Why is it so hard to accept my weight change??

I started my weight loss journey this January and I've lost 39 pounds since then and I'm starting to realize the changes but I can't accept them.

Every time I look at old pictures of myself before and compare it to now I can physically see changes but I can't find it in myself to accept and appreciate my changes, I still have a long ways to go before I get to my goal weight but I'm not sure even when I do get to that goal I still won't accept myself.

I always thought the whole saying that goes something like "you can take the person out of the fat but you can never take the fat out of the person" or something like that and I always thought it was a bunch of BS but I think I'm starting to understand now.

I just don't understand how to love myself, I can very visibly see my physical changes compared to old pictures of myself but I keep thinking that the changes are barely visible and I just want to be able to accept it.

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I think I'm done trying to lose weight.

From the title of this post, I'm sure it doesn't seem like something that would ever belong in this sub, and what I'm about to write is very lengthy, but I didn't really know where else to post this and I'd appreciate some opinions from people here.

I never thought I'd be making a post like this, but here goes. I am 21F, 5'5", and about 135 pounds. I am fully aware I'm already at a healthy weight, but my current weight is the result of a 15-pound gain in the span of only about a year since I stopped exercising post-covid, which is why I was trying for years to lose those 15 pounds, or at least some of it, again. I have a very complicated and tough relationship with tracking my calories and setting a daily budget. But at the end of the day, all it has caused is my weight to yo-yo without it ever actually going down. It made me miserable, caused me to miss out on fun events with my friends (because I had to "save my calories" instead of "wasting" them on those special occasions), and my willpower is quite weak when it comes to food so I would always fall into a cycle of staying consistent for a week, then snapping at the end of the week and binging, and then beating myself up for the next several days.

I stopped counting my calories a few weeks ago after realizing that I was putting myself through these constant cycles of misery for nothing because I wasn't even actually losing weight. And honestly, it's the happiest I've been mentally in a long time. It's such a huge burden off my shoulders to not have to constantly think about how many calories are in this meal and instead just give myself the freedom to eat what I want, when I want. No more feeling like I have to save up for a treat, and no more punishing myself or feeling guilty if I go over my daily budget because I have no daily budget. And now I feel like I can freely have fun with my friends when special occasions come up without thinking about the calories involved. Even though I hate counting calories, I have found that I can love exercise, so these past few weeks I have been trying to incorporate more exercise and cardio into each day, but not necessarily for weight loss, just to get more physical activity and improve my overall health. I still weigh myself daily, and my weight seems to have more or less plateaued around here.

To be honest, I'm still not obsessed with the way I look right now. I was looking at some old pictures, and I have to admit, I do miss those years before I gained this weight when my face was a lot slimmer and I didn't have extra deposits of fat in my hips, arms, and thighs. After all, those are the very things I was trying to lose by losing this weight. I still have a lot of buried self-hatred toward my body and confidence issues that I need to work on, but for now, I'm doing my best to accept myself as I am.

Maybe one day I will try to pick this back up. Or maybe I will fall back into the sports I used to love and end up naturally losing the weight I've been trying to lose all this time. But for now, I think I'm going to put this on hold. No more restricting calories, and I will continue trying to incorporate that exercise into each day like I am now. After all, I'm healthy, and I'm a hell lot happier now too. I hope I'm making the right decision for the long run, but at least for now, it's felt so much better.

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It’s hard to accept that I will have to eat like this for the rest of my life or gain the weight back.

During the process of weight loss, I started to realize how dependent on food I was to cope with my emotions and past trauma, and how much I relied on binge eating to numb myself which I am currently going to therapy for. I also realized how much I enjoyed the taste of crappy, sugary or greasy food.

I keep thinking to myself: ‘yes, I can do this for a month or two, hell, maybe even a year but eventually I want to eat my favorite foods again and I don’t want to eat only a controlled portion of it because I want unlimited amounts of junk food and I love the feeling of being painfully full since it makes me feel safely numb.’

I find it difficult to accept that I will have to diet for the rest of my life or all of this hard work and exercise and deprivation will be for nothing.

And no, I’m not the type of person who can simply have two cookies or just one cheeseburger and move on with their day. I want to have the entire pizza and the entire sleeve of cookies and the entire box of donuts. I find it easier to cut these foods out than to try to include them within my calories because that would lead to sadness that I can’t have more of it. I was only ever successful doing diets like low carb or keto because it cuts out all the foods that drive me to overconsume.

I’ve successfully went from 250 lbs to around 100-108 lbs (I’m 5 ft tall) in a year and have been mostly maintaining unhealthily by binging for 3-4 days and then getting back on the diet for a week so that the weekly average balances towards maintenance. I mostly just want to say fuck it and binge because I’m always obsessing over junk food and it plagues my thoughts every moment of every day, it requires so much will power to eat at my tdee and I think about chocolate and pasta all the time.

I would like to eat my tdee and add in some more healthy carbs and maybe overindulge and eat one unhealthy meal a week, but then I get sad about not being able to eat more and I binge.

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3 Month Check In

Made post three months ago to start off my weight loss effort. TLDR did not lose weight but lessons learned, need to stay on top of CICO and tracking of calories.

Getting back on the loseit wagon today. Would appreciate any additional tips others may have. Posting here to give myself a bit more accountability.

- CICO works but only if you are consistent with it (well duh). When I started with MyFitnessPal, it was fairly easy to use and helped me truly see calories and food volume. The biggest thing that helped me with CICO is the simple act of quickly asking myself, do you really want to eat XYZ understanding that it will take me over the daily calorie limit. I was losing pound to two pounds a week consistently for about a month or two. It was working well. Where I failed was complacency/consistency. After using the app for a bit, I started feeling confident that I had a process down and stopped tracking. It was a slippery slope as I started slipping in an extra cookie here and there, getting a second helping for dinner, increasing my snack amount in a tiny bit. The moment I stopped tracking is where it all fell apart.

- CICO and MyFitnessPal helped me heavily reduce my alcohol intake. Was a person who was having 2-3 drinks a night out of habit while cooking. When I started tracking the calories, I began thinking through, would you prefer a bit more of dinner or have that extra drink? The drinking is now reduced to 0-1 drink a night.

- I stopped CICO tracking on big exercise days. I'm an avid cyclist and would have big days on the bike (6-10 hours). On these days, I told myself that these are to be cheat days and I should go nuts on food and not track. The following day, I would still have high than normal hunger and then I would tell myself its okay to not track again. This became a pattern and added to the lack of tracking mentioned above.

As of this morning, I am back on MyFitnessPal and using my lessons learned to start up again.

​

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Screw Freelee The Banana Girl!

I’m just honestly realizing what I’ve been dealing with. It’s honestly not until the last 2 years or so that I ever actually felt satiated and normal. I’ve been plateaued for about a year, except for a 12 pound weight loss stint being low carb, and I retained about 5-7 pounds of that weight loss.

With some research and review of my symptoms, I’m 100% sure that I’m having blood sugar issues and that’s why my weight hasn’t gone down despite being in a 500-1000 daily calorie deficit. (Yes, I measured everything down to the gram).

I was so burnt out that I ate a bunch of sugary sweets, which I haven’t done in a very long time, as they were brought from a guest visiting and some goody bags from a party my partner went to recently. I felt so off, and the entire following week I was constantly ravenous, no matter how much I ate.

I’ve decided to go much lower with my carb intake, really up my protein intake, and use stuff that helps to stabilize blood sugar. I created a protocol and started following it 2 days ago and I feel SO MUCH BETTER. Way less lethargy. A lot more energy, less brain fog. Huge difference. My waist has been smaller when I wake up, and I can feel my body mobilizing the fat now (idk about you, but I can always feel it. It’s like a feeling of energy all over my body). So, I’m going to stick with this for a bit and see what happens, so wish me luck! But yeah, the whole Freelee the banana girl thing? Idk if you know who she is, but…

I was thinking about it, trying to understand what went wrong, and I remembered that I went vegan and started following her “diet” when I was 19, and was a strict vegan for 5 years. If you know anything about her, you’d know that she promotes a high carb diet where you eat incalculably massive quantities of food. I’m talking 10 bananas, 10 mangos, or 4.5 cups of rice or potatoes in one sitting. No matter how much I ate, I would be hungry in 20 minutes-an hour. Being told I don’t even need to THINK about protein because the WHO said only 3-5% of cals need to come from protein. So, now, knowing what I know now, I’m realizing that for FIVE YEARS of my life, my blood sugar was going crazy and wildly unstable, constantly hungry, eating a pound of pasta at night. And get this—turns out I have celiac! And half of the vegan meat substitutes are 100% pure gluten. So I would eat an entire package of gluten “sausages” in one sitting because I’d become accustomed to such high quantities and was being told that high carb was a good thing. I went from 145 pounds to 200 pounds in those 5 years, and I think it messed with my blood sugar hard core and caused a whole lot of health issues that I’m now having to pick up the pieces. So, I’m mad that I’m in this situation in the first place, thanks to my naïveté combined with the banana b**** and her HORRIBLE advice. Pretty much the opposite of what someone needs to lose weight.

But, at least now I’m seeing through it and I can actually do something about it, but that woman is an absolute abomination to the internet in every way.

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How Effective is walking for weight loss

Hype on social media is rampant about the effects of walking for weight loss, but I’m skeptical. As someone who runs regularly, including long distance, I find the weight loss effects are minimal, so I’m struggling to believe that walking is the answer I’m looking for. I appreciate it is less stressful on the body and that I should therefore be able to do it for longer, and more often. However, if I wanted to match the calories I burn whilst running, over an average week, I would have to walk for hours every day, which doesn’t seem feasible. So I wanted to see if anyone out there can vouch for the power of walking, and if so, how often they do it and for how long, and what weight loss they see on a weekly basis.

(I realise this will be different for everyone, but it will be interesting to see what people say. Also, I realise exercise is only a part of the equation and diet is the key factor for weight loss. I am fairly good at keeping to a calorie deficit.)

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32F, 5’3”, 129lbs, body recomp advice?

(TW: disordered eating; drug abuse)

Hoping for some advice here! I’m in the UK, if it matters.

So I’ve always been on the heavier side since I was a kid, finally got into the gym at 18 and then got into lifting at 21, started taking it a lot more seriously at around 25. I struggled with bulimia at 21 for about six months and my relationship with food has never really been the same since; I binged a lot when I was a kid and always hated my body, but once I’d lost some decent weight, perversely I got more obsessed and anxious about it.

My weight has been up and down throughout that time but I seriously piled it on during the first lockdown - I got up to 163lbs before I finally stepped on the scales and was like OH SHIT. Through calorie tracking, upping my cardio and lifting heavier, I got down to 132lbs just before hitting 30 in January 2022. I’d been diagnosed with ADHD a few months before that; I started on Elvanse (Vyvanse in the US) the following month.

I dropped another 16lbs very quickly, leaving me with a lot of loose skin; I had zero appetite and insane amounts of energy, doing x2 high intensity spin sessions, x1 PT session and x1 solo lift per week, plus dance classes and walking at least 12,000 steps/day. My eating was pretty solid, when I remembered to eat - I was hitting around 1,800 calories a day, but often below. Weirdly, my relationship with food was really solid at that time - I didn’t freak out about cheat meals or anything, I was often starving hungry because my activity level was so high so I figured I needed the extra fuel.

Long story short, turns out stimulants are very not good for me and I ended up having an extended hypomanic episode, with at least one major nervous breakdown in March 2023. My marriage imploded around the same time. I was in denial that the stims were making me sick, so I carried on taking them until the global shortage caught up with me in November 2023 and I stopped taking them. I also just… stopped doing anything. The binge eating came back in full force and I was so depressed I couldn’t peel myself off the sofa. Everything just went… soft.

I’m finally starting to feel a lot better (thank you, SSRIs) and ready to get back out there. I weighed myself today and I’m at 129lbs, which is okay for my height, but I have a massive gut that I’m desperate to get rid of. Sadly I am genetically predisposed to carry weight in my midsection, thanks family 🙄 I had very low body fat and was super ripped on Elvanse, but a lot of people now tell me that I looked unwell. I still think I looked fabulous, but I’m trying to make my leave with the fact that it’s not worth being back on speed - 2023 was by far the worst year of my life, and I never want to get back there.

I’m aiming to get back to the x2 spin/x2 lift - I’m going back to my old PT to really busy my ass. My question is, if I want to focus on recomp more than weight loss (obviously I would love to see the number go down on the scale, but I really just want to be slimmer), how should I go about shooting for that with my nutrition? Because of my history of disordered eating I try not to go too crazy tracking macros, although I know I need to be whacking up the protein. My TDEE for maintenance is coming out at 1,960 - I’d like to shoot for 1,800 but not sure if this is too much? I have a healthy appetite, ha.

Sorry for the long read but any input gratefully received!

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