I'm sorry, this post is all over the place. I'm very upset right now because I weighed myself and turns out I weigh 4 kilograms more than I had thought. Again.
I don't understand how to do it. I feel like my weight is a monster that's locked in a cage, and it's raging and trying to break it - and I have to repair the cage all the time to not let it out but all I have is shitty duct tape. I've been yo-yoing since I was a kid. Every time I gain back the weight I gain back more than I have lost. I feel so hopeless. My highest weight now is 10 kg more than it was 5 years ago and it feels like it's just going to go up and up and up until I become very obese and die of a heart attack at 40.
Yo-yoing is all I know. I have never maintained the same weight for more than a few months. I hear everyone saying "it has to be a lifestyle change, not a quick fix", but I literally cannot comprehend what this could possibly mean. Going up and down is my lifestyle. Even if I succeed in losing weight I always, always, always fail to maintain it: it's always going up and down.
Now that I think about it - every time I actually lost weight, it wasn't even my achievement. Almost every time I lost weight it was because of outside factors, like medications that killed my appetite or me losing appetite because of the summer heat.
What do I have to do? I don't know what to do to succeed. I feel like a fat disgusting pig that shouldn't be allowed near food because they can't control themselves. I don't even binge anymore - I just eat until I feel full and when I feel hungry. I don't have functioning hunger and satiety cues because of ADHD & autism so I can't even rely on my body.
I know that I get fatter because I eat too much and that it's down to CICO, but how on earth am I supposed to get up everyday, not be late for school, learn and do assignments, have a functioning social life, survive on the bare minimum of money, do endless chores, save money, exercise consistently, and on top of that ALWAYS cook my own food and ALWAYS keep a diary of every single little thing I eat? Is that what it being a lifestyle means?
Edit: thank you everyone for your kind replies. You pushed me in the right direction and made it feel less hopeless.
To the people who downvote - I really hope someone is nicer to you when you're at your lowest and want to curl up in a ball and cease existing.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/uF1PAJT
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