THIS IS A LONG POST, AND IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ANY OF THE BACKGROUND INFO, SKIP DIRECTLY TO THE HEADING TITLED "HOW I TURNED THINGS AROUND." I REALLY TRIED TO KEEP IT AS SHORT AS POSSIBLE BUT I AM NOT CONCISE WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING, SO I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE!
A little bit of background on me first:
My highest weight was 320 pounds three and a half(ish) years ago and I was just nineteen. I was suffering from binge eating disorder and decided to have weight loss surgery (WLS) to help me. I got the vertical sleeve (VSG) in December of that year. The day of my WLS, I was 298 pounds after having been on a liquid diet for three weeks. Following my VSG, I lost the weight very quickly and got down to the unhealthy weight (I am five feet seven and I have a big bone structure) of 143 pounds. And I was ready to keep it going. I wasn't sure what my end goal was, I just knew I wanted to go even lower, and then lower, and then lower... As I was losing weight, binge eating disorder slowly morphed into orthorexia and that slowly morphed into atypical anorexia (the only thing I was missing to be diagnosed as officially anorexic was the BMI). I went from eating balanced healthy meals in small portions to eating low-carb to only subsiding on six protein bars a day. I'll be honest, it's a miracle that I even managed to study and pass all of my finals when I was doing that. There's also more to it, but it isn't relevant for now.
How everything went downhill and the aftermath:
What I was doing was not sustainable and I went abroad to visit family members that summer. One of them was particularly concerned for my well-being as I was close to fainting all the time according to her and I wasn't given the option of not eating actual food and it went OK for the most part. Getting me to eat some things was a battle at times, but I actually started feeling better and had more energy. Anyways, after visiting those relatives I went to visit some people that I knew in a different country, and that week was pure hell for reasons that I won't go into. I came back broken and I fell back into binge eating. The next two years marked a cycle of yo-yo dieting, doing good for a few days and then falling back into eating whatever the hell I wanted, when I wanted.>! That also marked the beginning of a cycle of me trying to control my weight with diuretics that I had gotten abroad without a prescription (some pharmacies in other countries will turn a blind eye and give you what you ask for if you pay the money, and it's something I had done several times by then and I knew exactly what to say) and then eating like crap again until I was caught by my parents after four or five months of doing it. !<
I traveled back to visit the same relatives a year later, but I had decided that I would make an effort and I was more conscious of the way I behaved around my relatives and food. I chose not to turn food into a big deal and just went with the flow. I also decided to join a gym while I was there and I fell in love with going to the gym. I came back and continued going to the gym so that even though my eating habits weren't the best (and even at times horrible), I wasn't gaining weight and I felt better mentally.
How I turned things around:
I was doing better mentally and decided that I was ready to do more than just go to the gym. I started meal-prepping low-carb meals that I like (taco salads and big mac salads) and I realized that I needed to stop dieting. What I mean by that is that I needed to stop restricting because it's restriction that makes me fall into a vicious cycle of restricting and binging. I had been in therapy for a while at that point and I started working on it with my therapist even more.
Next, I upped my water intake by a lot, almost doubling it, because 85% of the time, I'm not hungry but actually thirsty. I have also done my best to remind myself that eating on a schedule isn't necessary if my body doesn't feel hungry and I try my best to live by the saying "Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full." It doesn't always work, but I have it down about 90% of the time. Moreover, I did my best to stop thinking about food as an "all or nothing" kind of situation. What I mean by that is that, even if I eat one sweet or one "bad" thing during the day, I remind myself that not all is lost.
This next thing is what truly helped, though, and I realize that it may be unconventional. I have started listening to a weight loss hypnosis every night when I go to sleep. This isn't the first time I use hypnosis and it's easy for me to go into a state of hypnosis, so it began working on me after a few days. I still eat what I want when I am hungry, but my appetite has significantly decreased. I also feel the restriction from my VSG more easily and much quickly, and I have more energy. This may be a coincidence, however sweets have additionally lost their appeal and they actually make me feel nauseous. This is unconventional, I'll admit, but this has been my biggest help.
Furthermore, being quarantined has helped out quite a bit because I can no longer just order takeout whenever I feel like it and I have stopped craving it. If I am hungry, I either eat what my mother has cooked or I make something for myself. Again, I do find that I am more thirsty than hungry so I do drink a lot of water. Another thing with being quarantined is that it has actually forced me to confront my emotions head-on and it's been tough, but needed; it was very easy to just run away from my emotions and find comfort in food before the quarantine, but it isn't so easy now.
I no longer exercise much and I simply walk outside with my dog when I can and, as much as I miss working out, I now realize that it was giving me a false sense of security as far as eating like crap went because it had turned my mindset into the mindset of "I can eat whatever I want and however much of it I want as long as I exercise." Now that I have taken a break from working out, I am able to see that it isn't how things go and I am having an easier time staying on track now.
I take a lot of progression pictures and I have also set up a system to ensure that I stay consistent: every time I hit a milestone with my weight loss, I allow myself to buy something that I really want or do something that I really want to do and it's keeping me motivated. The fact that my self-esteem has gone higher is also a good enough motivator to keep me on track.
I apologize once again for how long that is, but I just figured that I'd share some of the things that have been helping me. I realize that hypnosis may be unconventional and it isn't for everyone, but it has played a huge role in kickstarting my weight loss once again.
