Hello
Literally since the day I was born I have been overweight. I was born with excess weight and I was never normal, transitioned from chubby to obese around what 5th grade and there I stayed. Needless to stay, this had a huge impact on my life in general and mental health. I became very introverted, depressed, and developed all the social skills of a door, to the point where my only friend in school was my cousin.
A year or two ago I decided I would change, and had a consultation with a dietitian, had measurements taken, goals set, and was supplied with a plan that detailed exactly what to eat on what meals, things like "no more than three spoons of rice or pasta", an apple or some saltwater cookies at 3pm etc.
It worked pretty well, and I went from 90kg to 80kg in the course of a month or two, and I felt better than ever. This weight loss combined with me getting my first inhaler (I am asthmatic but I didn't have an inhaler until I was 18) turned me into a new person. I would usually run for 30 minutes at the gym, something I thought it was impossible to do since I could barely handle 2 minutes before I couldn't even breathe anymore. Of course it was too good to last.
Can't even remember why or how I stopped, but I stopped losing weight, and then putting it back on. Had other periodic consultations, and my weight went up and down, before I crashed completely and went back to 90. I have since then juggled a lot, going at most back to 85kg and then bouncing back to 93kg. Feels like these past two years have been nothing except this, getting motivated, trying again, and failing. I tried following the last plan I received from the dietitian, I tried tracking calories with MFP, and all in all, it went nowhere. Usually it works for a week or so, and then this endless crave for fat or sugary food surges back and I lose it all.
So now I am 21, 90kg once more, maned up a month ago and decided to have another consultation on a different doctor to ask for help. He gave very good suggestions and plans, most of which I ignored, again, did it properly for one week, but after a week of small portions of rice, lettuce and such, cracked and went back to a diet that includes Fast food something like 4 times a week. My next consultation is scheduled for day 11, where I will have to face the doctor and tell him that I did no progress at all.
I don't know at this point whether this is venting or asking for some miracle advice. I tried counting calories, but my family is very much against it, seeing it as nitpicky (if you're wondering, yes, we are all overweight, down to the cat and the dog), and I have a difficult time at just using the scale, and fail at eyeballing it since I don't have the slightest clue of how much food I have by looking at it on the plate. I feel embarrassed just saying this, but despite being 21 I am completely dependant on them for food since I live at home while going to college, so lunch and dinner are whatever is on the table when I get home.
My main issue is that I have essentially no willpower to speak off, just walking by a coffee shop is enough for me to crack, go inside and get a pastry, and that I seemingly always have this urge to eat, not hunger mind you, I don't think I've been hungry for months, but I am always, always craving food, even right after a major meal. I keep shouting to myself mentally during the entire process of going to get fast food, during and after, feeling like shit, and immediately craving more.
I'm sorry for the whining, but I feel like I needed to do this.
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