It's been 2 whole years since I started losing weight. I started back in October of 2019, and now it's 2021, and I can't believe what I look like now. Sometimes I look at a pic of myself from back then and think wow, how'd I ever manage to let myself get this bad.
There was never a time when I wasn't fat. I was big as a kid, I was bigger in middle school, I was huge in highschool, and the worst I ever was was from college up until now. My weight really affected me socially in many ways that's really hurts to think about when I look back on it. I had only a few friends, some I'm really lucky to still have today, but I never had the social circle that everyone else had because I was really shy and ashamed about my weight and the way I looked. I missed out on things like parties, opportunities to hang out with friends, I never went to a single school sports game or dance, I've never been out to a club, I've never been out drinking with friends, Ive never been to a concert, I've never just gone to the beach with friends, I've never been on a date, never had a girlfriend or really any romantic from anyone at all. Now that I'm writing this all out, it kinda stings a bit more than I expected. All because I was ashamed of myself and the way that I looked. My life consisted of going to school, coming home, eating, playing videogames or watching tv, sleeping, then getting up to do the same thing the next day. There's so much of life that I refused to or wasn't able to take part in because of how fat I was, or how ashamed of myself I was.
And that was the thing, I realized now that I had two different problems going on. My actual weight, and the shame that I had for the way I looked. They go hand in hand, but cause different problems. There's tons of fat guys, even bigger than I was, who have done all of the things I said I missed out on, but never had the shame that led them to withdraw socially like I did. And there's tons of normal looking people who are slightly bigger or smaller than they'd like to be, or have other body issues, but have the intense shame that I had, enough to not participate in life. It's a physical and mental problem, the weight and the actual shame from the way you look. It eats at you physically and mentally, and attacks from all sides. I was getting bigger, and that only caused my shame to grow.
I was dealing with both, and I was tired of missing out on so much life. I went on a cruise with family in Oct 2019, and didn't really do anything but eat and walk around. Everyone was laughing, drinking, meeting new people. And I was to ashamed to do anything else. After that cruise, I decided I had enough of living life being ashamed of who I was, and decided to try my best to lose the weight, so I could be proud of myself.
I was 440lbs when I first started my journey. It was weird now that I think about it. I hadn't stepped on a scale in years, and had absolutely no idea how much I weighed or how bad I had gotten. When I saw that number, I didn't get scared, I wasn't angry or shocked. I just chuckled and said "haha, yeah". It was that kind of reaction you have when someone tells you to help them finish moving their things from their old apartment to a new one, and that they only have a few things left. Only for you to show up and see that it's basically the whole apartment, and you know you have a long day ahead of you, and you have no way of bailing. It's was just my reaction to accepting reality.
From the jump, I started omad and Keto. Honestly, after the first few weeks of getting used to it, it was actually pretty easy. I did lazy keto, so I wasn't so concerned with my macros of protein and fat, as long as I kept my carbs below like 30g. I stayed away from most processed foods, especially those foods that have keto friendly written all over them. I tried my best to stick with meats, vegetables, and cheeses. Lost of grilled foods, steaks, chicken, pork, eggs, salads, broccoli, avocados. As long as it was a meat and a vegetable, It was on the menu for me. I learned how to cooked perfect french style eggs, ribs, grilled chicken, sous vide some nice steaks. It really is more expensive than living of tons of processed foods like cookies, crackers, bread, tons of packaged foods and things like that. Living healthy isn't cheap!
As for exercise, I actually didn't do much until like April 2020. I started going on an hour bike ride around my neighborhood about 3 times a week. Nothing too intense. It really made me see that losing weight is 90% diet.Exercise is very good for you, and everyone should do whatever form they can that they find fun, but don't expect it to be your key driver in weightloss! I actually didn't start lifting until August 2021. I never counted calories btw! I figured that If I stayed away from all the processed foods, fast foods, resturant foods, and sugary drinks that I'd probably be ok! Im not against counting calories, but I also think we can't ignore millions of years of evolution and biochemistry either. My opinion is what you put in your body is just as important as how much energy it has! And that's what worked for me!
I lost most of the weight the first year. I went down from 440 in October 2019 to 220 in January 2021, so about 15 months. Weight loss slowed down around then, the actual number on the scale went down slowly, but my pants size and shirt size kept going down, so I learned not to get upset if the number only went down a few lbs a month. I went from a 6xl to a medium! I'm still learning about fashion and dressing myself, but I'm glad atleast now I can start looking good in clothes! I don't have to go to a store with a big and tall section, I can shop anywhere I want to! The biggest problem is the money wasted on clothes as you start getting smaller. I've had to donate whole wardrobes because everything got too big for me to wear. It's a good kind of problem to have I guess!
Right now, I'm at 185lbs, and still losing as I gain muscle from weight lifting. I no longer do omad or keto, I've moved to 16:8 intermittent fasting schedule and low carb, adding back in some potatoes, brown rice, and beans as carbs. I feel like as long as I eat healthy non processed foods, I'll be fine. My biggest thing is stay away from vegetable oil! That stuff is awful for you and stick to real fats! Humans were never meant to eat that stuff!
For those of you wondering, yes, I have alot of loose skin! Not as much as others who have lost this amount of weight, but still more than enough! The weird thing though is that the excess skin is one of the things that has taught me to be less ashamed of myself! I'm proud of it and my body! I wear it like a battle scar, and sometimes it impresses people who see it, and disgusts others. The thing is though, I now have a confidence that I never had though, knowing that I did one of the hardest things that almost every human on this planet is trying to do right now. And if my skin makes you upset, well, who cares? If you have doubts about losing weight because you'll have excess skin, don't. It's not worth being on the verge of death just because you look somewhat decent, even as a morbidly obese person. Excess skin is a small problem to have in the grand scheme of things, compared to what you'd have if you stayed fat! I'd take wrinkly skin and being healthy over looks anytime!
I'm kind of rambling as I go on, so let me finish up by saying that this journey has been 10000000000% worth it! Self improvement is a journey on its own, and losing weight is just one section of it. I'm still kind of socially awkward, but now I know how to work on that! I'm learning to love myself more and more each day, and that is another part of self improvement! I'm more confident in myself, and that feeling grows everyday. I'm not ashamed of myself anymore, and to those out there, you should have to have those feelings either. I feel like alot of people put too much blame on the individual person for being obese, and not the foods that are literally designed for us to be addicted to. Almost no one says " I want to become morbidly obese". Just like no one says "I want to become addicted to crack". It just happens! These things are made to be addictive! After a few times of treating yourself with with a drug or food, you fall into a pattern! You've got to put some of the blame on the food/drug too!
What I'm trying to say is that it's not completely your fault for how unhealthy you've gotten!
I wanted to post this so that others can see that losing weight isn't impossible, but just takes patience. You can do it, just like I did. There are consequences for being obese that you'll have to pay, like loose skin, but those prices are small, and what you gain in return is far more valuable. Health, confidence, self worth, and just being happier in general are some of the things that make it worth taking that next step. As long as you keep those in mind, and keep pressing on, in no time you'll see that every step was worth it.
Here's some before and after pics., And here's some loose skin pics if you're interested.
I'm not the best writer and it's late, so sorry if it kind of unfocused and rambly!
