I consider my weight loss to be the greatest thing I’ve done for myself for so many reasons. I’m healthier, fit better in clothes, more mobile, receive more positive attention of all kinds, and I managed to do it healthily and patiently, so I find it kind of easy to maintain a healthier weight while not restricting myself too much. But holy fuck does it mess with me how differently I’m treated by society after losing weight. I was fat in high school and therefore received no romantic attention. I was fat shamed all my life and never referred to as beautiful. Now that I lost it, I have a bf. I get romantic attention. People talk to me with more respect. People compliment me more. Of course I like this, but it’s really shitty to think about the beautiful sixteen year old girl who deserved respect despite being 200+. She didn’t deserve to be mistreated and ignored and I feel so horrible for her. Every day is a slap in the face for that girl — look what privileges I get simply because fat people are seen as subhuman at times, and I managed to lose the weight. I’m 159-166 (my weight fluctuates in that range through the week) at 5”7. I still have plenty of extra fat and I’m not skinny. Every time I find myself critiquing my current form, my conscience that tells me to stop taking my work and my body for granted shuts down the thought. I have stretch marks and a bit of a flabby belly that sometimes frustrates me, but I used to want to kill to be the size I am now. It taught me to be grateful and not to take this for granted.
This isn’t me saying that people who aren’t romantically interested in fat people are shitty, because we all have preferences and I do understand reasons for not wanting to partner with a fat person. It just really hurts my feelings to see the difference between how society treats me now versus then. People actually listen to what I say. People respect me more, contrary to how people respected me less when I weighed more so I was inclined to take up the role as a funny clown so I can fit in a world that hates fat people. I remember the pain I used to feel as I never thought I could lose the weight, and I just mourn for my high school self. I feel like I missed out on high school love because of this. I missed out on the friends I could’ve had because of this. I missed out on so many things because I was fat. It’s a reminder to never take your body for granted. I’m so happy I did what I did, but it depresses me at the same time.
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