor playing into this is that I paid $50 a month for 6 months to do this weight loss challenge. I was supposed to make it to 163. The last 3-4 weeks I plateaued at 165 and I lost the challenge. This devastated me, it's like no matter how much I try at anything I just always fall short.
I would honestly do surgery to remove my taste buds forever.
I don't want to gain the weight back, and I know it can happen fast. I need some kind of encouragement that life is still worth living without all of the basic pleasures of life, lol.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2OkQSHA
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