Background: I (M/30/5'11''/215lbs) have struggled with body dysmorphia my entire life. I was a really chubby kid in middle school and the mentality has followed me throughout my life. In high school I started to work out and participate in activities like BJJ that did help my weight but in my mind I was still quite fat. When i look at pictures back then I think to myself "wow I wish i was that small today".
Briefly in 2012 I got in fantastic shape. I was in a unique situation where i only worked on the weekends doing a physical labor job. My weeks were just spent 2 hours a day every day at a crossfit gym. In about 6 months I completely transformed myself and got in the best shape I ever was able to achieve (about 185lbs). This was also when I realized I had body dysmorphia because I can remember thinking that i was still fat until I saw a picture and realized I had abs. I couldn't really comprehend it.
Unfortunately, this body didn't last long. I've always had a few issues with a lower back problem that has prevented me from being able to do some key lifts like deadlift and squats. The injury began to get worse over time and eventually just became so bad I had to stop lifting and seek physical therapy. I was able to receive some help and relief but that was basically the last time I was able to take the gym seriously. I tried going back a few times to a normal gym (non-crossfit workouts) but I was really unmotivated and unable to really enjoy them. I also hated that I seemed to be unable to find a good routine that didn't somehow upset my lower back.
Now fast forward to today, I'm probably in the fattest point of my life. All of my fat has accumulated around my abdomen and I've been losing the fight against it for some time. As far as working out goes I started riding my bike to work (3x a week, 15 miles round trip) and doing a weekend ride (20 mile ride) as well. I thought this would be a good amount of exercise as a baseline to encourage weight loss. For my diet I've used the food trackers. My rough TDEE is something like 2300/cal and I always set my trackers for 1800. During the week i have no problem hitting these goals. I eat oatmeal/bran cereal in the morning. Lunch is typically a Trader Joes Salad, and dinner is some variation of "veggie and rice bowl w/ a vegetarian protein". We do eat things like burritos and pasta for dinner but i always ensure that i hit that 1800cal goal with my tracker. Naturally I assume I'm not always spot on but give or take 100 cal of a 500 cal deficit doesn't seem like it should completely destroy me.
My weak spot is definitely treats but I attempt to curb this by: 1. Eating only a small amount (like 2 small Dark Choc PB cups from trader joes in the evening) or low cal (Jello and Cool Whip) 2. Eating things like a donut or pancakes on the weekend.
It always seems like I will make some progress, stick to only 1 cheat meal a weekend but after 2-3 weeks the wheels come off and I just completely ignore what I eat during the weekend. I think i have it in my mind that if I keep my weekdays clean then the weekend is free real estate. I've counted those calories and rarely does it amount to more than 3,000 cal on my worst day during a weekend.
I know that if I went insanely strict, only eating chicken and broccoli (or some variation of), oatmeal, and salads every day I could probably see results relatively soon but I also know that would be completely unobtainable long term. I love sweets and I want to be able to enjoy them.
I just want to figure out a way to lose 20lbs in a healthy way that doesn't completely upend my entire lifestyle. A way where I can still enjoy the things I like without giving up everything to lose those lbs. Does anyone out here have any experience in a diet regime that doesn't limit you in such a way that it's not really maintainable for long periods of time?
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