It’s hard to accept that I will have to eat like this for the rest of my life or gain the weight back.

During the process of weight loss, I started to realize how dependent on food I was to cope with my emotions and past trauma, and how much I relied on binge eating to numb myself which I am currently going to therapy for. I also realized how much I enjoyed the taste of crappy, sugary or greasy food.

I keep thinking to myself: ‘yes, I can do this for a month or two, hell, maybe even a year but eventually I want to eat my favorite foods again and I don’t want to eat only a controlled portion of it because I want unlimited amounts of junk food and I love the feeling of being painfully full since it makes me feel safely numb.’

I find it difficult to accept that I will have to diet for the rest of my life or all of this hard work and exercise and deprivation will be for nothing.

And no, I’m not the type of person who can simply have two cookies or just one cheeseburger and move on with their day. I want to have the entire pizza and the entire sleeve of cookies and the entire box of donuts. I find it easier to cut these foods out than to try to include them within my calories because that would lead to sadness that I can’t have more of it. I was only ever successful doing diets like low carb or keto because it cuts out all the foods that drive me to overconsume.

I’ve successfully went from 250 lbs to around 100-108 lbs (I’m 5 ft tall) in a year and have been mostly maintaining unhealthily by binging for 3-4 days and then getting back on the diet for a week so that the weekly average balances towards maintenance. I mostly just want to say fuck it and binge because I’m always obsessing over junk food and it plagues my thoughts every moment of every day, it requires so much will power to eat at my tdee and I think about chocolate and pasta all the time.

I would like to eat my tdee and add in some more healthy carbs and maybe overindulge and eat one unhealthy meal a week, but then I get sad about not being able to eat more and I binge.

submitted by /u/Massive_Natural_3617
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